Need Some Friends Right Now

[WendyJ]

Derek,

You are so right, I would not trade for one minute the memories I have with Steve and our 2 beautiful daughters ! But this hurts so much ! It just hurts too damn much !

Wendy

[dpodesta]

Wendy,

Yes, I does hurt and it hurts a lot. The pain will get less intense as time goes on. Just keep taking it one day at a time.

Duke,

You have to admit that did sound like a pick up line, when I read your post I was thinking the same thing that Suzanne thought. I have not lost any of my parents yet so I can't relate to how you feel especially at 18. You have come to a good place where people will be here for you.

Love always

Derek

[lorikelly]

I didn't think is sounded like a line. I think before someone responds they should think and not get mad at someone. We are all here b/c we have lost someone we love, noones pain is any worse then anothers. We are hurt and the journey we are on is a long one . Lori

[karenb]

The pastor of our church said something one time that stuck with me. "Listen quickly, speak slowly. We have two ears that are made open and one mouth that's made shut."

....Karen

[suzanne]

Karen & Lori

You are both so right and please accept my apology to everyone.

Suzanne

[karenb]

Good heavens, Suzanna, no apology is necessary, at least for me. Believe me, I've opened my mouth at times and not just my foot went in it but the "whole shoe store."

Your friend....Karen

[suzanne]

Thank you Karen for you kindness even though I don't deserve it. I have made so many mistakes and I'm a proofreader, those aren't allowed. Another tidal wave has hit me tonight. I just don't think I can get through this and I really don't won't to try. I'm so tired.

Suzanne

[northern duke]

Suzanne,

I'm sorry for this misunderstanding.

I do agree with Derek, and think that my first response to you sounded a bit like a line (it was probably something that I should have saved until we got to know each other better). Reading it now embarrasses me.

However, I would like to put it behind us and continue from here.

With that said, I would like your input on something.

I have made up my mind to drop out of college for the semester (I don’t feel that my sister and I have had any time to grieve over our losses).

I'm going to do it Monday and tell my Grandfather about it later that afternoon.

What do you think? Is this a mistake? Nearly everyone I've tried to talk to about it has been extremely hostile in their opinion that I should just ride it out (but I just don’t think that I can).

I would love your input on this matter.

Please take care of yourself.

Much love,

The Duke.

PS. If you don’t hear from me after Monday, it will mean that my grandfather has killed me.

[karenb]

There seems to be a lot of tidal waves around here. Come on, group, let's give Duke and Suzanne a hand here. What can I say? Suzanne, I hope you can ride this wave as you have done in the past. I feel it will come and go and I hope it's not so big you can't feel it out and conquer it. I don't know your circumstances but you must find that strength inside you, it's necessary. I hope you have faith. All I know is in my case, with Jack gone 2 years now, I've come out stronger with a lot more understanding just riding that wave. Please hang in there, Suzanne, you know you're worth it. Well, Duke, if that's your decision then I guess you're going to go through with it. Personally, I believe college would be the best thing for you, but then I don't really know you. My grandchildren have been through a lot, themselves, personally challenging them and one went on 3 missions to other countries and is now going to college "online" and doing well. My grandson has had tremendous challenges but is hanging on there with his mom and dad's support and calls me all the time for mine. I wish I could be your support. I wish you all the luck in the world. Please let us know what's happening.....hang in there, kid!

Your friend.....Karen

[suzanne]

Dear Duke,

All I can tell is don't let any one push you into what you are not ready for. I was pushed into going back to work too soon, fortunately I work with some really understanding people and when I had my meltdowns they were okay with it. A college schedule would be difficult at this point in your life, there would be no way I could focus. You have so much life ahead of you, please take your time. That is something you don't have to decide right now and your grandfather won't kill you. That generation deals with grief in a different way I think, more accepting of finality. You are far too young to have to deal with so much but yet age doesn't lessen the pain. This is your struggle and you need those around you to understand your time frame and don't rush it. All of us here will help you.

Suzanne

[WendyJ]

Duke,

I am so sorry for your losses but I myself think you should stay in school, alot of times when we take time off from things we never go back. My daughter who is 22 took a break from college as she wanted to save up more money rather than take out loans never went back and wishes now she hadn't left. I went back to work after losing my husband after 3 wks and as hard as it was I wish I had gone back sooner. If I hadn't gone back to work which forced me out of bed in the morning and got me dressed and out of the house and kept my mind off my depression over losing my soul mate, I would have gone into a deep depression. You still grieve without taking time off and yes it is hard but staying home is not the solution. It has only been 6 months for me and I am not the expert here but please think hard about this before you do it.

Wendy

[WendyJ]

Karen & Lori

You are both so right and please accept my apology to everyone.

Suzanne

Suzanne please don't beat yourself up over this, I was thinking the same thing as you were about Duke when I first read his post. I immediately thought why is he here by reading the way he posted. You didn't know either.

Wendy

[dpodesta]

Duke,

I would talk it over with your grandfater first before dropping out. There is still pleanty of time left in the semester. I agree with everyone else, once you drop out it ishard to go back. I dropped out in my early 20's and have gone back for a little but then Carson was born and I haven't been back thinking that when he got a little older I would be able to return. Then Karen died last year and now it is even harder trying to raise an 8 year old and try to go to school at the same time. Give your self a little time to make sure it is the right descision.

Love always

Derek

[northern duke]

Everyone,

You're all very right.

I just wish that I had had the opportunity to think about it before being forced into it. I know I'm not ready, and would rather drop out than flunk out. I wish that I were stronger but I'm not.

Not yet anyway.

The Duke.

PS. Please don't feel bad Suzanne. It was my fault after all!

You know men.... if we're not saying anything at all, then we're saying the wrong thing! It's some what of a science I've come to find.

But seriously, don't beat yourself up about it.

Edited September 16, 2007 by northern duke

[kayc]

Duke,

My son was in the Air Force when his stepfather, my husband, passed away. He came home for the service and was home just a few days to help me out with some things and then had to go right back. It was very hard for him. He loved his stepdad, they were close. There were times he started crying (a no no in the service) yet everyone at work was very understanding, they knew what was going on. With time, it got better. I remember an email from him telling me he'd seen a movie he'd wanted to call George and tell him about...and then he remembered he wasn't there. He said he remembered waking up crying, and that totally wasn't like him...we used to call him Spock cuz he didn't show much emotion, even as a kid. In school it might be tougher, you get graded on things regardless of what's going on in your life. You might go to Students first or your school counselor and talk to them and see what they think about how to handle your situation right now. Listen to your own heart, the answer won't be the same for each person. My best to you.