I Don't Know If I Can Do This

[smhenglish]

I've been having some really serious trouble with my 7 year old daughter. She's been acting out horribly, and I don't have the patience or strength to deal with her.

She was a daddy's girl. I wasn't sure at first that she understood the whole concept of death, but in the midst of the temper tantrum last night, she screamed at me that Daddy's not here. This was after she hit her 8 year old brother for not letting her play his keyboard, spit on me for trying to get her to brush her teeth, bit her 16 year old sister for trying to restrain her from hitting her brother again.

I'm just lost. I'm trying very hard not to lash out, not to scream. I find myself angry with Eric for leaving me with this. I don't want to do this alone.

[dpodesta]

I have 1 son who was 6 at the time of Karen's death so I don't know about mulitable kids. What I do know is that Carson had some behavioral problems as well not as bad as what you are expericing but enough that you feel like screeming. I went to a place called The WARM Place which has kids splint into age groups and facilitors work with them to deal with the loss of their parent. The adults meet in a group as well during this time. You might do a search on the internet for The WARM Place and they might be able to tell you of a similar organzation in your area. This was totally free, no charge at all they work off of donations. They also don't soliciate donations from you they mainly look outside. Do some searching on the internet for this, I know is has helped I have been there for over and it has been great

Love always

Derek

[MartyT]

Sarah, dear ~

Your anger is understandable, and perfectly normal under the circumstances, but you are not lost, and you are not alone. We are right here beside you.

Unfortunately, I think the WARM place that Derek describes is a local program in Fort Worth, Texas (www.thewarmplace.org), so wonderful as it is, I'm not sure its services would be available to you here in Phoenix, Arizona.

I don't know if anyone from our Bereavement Office has contacted you (if they haven't yet, they will soon), but I want to be sure you're aware of all the services that are available to you from Hospice of the Valley. Our support does not end with the death of your husband; in addition to these online Grief Healing Discussion Groups (which are here for as long as you need them), bereavement support is available to you at no cost for the next 13 months in the form of in-person grief support groups and / or short-term individual grief counseling. You will be receiving our bimonthly bereavement newsletter, In Touch, which contains helpful information as well as a list of all scheduled events. You are also most welcome to visit my Grief Healing Web site, where you will find additional information, comfort, and support. See especially my Child, Adocescent Grief page, which will point you to dozens of useful and informative articles, books, Web sites and other resources that will help you to help your children.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[dpodesta]

Thanks for the information Marty, I know that there is a lot out there. I suggested the WARM Place as a point of contact, that they might know some organization in Smhenglish's area where she can get help.

[smhenglish]

Thank you both.

Derek, I appreciate all of your posts. You always have wonderfully inspirational things to say to everyone.

Marty - I have been in contact with a counselor from HOV, and unfortunately, she is unable to do evenings. I work during the week, and as the sole income, I try to stay at work as much as possible, especially since I have to take off so much time for our autistic son. I will check out your site. I appreciate it.

[dpodesta]

Sarah,

I wish you the best and hope you are able to find somewhere out there. This site help trmendously, but there is nothing better than face to face contact. You are doing well, as I was re-reading your post I noticed you talked about your anger of having to do this alone. For a long time after Karen died, I was unable to voice my anger, I knew I was angry, but didn't know where to place it. Unfortunately those around me had to deal with my misplaced anger as I lashed out every so often. I look forward to watching you grow as you go through this journey.

Love always

Derek