clrw Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 I know it's been quite awhile since I last posted - but I have been on (lurking) reading up on how everyone else is doing and I find myself bowled over with the amount of faith some of you have... and I don't understand it. I'm not trying to be disrespectful - before my father passed away I was a quasi-active Christian (I say quasi, only because I didn't go to church every week... or even every month for that matter, but I did... or do? believe in God). Since dad passed away, I've had a very hard time even entertaining the idea of going to church... it's a small congregation, so everyone knows everyone and I just don't know if I can deal with their concern/empathy/or what have you (I hope this makes sense... I know he is gone, and I know I can't change it... but the thought of people coming up and asking how I'm doing just tears at my heart... yes it's been 7 months... 7 months & 13 days to be exact... but I just don't want to have to explain again & again & again that "I'm okay... " "getting by"... etc)That and I am having a *very* hard time coming to grips with the fact that God, my God, could take someone *so* special and *so* good and *so* honest and *so* young... away from me. I find myself comparing my father to other people's fathers & wondering "why not him?"I guess what I'm trying to ask (in a very disorganized manner)... is how do you reach down & find that faith? How do you believe in God again, after something like this?At the point I am in right now, I don't know when or if I'll ever to believe again... I want to, I want to believe. Because if I believe that there is a God, then I can believe that there is a heaven, and then I can believe that I *WILL* see my father again... and yet I wonder - if there is a God, why on earth would he take such a wonderful & loving person??? How could he inflict such pain on my family?? I just don't understand the "point"?!?! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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