clrw Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 I know it's been quite awhile since I last posted - but I have been on (lurking) reading up on how everyone else is doing and I find myself bowled over with the amount of faith some of you have... and I don't understand it. I'm not trying to be disrespectful - before my father passed away I was a quasi-active Christian (I say quasi, only because I didn't go to church every week... or even every month for that matter, but I did... or do? believe in God). Since dad passed away, I've had a very hard time even entertaining the idea of going to church... it's a small congregation, so everyone knows everyone and I just don't know if I can deal with their concern/empathy/or what have you (I hope this makes sense... I know he is gone, and I know I can't change it... but the thought of people coming up and asking how I'm doing just tears at my heart... yes it's been 7 months... 7 months & 13 days to be exact... but I just don't want to have to explain again & again & again that "I'm okay... " "getting by"... etc)That and I am having a *very* hard time coming to grips with the fact that God, my God, could take someone *so* special and *so* good and *so* honest and *so* young... away from me. I find myself comparing my father to other people's fathers & wondering "why not him?"I guess what I'm trying to ask (in a very disorganized manner)... is how do you reach down & find that faith? How do you believe in God again, after something like this?At the point I am in right now, I don't know when or if I'll ever to believe again... I want to, I want to believe. Because if I believe that there is a God, then I can believe that there is a heaven, and then I can believe that I *WILL* see my father again... and yet I wonder - if there is a God, why on earth would he take such a wonderful & loving person??? How could he inflict such pain on my family?? I just don't understand the "point"?!?! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 clrw,I wish I could give you some help, but I'm in the same postition as you are. Only I was never even a quasi-Christian. I have never been religious in the traditional sense. I have my own sort of spiritual path, I guess you'd call it. I just don't understand how a "loving" God can let the horrible things happen that do. I've had many discussions with very devout people on this subject and their answers never have any substance to them (I'm a very logical person unfortunately) so I still have never been able to believe. I guess it all just comes down to having that faith, believing beyond reason, and I truly envy people who can do that. I think it gives them a sense of peace that I may never have. I don't care what religion you are, if you believe in something, then that's good enough. I hope you can find some kind of faith again so that it will ease your mind.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 Thank you Shell,I hope I can find that place again... *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 Dear One,You may find the posts in this thread helpful:Grief and Atheism Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 Thank you MartyT,I will be sure to check out that post I don't think I'm going through quite the same thing... I do have a belief, I'm just having problems coming to terms with the fact that "MY GOD" could do such a thing (I do believe there is a heaven, and I do believe that is where my dad is... I just don't understand the hows & whys of it)But thank you... I will go through it and see what I can take from it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 I think it is normal to doubt our faith and be angry at God. i do that He know that and understands how we feel. I finally realized the times that i felt better were the times i gave it all over to Him and realized i can not do it alone. i say everyday, Lord help me to follow your way not Lori's way. it makes me smile now b/c for so long i wanted it my way, i wanted to control what happened and i realize i can't , i am not God. this is just my beliefs and i hope it helps you. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosanne Posted September 6, 2007 Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 Oh, I understand your feelings, because I too have them!I lost my precious mother at age 68 June 10th of this year.I have so many unanswered questions and I don't understand WHY????My mom was so loving and loved her family so much, and I miss her so much I can die. I do believe in God, I do have faith- but, I do not understand why this has been put on me and my family- and my dad is an invalid! Sometimes I do not feel God I do not feel my mom, and that hurts! My husband said something to me the other day at mom's grave, I was crying and he said you know, you are going to be 50 years old this year and the way time flies, baby you are going to be with your mother before you know it! That gave me comfort, because time does seem to fly the older I get. I have no answers only know that my sweet mom does not have to struggle with day to day problems- she always wanted to fix everything, and you can't do it- There is a better place - THERE HAS TO BE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 Thank you all for responding... I was away on a 2-day work trip... that is why I haven't answeredLori - I understand what you mean... and I appreciate your kind words. What a strong person you are!Rosanne - that is exactly how I feel!!! You just expressed what I had been trying to say... thank you for sharing your story with me We all have our blue days - but I hope we can all continue to move forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted September 7, 2007 Report Share Posted September 7, 2007 My priest told me something yesterday thought i would share it.For believers no explanation is necessaryFor non believers no explanation is possible.This is how i look at my faith. I just BELIEVE. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 8, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Thank you for sharing that Lori...It truly does make sense & I honestly do hope with time I will be able to believe again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 You will!! I will be praying for you. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnG Posted September 9, 2007 Report Share Posted September 9, 2007 Ya know, I have to tell you that I have been going back and forth with my faith, sometimes I think God he/she is up there and guiding me but other times I wonder why the heck he took my mom from us. other times I talk to him and thank him for helping me get through it, so I'm struggling like you. I just don't know anymore about anything. sorry I couldn't be of more help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2007 DawnG....You were helpful - you let me know that I'm not alone... and at times like this, I think that's all we can hope for. I don't think any of us have "answers" (at least not answering what we are *really* asking), so all we can do is talk to each other... take advice from each other & know that we are not alone.And for that, I thank you...I am so sorry about your mom, and I hope you (like me) will one day be able to find our way again.You will!! I will be praying for you. LoriThank you Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnG Posted September 10, 2007 Report Share Posted September 10, 2007 I think the song by martina mcbride says it all, it's called goodbye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 10, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2007 Yes, that is a good one... or "I want you to live" by George Canyon. If I'm having a particularly bad day - I put that one on (bawl my eyes out) and afterwards I feel better... dunno why or how... it's almost as if my dad is talking to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted September 11, 2007 Report Share Posted September 11, 2007 clrw,We've talked so much about music on this site...it truly is helpful and very healing, even when it makes us bawl! It's funny, it's like I know I'm going to cry at least once a day and it's become almost like therapy. I usually do it alone and just let it out and then I feel better too. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's a great release. Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnG Posted September 12, 2007 Report Share Posted September 12, 2007 I do the same thing too, I put on songs that will make me cry so that I can let it all out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Thank you Shell... I find it almost mystifying how a song can bring back a rush of memories... I have this quote in my bedroom about how life is full of memories & how sometimes it's all we have that will last... I read that & think of dad... I have a tonne of wonderful memories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted September 13, 2007 Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 clrw,What a great quote. I read that the word "remember" was a derivation meaning "to call into presence". That's the way I feel every time I think about my memories, that I'm bringing the person back, that they are present with me.Hugs,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2007 Shell,That's a wonderful way to think about it... thank you for sharing that chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only Child Posted September 15, 2007 Report Share Posted September 15, 2007 To clrw ~I'm new here. But before I posted my first time I happened to read your post. Yes, there is a God. In my case, I think my pain is a bit opposite of yours, and I hope you will read about my pain in a post entitled "Did I fail my Mom? You have every right to continue feeling your pain for however long it takes. You're hurting. Don't let others tell you how to mourn or make you feel bad for doing it. The very fact that you're here means you're trying.Only Child Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrw Posted September 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2007 Thank you Only Child - I will be sure to check your post... you have found a wonderful site to come and express yourself. It's a relief to have people who understand what you are going through & how you are feeling...I hope you find it as helpful as I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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