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Double Whammy


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Hi!

I just found this website. My story is long but I will condense it. In 1996 I lost my beloved Jimmy he was my husband and soulmate. He had cancer and in this his last days he commited suicide on Christmas morning. I could not deal with the loss and pain (I was 34 at the time), so I chose alcohol to cover it (bad choice). Two years later I met John while drinking. We fell in love but John had a lot of issues. He grew up in a very disfunctional family. We have two beautiful daughters together. After I had our first daughter I cut back on my drinking and after the second I quit. John however continued and in February he went to a pool tournament and drank too much and decided to walk home through the woods (which he had done before)in 17 degree temperatures without a jacket, needless to say he did not make it. They found him in April. My problem is now that I have lost John and I covered my loss of Jimmy with alcohol I never really finished grieving for him so I am now grieving for both. I am also like some of you finding my patience with my girls very short. People tell me I am doing great with what I have been through but they do not realize that I am keeping a lot of it inside because I am a very private person. I know that I need to let it out and would love to go to a support group but with my two daughters it is hard. I had to leave my home and move because John's family needed someone to blame and they chose me. I know it was not my fault and some people need to blame someone for a loss, but it was too painful with everything else I was going through. I had been thinking of moving out of the area before John had died to give my daughters more opportunities, so I do not feel like it was a bad choice. Thanks for letting me vent to others who are going through what I am!

Corinne

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Corinne,

I am sorry you have gone through this, not just once, but twice. You will find you are not alone here. What you have experienced is almost unbearable and it's understandable that you've tried to cover your pain with alcohol. You understand now that didn't work and want to do it right this time. A grief support group would help a lot, as would counseling. Please keep coming on site here and voicing yourself, it helps so much to get it out. You have made a positive choice for you and your kids, and that is to get yourself into a better environment. I wish you the best.

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Boy, you've been hit with the double whammy! What a time you're going through and I sure understand as I've lost many who were close to me, the last one my husband whom I will always love. It takes so much courage to deal with the death of loved ones....it's just plain hard, hard to do. You will come out the other end knowing yourself much better, taking care of those children like you want to and finding things much easier as "time goes by." You just have to keep plugging away and, believe it or not, the time does come when your memories will just be the good ones you love to think about. Taking care of your health, getting exercise, caring for the "little" things in life and one foot in front of the other. Take care and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend.....Karen

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There is a post* that started about a month ago that talked about support groups. I believe Marty had some web sites listed on it to help find those. They are out there where you and your kids go at the same time so while you are being helped so are your kids and you don't have to worry about child care. I hope this helps and I am sure someone will respond with the link to that post. I also resorted to drinking for awhile after my wife died, luckily after a couple of months I started noticing that I wasn't drinking every day and now 17 months later I drink a couple now and then and don't drink until I don't feel.

Love always

Derek

*[Click here]

I noticeed the "Click Here" link appeared, this will take you to the information I was talking about. Thanks to whoever added this.

Edited by dpodesta
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Corinne

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine the pain of going through this twice. I lost my beloved husband in March and my Dad August 30. I really admire your courage in being able to love someone again after your first husband. Know that I am thinking of you and praying for each and everyone of us that come here. I must admit that I have had to take a drink or two as well even though I know that isn't going to help but sometimes it gets to be too much to deal with. The people on here have given me so much strength in knowing that I'm not alone and they really do care and understand. For so long I felt so alone with my feelings. I have actually gone an entire week without a tear. First time in six months. May you find the comfort here that I have. Marty and the friends on here are just heaven sent.

A friend who cares

Suzanne

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Hi!

Thanks to everyone for their replies and kindness. In all my time going through this journey I have felt it is really helpful to have a place to air your feelings without being judged. Most people do not understand, no matter how long your loved one is gone, you can still have bad days or sad times. Sometimes all it takes is seeing something you used to look at together or a song you hear. I have found that some people look at you like "Get over it." and all I can think is I hope you never have to experience this. The hardest part of this for me right now is my daughters. My heart breaks when I watch them growing and learning new things and I wish that their Daddy was here to watch them. Sometimes I get so mad at him for leaving me to raise the girls by myself and for not being here for them. When my husband died he did not have a choice, you cannot choose to have or not have cancer, but John did have a choice and he made one that cost him his life, left me alone to raise the girls and left the girls without their Daddy. Thanks again for listening. it really does help.

Corinne

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