Today

[walter/Erica]

Today I thank God that I am feeling peace and accepting of Walters death.the pain is almost non existant...there is a sweet longing in my heart for him.......what a rollercoaster ride, this grief journey is! It was only 5 days ago that i reached rock bottom, and never thought I would feel better

I have been reading about a link between letting Walter go/ releasing him and realising that he will not be forgotten or loved less if I release him. What are your feelings/ thoughts on this? I feel that I have accepted his death , and even prayed several prayers of release, and I know and believe that I will always love him, why then is my grief still so shattering at times? its almost like the writer was saying If I release him, my grief will be shortened/ resolved?

[dpodesta]

Erica,

I came to accept that Karen had died and would not be coming back about 2 or 3 weeks after she died. Unfortunately, the roller coaster didn't stop there. I do believe that the faster you can accept the death as reality then the quicker it will be for you to get better. You are correct, you will never forget Walter even after you accept his death. He hold a sepcial place in your heart that will always be there. I am glad that you are finding some peace so soon after Walter's death I wish I would have, however hang on because like you yourself said this is a roller coaster there is another valley on the other side of the hill you are on top of right now. I can guaruntee that the valley won't be as deep as the one you just came out of.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

Erica,

I am glad you are doing better...just remember that it is indeed a roller coaster ride and don't be surprised when you hit bumps along the way, it's to be expected. Accepting their death is not an overnight process, it takes time and work on our part, but even when we accept that they are dead and that our life has changed, we continue to miss them and we also occasionally get "grief bursts". They will never be forgotten, nor could they be. You are right, there is no correlation between continuing our lives and forgetting them, we HAVE to continue with our lives, yet we will NEVER forget them.

Your grief is so shattering at times because it IS shattering...it has altered every facet of your existence. When my husband died it affected my identity, my femininity (who would look at me appreciatively when I wore a dress or hat that he loved?), I lost my best friend, my lover, the person who did the other half of the chores, many of which I could not do because I wasn't smart enough or strong enough. It affected our friendships...those who were friends with "us" disappeared, finding other "couple" friends. It affected my way of life...I no longer had anyone to go camping with or shop for groceries with. I no longer had a reason to look forward to weekends. I had no one to cook for or anyone to appreciate my efforts. I had no one to talk over my day with or run things by...no one to talk to me or listen to me. I had no one to help pay the bills or run errands. No one to sit with me in church, no one to watch with that gleam in his eye as I sang at church. There was no one to race to get the wheelchair for the disabled at church, no one to pick up the hymnals after sunday school. No one to sneak cookies behind my back. No one to buy me an ice cream cone and show up at my office with it dripping. No one to hold me. I loved that man more than anything in the world and my world WAS shattered the day he died, and although I've gone on living, it will never be the same again, it will continue to have those empty hollow spots inside of my heart and my life.

Edited September 12, 2007 by kayc

[MartyT]

Erica, dear ~

You said,

I have been reading about a link between letting Walter go/ releasing him and realising that he will not be forgotten or loved less if I release him. What are your feelings/ thoughts on this? I feel that I have accepted his death , and even prayed several prayers of release, and I know and believe that I will always love him, why then is my grief still so shattering at times? its almost like the writer was saying If I release him, my grief will be shortened/ resolved?

I think you may find the posts in this entire thread helpful:

Saying Goodbye

[dpodesta]

Being that those posts were written back in 2005 I have never seen them. I think they say it all so perfectly. I also think it was interesting reading everyones post and you can see where they were and how far they have come since then.

Love always

Derek

[MartyT]

Yes, Derek, it's true ~ I've often thought that from the very beginning, the material written on this site is absolutely priceless, for so many reasons ~ and it is each and every member of our GH family who continues to make it so.