Our Anniversary

[Gail_R]

hello everyone.31 years ago today was one of the happiest day's of my life that is the day that Bruce and I got married. But today it is one of the saddiest day's. I know that I keep saying this but it's true I still have a hard time believing that he is gone. We were married so young I had just turned 18 and Bruce was 23 and now it's all gone why? I need him so much and I miss him why does life have to be so unfair? Today would be our 31st anniversary and on thursday he will be gone 8 months. Where have the 8 months gone I think that I have be in a fog this whole time. I missed spring and summer and now it is fall aready. I think that I told you before that we are farmers so with that said our boy's are very busy taking off the crops. The boy' myself and my two brothers-law we have around 4000 acres of crops to combine so this is a very busy time for us and also one for Bruce's favorate time of the year this is what he loved. Our daughter has taken today day off work so that we can go and take flowers to her dad. Who would have thought that one year later I would be going to his grave to say Happy Anniversary I sure as hell didn't. I keep saying this and I will till I get answer why did god do this to us WHY? So far this year I have Spent our youngest son birthday , our daughters birthday. Valintine.Easter his birthday. my birthday and now our anniverary without him. There are still a some more first to come and would like to know it get amy easier after all the first are out of the way? This like a rollercoaster ride one day I'm up and the next I'm down. I don't that I have cried so much in my life.HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BRUCE I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY HEART ACHES. love Gail

[AnnieO]

Gail,

I just wanted to tell you , you are in my thoughts today.

I hope that there will be moments today that your heart is filled with happy memories of your husband.

[lorikelly]

Gail

I will be praying for you. I hope that you can find some small way to celebrate , i know this may be hard. You deserve it, you are working so hard on this journey. My heart goes out to you. Lori

[suzanne]

Gail

I know how difficult this day is for you. My heart just breaks for you. Please know I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Suzanne

[dpodesta]

Gail,

My heart goes out to you, and I do remember the first anniversary after Karen died. For me, it was almost at the mark from her death. She died April 6th and our anniversary is March 18th. We didn't celebrate our 11th anniversary because we were going to do it after we returned from Disney World. Unfortunately, she didn't make it back. It does get easier after the first year after you get through all of the first holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. There will always be other firsts that don't happen every year, for me it was her nieces graduating, another one is getting married in June of this next year, and I know there will be others. We are going to go to Disney World next year so that my 8 year old can stay and enjoy rather than get there one day and leave the next. I know for me that it will be a difficult time with mixed emotions. We will probably never know why this happens until the day we ourselves are in Heaven and I believe all will be revieled at that time. Until then, we just need to live for today and know that God is with us and will take care of us.

Love always

Derek

[karenb]

Gail....It sure is bittersweet, isn't it? I pray this day will bring you some degree of peace. It really has been the most difficult time in my entire life and for all of us. Try and think of some wonderful thoughts, feel what you need to and know that He is with you all the time.

Your friend....Karen

[Gail_R]

I would like to thank everyone. I've said this before and I will say it again. Coming here and posting helps. Everyone of you have gone through the sameting that I have you all understand and are here for me. Bruce was the one had a very strong faith me not so much he was raised in the church I was not but being married to him that had changed me. I have the most wonderful pastor and me is helping me a great deal. So again thank you all for the words that are helping get through this day and all the other day's to come. Gail

[kayc]

Gail,

My thoughts are with you today and I pray you will have some good memories that fill you today. I am glad your daughter will be with you.

[WendyJ]

Gail this will be a very tough week for you but you will get through it. I had lost Steve the beginning of March and already had to get through Easter and my Birthday and my Daughter's Birthday and our 28th wedding anniversary and it was tough but for some reason I am dreading the holidays even more, as I know you are. Try to keep yourself busy if you can, I think we are finding we are all stronger than we thought !

Wendy

[suzanne]

Gail

I hope you got through the day. I know how hard it was and I thought about you all day. I prayed for you to have the strength because it was the most difficult day for me so far. Our 23 rd anniversary was August 5 and we were togehter for 4 years prior to that. 31 years for you and yet it is never long enough. Not when you love someone so much. Everyone thought I had completely gone crazy but I spent mine alone. Will was cremated, so I made a flower arrangement, bought a beautiful wedding decoration with two white doves that I put on his top of his ashes and renewed our wedding vows and it really did comfort me. Hope you found a special way for yours today that would give you some comfort. It will never be the same but they are always in our hearts.

Suzanne

[suzanne]

Gail

I have never shared this with anyone but I feel like we are family here. Here were my vows

August 5, 2007

Twenty three years ago today, I pledged my love and commitment to you my darling, but it seems like only yesterday. I promised to love you, honor you, comfort and keep you. I pledged to be by your side in sickness and in health, in times of want and plenty, for better or worse for the rest of our lives. Today though you are no longer physically with me, I pledge my eternal love for you. You are the constant in my life whom I will always love.

For in my thoughts,

You are ever near, holding to my hand;

Prepared always to protect me,

As throughout this life, together we stand.

You went on before me,

Once again to lead the way;

To a life which we were promised,

To the land where we will stay.

Eternally together, for true love may not die,

Eternally together, never to be apart;

No longer of this realm of sense,

But ever within my heart.

Yes, now I sit alone,

Where once there were two;

In silent conversation,

With our Lord alone who knew,

That our union was richly blessed,

Of Our Heavenly Father’s will;

Who would ever nourish the bond,

Of a love that ripens still.

Hold tight, my darling,

For I am drawing near.

Days may pass without you,

But within my heart I hear,

The words of love softly spoken,

As you described that land,

Where love throughout eternity,

Walks heart in heart and hand in hand.

I love you- Wait for me my love and hold me close as I will you

Susan

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Gail_R]

Susan that was beautiful and thank you for sharing that with me. This was one of my hardest days as of yet. Our daughter Christina came with me this afternoon to Bruce's grave and we put some flowers there for him both of us had a big cry. I wished him a Happy Anniverary and told him how much I loved him. I also told him that it is very hard to do this without him but I am trying my best. Thank you again. Gail

[kayc]

Suzanne,

That is so beautiful. Sometimes I envy you guys that have memories of a terrific marriage and can just love and remember them the rest of your lives. That's how I thought mine would go. But I found out three weeks before my husband died that he was a drug addict. He lied to me continually and stole me blind and left me with a pile of hospital/doctor bills and everything I worked for all my life was gone. I now have a huge mortgage and just me to pay it. I know he loved me, I know he never meant to hurt me, I know that drug addiction is an illness, but what it does to families is beyond comprehension, and to deal with it all AFTER they die is way harder. My grief is very complicated. I mourn the man I knew, and feel confused by the man I learned about. I am STILL learning 27 months later of things he did, lies he told me to get money for drugs. He sold or traded everything I had of value for drugs and with each and every deal, he told me lies ("the engine blew up in the pickup", "the brakes broke", "the lawnmower is a lemon and can't be fixed", "someone at work broke my $350 welding hood and then was fired and I don't know where they are", etc., etc., etc.). I chose to move on with my life. Who could blame me? But this man was my soul mate, the one I loved more than anything in the world, the man with whom I could share anything, the man who loved and understood me, the man with whom I had such a good relationship...except that how loving can all that be when they do this to you? I get very confused about it. I've finally decided that while we had a great love, he was a messed up person and I don't try to figure out what the future would have held had he lived, I just accept what is and try to continue on with life. I loved being married to him, he was great to live with, enjoyable, and it was the happiest time in my life...but had I known at the time what was going on, it wouldn't have been too cool. I guess, as they say, ignorance is bliss. If I had never known or if he had never had a drug problem, I'm sure I would have worshiped his memory the rest of my life and just waited to go be with him. As it is, I am trying to heal and go on with my life...yet deep inside I know I will be with him again someday and he will be healthy and whole inside and out and all will be good between us. I have forgiven him, yet with each and every new thing I discover, I have to confront forgiving again...it gets easier with time, especially since I've done it so many times already, because I've released him and our situation into God's hands and trust that God is, for me, a loving God who really has my best interests at heart. For those of you who had a perfect marriage, even you can trust that God knew what He was doing because there were factors unknown to you, perhaps had they lived they would have suffered even more, who knows? My little sister had a child born without a brain (she had the part that controlled function but had no cognitive ability or thinking) and she lived almost two years. My sister and her husband went through so much, but they ultimately also trusted that there was a whole lot they didn't know and left their lives up to God's charge and accepted it. It wasn't quick and it wasn't easy, it takes a good deal of time to reach the point of acceptance in such hard things, we can't expect ourselves to get there overnight. But please understand when I say that I envy your wonderful marriages.

[walter/Erica]

Kayc I never knew your story and my haert just goes out to you. what a wonderful Christian you are, I dont think I would have managed like you have. My prayer is that God will just take care of you and bless and provide for your every need.

My own situation has some common thread.last 5 were wondeful.. I was married for 25 years .. My husband had alot of baggage and in the ealy years of our marriahge was quite verbally and emotionally abusive, however God did a miracle in his life over the laST 10 years and I can honestly say that the last 5 years were WONDERFUL, he was the husband what I dreamed about

take care

Erica xx

[karenb]

The Good Lord really does take care of us, even when we don't know it. Who knows what might have happened if George lived, but through dealing with his death you know you've learned so much. My first marriage, a million years ago, ended in a divorce after 24 years of his alcoholic abuse on me and my 3 children. Unlike you, I did know the things he did and my children and I have been left with marks from living through it. But all four of us dearly love Jack and treasure the time he was with us. I just know God gave Jack to us just to show what real love and caring is about and I'm so grateful for that. I pray for his wonderful soul every morning and for the work he's probably doing. Faith is so important and I'm so glad you have that. Take care, my friend, and have a good day.

Karen

[kayc]

You know, even with all I've been through, I still love that man, and I, probably more than anyone in his life, knew and understood him. I knew what all he had been through and that helped. If he were alive I would have had to have given him a huge dose of tough love and that had started even before his death. At least it was he that came to me and confessed and not someone else that told me. I'm very thankful for that. God is full of grace and mercy. And I know George was tired, his struggle in this world was great and I am grateful to God that he is finally "home" and okay. I know he belonged to Him and that means the world to me.

[Corinne]

Karen & Kayc,

Thank you so much for sharing your stories. I know when I post I speak mostly of Jimmy my husband and not so much about John. That is because I met John while I was drinking to cover my grief of losing Jimmy. I loved John dearly but he had a lot of baggage also. He would drink until he dropped on Fri or Sat nights. He would stay at the bars until they closed and then come home and be upset because he gambled all his money away or somone upset him and take it out on me. He was not physically abusive but he was verbally abusive. We were together 9 years but I would not marry him because of his drinking and gambling. He did not pay his bills and I knew that I needed to keep my credit good in case I needed anything for the girls. His death is bittersweet because I did love him and prayed for him to change but there is also guilt involved because I also feel a release from the verbal abuse. I know that I will love again some day but it will not be until after I have healed and found me and have become whole again. I don't know how long it will take, but I do know in my heart it will happen again and this time I will go very slowly and be very cautious!

Thanks for listening,

Corinne

[karenb]

I usually answer after I've thought about what I've read for a while but I need to answer you now because I think you are absolutely a totally smart lady! I'm glad you feel you'll find someone else. I don't have that feeling yet but it would be nice just to have someone, as I've said in another post, to talk to, walk with and feed now and then but that's as far as I'd want. You have had a life like my "old" one with my ex. He was an abusive alcoholic to my 3 children and me and I stayed there for 24 years. My Jack was the only "good" man I've ever known and loved so much, as did my children. I'm so grateful that he was put into my life. Again, I think you are so smart to have done what you've done. You certainly have a lot to offer some lucky guy!

Karen

P.S. I definitely feel there should be no guilt for feeling free of abuse, mental or physical. I fought for my freedom....never any guilt. He's still alive but suffering from his life style and he deserves it. I'm glad your abuse is done...it's a tough thing to live with!

[Corinne]

Karen,

Thank you so much for your response. Sometimes I think I really messed up and I would sometimes feel Jimmy saying what are you doing. I am very thankful that most of the nonsense was saved for after our girls were asleep. He would occasionally wake them up. I think my older daughter was starting to pick up a little that there was something not right when she would see him totally hung over and sleeping on the couch all day the next day. He was very good with them though, Thank God. The Tuesday before he went missing I had given him an ultimatum that he had to quit drinking or he would have to leave, because of the girls. He told me that he had a pool tournament Sat. & his last night of darts the following Tues. and then he would quit. I really don't think he would have quit, but I will never know because he never made it home from the pool tournament.

Thanks again for listening!

Corinne

[dpodesta]

Corinne

I agree, you will find that special someone again when you are ready. And as was said, don't feel guilty because the abuse is over. It is sad that he had to die for it to end. Just like you siad you will take it slow, and realize that you don't ever have to settle for someone. If they are abusive, get rid of them and move to the next.

Love always

Derek

[Corinne]

Derek,

Thanks!

Corinne

[kayc]

Corine,

I had someone abusive in my life once too and it is smart to learn from it, move on, and don't look back! It is not your fault he is dead and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

[Corinne]

Thanks Kayc!

Corinne

[AnnieO]

Kay

When I read your post it helped me make sense of how I feel about my dad.

When you said you "mourn the man you knew, but are confused by the one you learned about"...that is exactly how I feel, I couldn't describe it.

Thank you for your post.