Moving Forward, Learning To Love Again

[WaltC]

You can listen here:

The Dance - Garth Brooks

[Corinne]

WaltC,

Thank you! It is amazing, after 10 years that song still makes me cry like it was today, the words speak what I feel in my heart!

Hugs,

Corinne

[kayc]

How strange! Just this morning on my way to work I heard "The Dance"...I had to turn it down because I couldn't handle hearing it...it was way too poignant and reminds me so much of my time with George. Even today my heart breaks inside and I realize I am trying so hard to hold at bay all of those emotions that for me are so overwhelming and hard. The Dance...can anything sum it up any better than that?

You know, my son had pointed that song out when George died...he said it reminded him of George, and of course, it always has reminded me of him.

Edited September 21, 2007 by kayc

[Guest moparlicious]

Derek,

Thank you for your kind words. I hope no one took it offensively, I meant nothing but what it was. I am happy for the ones who found someone, but not me. I am not looking. Thats wonderful. I am so grateful to have such support and friends like all you. God bless. Love, Kim

[dpodesta]

Kim,

There is nothing to worry about. What you said did not sound offensive, you didn't verbably attack anyone, you are fine.

Love always

Derek

[Corinne]

Kim,

I definitely do not take offense because I too am not looking to get involved but I do know that one day I will. As for now I am just trying to find me.

Hugs,

Corinne

[Stallyn]

Such a wonderful song lyric, I would change a few things if I do it over again, get her to the doctors more often, I learned not to regret anymore. You guys are truly special, may peace and love embrace your aching hearts. God bless you!

William

[Mrcelloboy]

Having spent most of the weekend with my new partner I wanted to share some experiences I found wonderful.

She's is so OK with whatever I'm feeling. We just layed around, napping, for most of the morning both Saturday and Sunday. I just felt fatigued and a bit depressed, and she was fine with this; even though we'd originally planned a more active weekend. At one point I shared with her that I still love Kathy; that I feel like I love both of them. I felt pained by this, but Mel's reply was that I'll always love Kathy.

Mel is so very understanding that I amazingly very lucky we found each other.

Two other women I'd dated previously, though they had their good points, had issue with my ongoing grieving. Mel seems to welcome it.

I feel so so fortunate. I wish for those of you seeking another connection in your lives that you are able to find such a nurturing soul.

[Stallyn]

Mrcelloboy,

Thanks for sharing that, you seem to have found a very understanding and loving companion, that is awesome she supports you in your grief, alot of women seem to have jealousy or fear of the things we lost or cant change. I haven't mentioned that I found a wonderful woman in Russia that we been corresponding for 5 months, and shes planning to come here sometime next month, I told her my situation with fear and she wasn't fazed by it, I don't know if the time is right or is it doomed? I still love Myrna, and she wanted me to be happy. How long was it since your loss? is there a chance that a relationship will work after 6 months? I don't remember when your loss was but your input is immensely appreciated.

Blessings,

William

[WendyJ]

William that's wonderful but I have to ask how you were able to meet a woman in Russia ? Wow that is a bit of a distance, did you exchange photos too or just chat? This must be serious for her to come all the way from Russia ! I wish you all the best !

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Wendy, thats why I waited till now to mention it Well, I had to edit, the "woman" claimed she was robbed and I did a search with her email address and shes pulling the same scam on dozen others, I feel so stupid and useless to be involved in this, I think I am going to hang up any ambitions to find someone anyways, way too soon.

William

[Corinne]

William,

I am sorry for what happened to you. Please do not feel stupid because it could happen to anyone. There are very cruel people out there that take advantage of others. Don't give up hope, it will happen when the time is right.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[dpodesta]

William,

I agree with Corinne, there are a lot out there that are looking for a fast buck, and that can happen on a web site or even someone you just happen to meet. What I have found through my life is that when you stop looking that is when you will find what you were looking for. For right now, take time for yourself, take the time to learn who you are. When you are okay with yourself being alone it will be then that you are ready to find a relationship again

Love always

Derek

[WendyJ]

Oh my dear friend William, I am sorry but now you know to keep your guard up, right? We are so vulnerable right now and it is so easy to pull one over on us, but I guarantee you won't let that happen again ! Oh dear did you send her money? You want me to go over there and beat the crap out of her?

Wendy

[Mrcelloboy]

William,

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with the Russian woman.

I lost Kathy last November 10th.

I tried dating a woman within a month. As soon as we became intimate I realized it was a mistake and backed off. We've remained on good terms and have checked in with each other a couple of times since.

About a month after that I met another lady at a music audition. She seemed quite taken with me, though I wasn't as excited, but we had music in common, and met coincidentally a couple of times and I decided to let things progress. We became intimate and things went well for a few weeks, but I decided I wasn't ready to commit and I backed off.

The next day I met a strikingly fit and attractive woman at a cycling event (I'm a recreational cyclist) and we started dating a week later. Things seemed to be going well for about a month, then she decided it had been too intense too soon and we needed to "back up" to being friends. It became clearer to me within another month that we weren't gonig to return to the closeness we'd started with.

About this time I made a connection with a woman about 400 miles away from my home, through a friend (her cousin) I know through business events. She and I became close through E-Mail and phone calls and got together a half-dozen times over the course of several months. We felt very close by the time we actually met face-to-face. There seemed to be much in common, and lots of physical attraction. We became very affectionate but never crossed a certain threshold in our relationship (at her insistence). I was glad that she'd maintained that boundary as we decided, after several months of interaction, that the "distance" thing was just not going to work for us, and neither of us seemed inclined to move to the other area. I met my current girlfriend immediately after my long-distance gal and I called it quits.

I suppose that if I look back at this path, there are lots of reasons to expect this not to work out, but I'm going to give it my best and stay optimistic. There are certainly important elements with my current relationship that weren't present in these past attempts.

It may appear I've been avoiding my grief, but throughout this time I've continued to proccess my grief; getting one-on-one counseling and meeting with groups.

[dpodesta]

Mrcelloboy,

I don't want to sound bad, but you are the text book example of the book I mentioned earlier. I have seen where someone has lost a spouse and remarries soon after. My dad's dad was that way. He remarried soon after my dad's mom died and they stayed married until my grandfather passed away a couple of years ago. Good luck to you and let us know how everything goes.

Love always

Derek

[kayc]

William,

I am sorry you went through this but please do not feel stupid! It is good that you checked it out and learned about it before it went even further. Try not to let it discourage you but rather keep your eyes open even when your heart is involved. I wish you a better "next time"!

Wendy...that's cute.

[dpodesta]

I would like to see it.

[Stallyn]

Well Friends, I think of myself as the loser of the week, I would like to get the guy behind it, I think they all are, luckily I didn't send a nickel or anything else I guess its changed for the worse now, I agree, I am going to hold off, find myself, and go with the flow. I am so frazzled out with these scammers. Wasted too much time as it is, and I am still grieving more than I thought, couldn't hold the tears missing Myrna so much, things are so different & what happens next I don't know anymore.

P.S. Wendy, I can pay the plane ticket to russia and you can teach them some lessons the practical way, LOL

God Bless!

William

[WendyJ]

William you are not a loser, you were just taken advantage of. Do you seriously think we all haven't been taken advantage of at one time or another? Don't forget you are vulnerable right now and that worked to their advantage. We all need to be careful right now as our thinking isn't as clear as it should be.

Love,

Wendy

P.S. I don't know about teaching them a lesson the practical way, they need a good swift kick...well you know.

[kayc]

Hey, at least you didn't go through that with your spouse! I have been having to deal with George's million and one lies and wiping me out financially because of his drug addiction...and I never saw it. Talk about feeling stupid! And I was married before to my kids' dad for 23 years and it was after 20 years that I learned he smoked but lied to me the whole time about it (he never kissed me so I wouldn't know)...he let my self-esteem suffer to cover up his deceit. The smoking never bothered me but I HATE being lied to! So if you're a loser, I am a double loser!!!

The point is, we are not the losers, people who deceive are the ones who have the problem. If we CONTINUED to accept such behavior and didn't check things after something amiss has come to our attention, THEN you could say we're losers. But it's not being a loser to trust someone when you have no reason to think you can't trust them. I agree, it's much harder to trust once you've been taken. Remember, when we are grieving, we are more vulnerable, so we need to be careful and cautious. But William, you are NOT a loser!

Edited September 26, 2007 by kayc

[Stallyn]

Kay, Wendy,

I been in this charade with scammers for months, obviously widowers are singled out, first it was desperation & loneliness and thinking I could "do it again" like it was 1997. The more i think about it, I wait however long it is to be. I want so much to see Myrna again, she filled the emptiness I feel every day. 20 years is along time to carry on like that Kay, I don't know how you did it for so long, my wife waited years to tell me she was sexually abused by her father as eventually it took her life to the HPV virus, (which I was blamed of carrying it!) maybe I may sound cold, but knowing he passed on in 86 from hepatitis, that set her free, I was grateful for that. But I paid the price of losing her to it, her family didn't have to suffer with that secret or her death like I did. Wendy, you are so correct, I don't think of ever having a clear head for almost 7 months, a good kick several times? Yea!

Hugs,

William

[kayc]

William,

I can understand her waiting so long to tell something like that...a person doesn't know how to bring it up and they're afraid of being judged for it, and they're ashamed, they want to forget it happened, move on, it's just hard. It's not the victims fault but they suffer for it over and over again, as proven in her death...you are suffering for it too. As for Paul Sr.'s smoking, it was a choice HE made, he wasn't victimized, and he purposely let ME suffer because of his secret, and I might add, needlessly. I never cared if anyone smoked or not, even though I don't myself. George smoked too and so does John...I feel it's a personal choice that although I would have preferred they not, I certainly would never judge anyone for it...but lying to me, I don't like that at all!

I guess we have to try and understand why people did things and understand it in light of that. I find it sad that someone not trust their spouse enough to be able to share with them. When I found out I was lied to that long, it really hurt, it made me feel like they thought I was a big ogre or something, that they felt they couldn't talk to me, and on top of it, it made me feel stupid that others knew but I didn't. I guess we just have to let it go, it was their secret, not ours, and no shame belongs to us.

[Stallyn]

Kay,

I can remember when she told me, I was very upset and sad it happend to her, she was taking therapy the year before she passed, just not right. like you said we move on now, but thinking how things became for us is sometimes hard to forget.

William