I Swear I Could Smell Him !

[WendyJ]

Oh dear you are all going to probably think I am going crazy here. I was sitting there tonight watching Survivor and all of a sudden out of nowhere I swear I could smell Steve. It is now 11pm and I am telling you it is still happening on and off, could it just be something else that reminds me of him? I swear as soon as I smelled it this feeling came over me and I felt this sense of comfort. My tiniest dog was also looking at me and barking and howling like something was there or he wanted something. Is it possible that Steve was here or am I just putting a scent with what I would like it to be ?

Wendy

[karenb]

Hang in there, you're doing fine. I've been through those types of things and I came out fine. Just remember the Good Lord is helping you. Just say some prayer you may know of guidance and protection. You will be fine...You are such a good person that all good things will happen for you.

I love you my strong friend....Karen

[AnnieO]

Wendy

I once smelled my aunt's perfume, it was overwhelming, butI had a great sense of comfort too.It happened at a house she had never been in. It was a perfume that smelled differently on eveyone that wore it. I like to believe it was a way for me to realize she is still with me. I hope you have a peaceful day.

[lorikelly]

I don't think you are crazy, i very much believe that this happens. Lori

[MartyT]

Wendy, I assure you that no one here thinks you’re crazy. As an example, read all the posts in this thread: Lost Mom a Year Ago / Feel Her Here

Your experience also reminds me of this encouraging piece from Louis LaGrand’s informative book, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. On pages 119-121 he writes:

Seeking an Extraordinary Encounter

I tell every client who comes to me that there is nothing wrong with asking or praying for a sign that your loved one is okay. You will receive a sign when you need it most. Be patient. Persist. Be specific. Keep petitioning. Stay alert and increase your awareness of the coincidences, feelings, unusual happenings, intuitions, and good things that occur during your day. Give thanks when what you have prayed for arrives. Persistent prayer cannot be denied. In particular, ask your Higher Power to allow you to have a visitation dream. Many spiritual counselors believe that dreams are the easiest way for spirits to communicate with survivors.

You might also combine your prayers with meditation. If prayer is talking to the Intelligence, meditation is listening to that Intelligence. Meditation – opening your mind and heart to the messages of the universe around you – will put you in an ideal state of consciousness to receive an Extraordinary Encounter . . . if something happens to you during your prayer or meditation session, and you are not sure how to assess it, ask yourself four questions:

•Is this the kind of thing my loved one would do?

•What is my intuitive feeling about the event? (Notice what comes into your awareness – what thoughts, physical feelings, emotions.)

•Has this event brought the feelings that love has been given and received?

•Most important of all, did the experience bring peace?

If the answer to the last question is yes, you should feel confident that you’re being led by a power greater than yourself, regardless of what name you attach to it. I firmly believe that peace and a sense of belonging or connectedness go hand-in-hand, and that the road to true healing lies in following that peace.

To read more about the wonderful work of Louis LaGrand, visit his Web site, Extraordinary Grief Experiences.

[kayc]

Wendy,

There is so much we don't know or understand and most of the time things fit into certain little boxes the way we know them, but every once in a while planes cross and we see/feel/hear/smell something that seems out of the ordinary to us. This throws us for a loop because we want to be able to understand or explain everything, we like things under our control. But instead of being concerned about it, accept it and let it bring you comfort. It doesn't even really matter whether it is real or imagined, so long as it is our experience and it helps us. I would have to say though, that with the dog noticing, that does make you wonder...

No you are definitely not crazy! Try to enjoy these special things when they happen.

[Stallyn]

Wendy,

That is truly a blessing from above, I believe too that it is REAL just like the flowers, the sunshine, some time ago before you came here I posted about my late wife visiting me while asleep, behind me at the area she used to sleep I felt the bed sink down and no fear. Its a awesome experience! You are far from crazy, just blessed with the moments of awe

William

[WendyJ]

Thanks everyone for your responses, it is nice to know I am not the only one who has experienced these things. Today was just one of those days that started off okay and ended horribly. I had some workers here who just don't understand much English that screwed a few things up that I wanted them to do and my cousins husband was to come and fix some electical things and change the plugs on my 2 vacuums as they both went (so much for Oreck) and change a phone jack etc. He brought the wrong thermostat and forgot the plugs ! Mind you I have 6 little long haired dogs...I need my vacuum. Well of course after everyone left I had one of my breakdowns as when I had Steve he fixed everything. I never had to rely on other people and pay them or have them botch things up or forget things etc. I am hating every minute of this. Besides missing him so so much my next worst thing is the things around the house that he would take care of that I have no clue ! I feel so vulnerable and helpless and I never had to feel this way before because Steve would take care of it. Is anyone else as scared as I am no longer having a man in the house?

Wendy

[karenb]

It's hard learning new things. Believe me,I've had to many times. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't and I've got to find someone that can and I don't have the money so, I've found some through my new church. It seems just like a process of learning things that we've never learned before....it's hard! It seems to take a long time but we do learn. I try to hang in there and not let anything become too important that I can't think of it the next day when I feel better. We'll do better as time goes on.

Your friend....Karen

[WendyJ]

Some of these things that need to be done are not something I can do though like putting up fence or fixing a door frame etc. or even doing electrical things. I just have this fear of something happening late at night like a pipe leaking or thinking I smell something electrical burning etc. where before I could just say "Honey could you look at this or fix that" etc and now nobody is there. And forget the promises my brother in law made to be there for me. My sister is lucky if she can get him to do projects ! I feel so lost !!!

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Karen especially when our spouses taught us so much too, I wish I could somehow help you gals with the pipes or electrical, I was always repairing my things to save and things sure run out fast here at my home, I enjoyed it so much when Myrna was happy with something I did, now....silence.... Wendy, how old is your home? I am guessing if it was built in the 60's or later, leaks are rare because copper pipes last longer. Do you have someone that is handy with things to help out when you need it? Repairmen tend to take advantage of people at the worst times.

Hugs to you all,

[WendyJ]

William,

I believe my house was built in the 50's or 60's. I live in a lake community where most of these homes at one time were summer homes and converted to all year around. A year before Steve died we had an addition put on with a new master bedroom and a nice kitchen (the orig is now a laundry room and is so small 2 people in it is too much) and a screened porch. We took out 1 bedroom and made a much larger livingroom. But see we are on a cement slab, of course no basement so all plumbing is in the walls and in the cement floor. Alot of updates were done when the addition was put on such as taking out the ceiling panels that were sagging and putting up sheetrock. I would call a plumber or elec. if something major came up but it is the little projects that are bothering me that I have nobody. Examples...why is the vacuum making that funny noise or the door is sticking or this window is stuck or the ice maker stopped making ice etc. (just using as example) who in the heck do you call for more simple things ? I don't belong to a church group like many of you and my brother in law is useless and my step father lives in Florida now. These are the things that I am concerned about that are simple now but might not be later on, does that make sense? Winter is coming and we get alot of snow here in Jersey and not only do I not know how to use and upkeep a snow blower but with Asthma and having had back surgery 10 years ago I can't use the snow blower or shovel or even stay outside long enough to clean off my car without my asthma kicking in. I better stop now because I will just get myself in a tizzy with worry...help William what do I do ?

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Hi Wendy,

wow, alot of work has been done, please don't worry, nothing will happen, I know from my experience when alone like we are now desperation and panic set in, I was worrying about money, paying the rent and I decided to take each day with its own problems at once than tackling a weeks worth of worry, I think we take alot of stress than people that have had not a loss, and I read it has a negative effect on our health. I am the same, I became so independent that I fix ed my own car, or computer, since I never really had a good cash flow, I am thinking if there is some charities that will assist considering you have a bad back that might fill the criteria of need, a good church will help you anyway they can. You can post here always, I wish there is something I can do for you, please always think about yourself first and if you need something please ask, I'll do some research tomorrow for some charities that assists widows/widowers in your area, pls fill me in on how you are doing,

Your friend,

William

[kayc]

Wendy,

My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how you are feeling, I am kind of in the same boat. I have no money to pay anyone, I barely scrape by, but my mobile home is 29 years old and showing it. My hot water tank has been leaking and has cause rot on the flooring underneath, and the laundry room which is adjacent to it, I suspect has warped boards due to this also as my dryer now rocks where it used to sit flush. John and my son will tackle it when my son gets back in another month, but in the meantime, it of course concerns me. I hope and pray the tank doesn't fall through the floor and that the damage isn't too horribly extensive. It is not a one person job though and the people I know are too old to be able to tackle it.

One of the things I have learned to do (and need to remind myself of more often) is to assess if it is something I can do anything about or not. If I can't, I pray about it and leave it for God to handle. I also accept help wherever offered...the problem is, usually help is not offered. You are right about people offering help when your spouse dies and then they do a disappearing act, I think most of us have seen that happen. But the Serenity Prayer helps me...to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. As William has said, try to only deal with today, not tomorrow or a week from now...today has enough of its own.

[Stallyn]

You guys are in my prayers,

William

[suzanne]

William

I too had the experience of the the bed sinking in as though someone was laying down not once but twice. I know it was Will but like you, I wasn't frightened. It was of great comfort. Prior to that I had what I have learned is called an "out of body experience". Approximately two weeks after Will died I was lying in bed and felt myself leaving my body, I thought in that instant is this what it is like to die. I could actually see my body lying in the bed as though I was floating above it. I only saw his face and he put his hands on each side of my face and kissed me. The bed sinking in followed that at later intervals but I have had no other experiences since then. I was blessed to say goodbye to him, but he couldn't speak to me. I wondered if that was God allowing him to say his goodbye.

Wendy

On home repairs I have found you might as well count on the price to escalate as soon as they figure out you are a woman on your own. And they figure that out pretty quickly. I had a brake job done that went from $200 to $600 in a matter of hours. He already had my car torn down, it was Saturday afternoon and I had to have my car back before Monday. Then the pressure washing on my house went up $25.00 in a matter of minutes. He just miscalculated. I tried to have some remodeling done, got a price and the night he came over for the check he had forgotten to add the painting in. Another $900.00. That one I passed on after he walked through my house and asked me if I would sell him some of Will's guns and stuff to him. I just never imagined my life would end up like this. I am so lost. Isn't the grief enough without people taking advantage of you? Just a world I have to learn to live in now and make the best decisions I can.

Suzanne

[karenb]

Suzanne....I've experienced the car thing, having my trees thinned and taken out for too much money but I have been somewhat lucky when it comes to the house. I spent a lot of years in construction and was the contractor on my own house, here, so I kind of know what to expect and I let them know that I built it, know the construction terms, etc. Being in the industry has helped but you are so right about them taking advantage of women, it's so true. I guess all we can do is keep plugging away and learning as much as we can. Hang in there, we'll make it!

Your friend, Karen

[suzanne]

Karen

Maybe you could give me some advice. Will was also in the construction business so he knew everything. I'm clueless. I am trying to have a bathroom remodeled, drywall in it as as well an office and hallway. Painting paneling in a den. Crown molding and baaeboard redone, flooring done and a light fixture replaced instead of a ceiling fan. I contacted a oonstruction company and they said the job was too small, call a handyman. Well that was the one I picked out of the newspaper that forget the painting. Some I have talked to don't return my calls. Do I need to get one perosn for each job? I would prefer one person that could coordinate all of it (without the gouging) but I don't know who to call. Any advice?

Suzanne

[karenb]

Well, I'm no expert but here's a couple questions for you. One, do you belong to a church where you might get some contacts there? A lady at Curves who goes to my new church I go to, her husband is an all around guy, older, that did beautiful work and had me make my check out to the church, so I can deduct it as a charity donation for income tax. Two, do you have a man around somewhere that might be with you if you hire someone for a job? Do you know anyone that has had work done that could refer you to someone? When you have work to be done, can you go online and research that work so you know somewhat what you're talking to them about and check the costs out. Do you know about the free estimates? The internet is so valuable for this research work. I'll keep thinking about this and see how I might be able to help you. Like I said, I am no expert but I would like to help you.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Suzanne,

Thats a very unique experience, I hear of it but it seems rare, he really reached out to you in such a wonderful and mysterious way, I had a vision of my wife standing at the door looking at me awhile back but noting happens anymore except the dreams where we are interacting in some way. I hope you don't mind, there are some private contractors that do anything involving remodeling/repairs, however far and few to find a honest one, and you could perhaps make a white lie that your spouse is in Europe to keep him in check with the estimate. When I was training as a mechanic, they would tell us the woman were the best to "sell" repairs to, however I did not practice that

William

[WendyJ]

You know it is too bad we don't all live near eachother because I could help out with the cars and autoglass repair and if someone had a motorcycle. I work for an autobody collision shop and we also own Mr Auto Glass and Black Label Choppers, we also own Black Bear Paving. I actually am not as concerned about the big jobs as I am the small ones or little things that always seem to happen late at night. It seems like the little repairs are the ones you don't know who to call and most of them are too small for most people to even come out. I wish I had some money as I would start my own business and call it Rent A Spouse. It would be for Widows and Widowers who are lost and need help and for small jobs nobody would charge as they could barter for something they needed done. For larger jobs a fair price would be settled on. I could even have a 24 hr a day emergency service. I know myself knowing that help was just a phone call a way would be such a relief !

Wendy

William and Suzanne I wish I had that same experience with the bed sinking, but then again maybe I did and didn't know it. I have 6 little Japanese Chin that never let me out of their site and follow me like a little train. They are so darling, so sleeping with six little bodies on my bed there is always someone moving around..... that must have been such a comfort though !

Wendy

[karenb]

What a wonderful idea! "Rent a Spouse" There are so many people who would just love that. Great!

Karen

[WendyJ]

You know I wonder if there is already something like that, I should check out on line and see !

Wendy

William did you take your meds today? I am going right now to take mine.

Hugs,

Wendy

[suzanne]

William, Wendy & Karen

Thank you for your replys. Yes William it was a unique experience that I will cherish forever. Wendy don't fret because you haven't had one yet, your sense of him is enough. They will each come to each to us in their own special way. We all know that they loved us dearly.

No, I don't know any men or groups to help in my remodeling. Guess I will just pray a little more about it and God will send someone my way. Maybe the road has been blocked because it is not time yet to make changes.

Suzanne

[WendyJ]

I have a question I have been wondering about. Marty you had said that a common way for communication is in our dreams. How can we tell the difference between a communication while we are sleeping and just a dream?

Wendy