I Swear I Could Smell Him !

[karenb]

Someone will come your way. You know about checking their references, having a written contract (no matter how small), small deposits if necessary, etc.? I'll keep thinking....

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Suzanne, you are always welcome, Thats a great idea, rent a spouse, would be nice to have someone go shopping with me, so boring, Wendy, I may add I did some research on ADC, called after death communication since I wondered too. It usually happens when you aren't actively looking for it, shortly after my wife passed I remember seeing a hummingbird gazing at me through the windshield like time stopped for a moment and I said her name. You can do a search for ADC. I'd like to know what Marty thinks also..

William

Wendy,

I don't remember if I did take them, thanks for reminding me my dear friend..

WIlliam

[WendyJ]

You are so welcome William, I got your back covered ! Do you know you are like the 10th person that has mentioned a humingbird? I am so shocked at this, there has to be something behind this because you don't see them that often, especially as close as everyone is saying that they come. My luck would be I would sit outside all day waiting for one by the flowers and get stung by a bee ! LOL Please tell me what you are reading on ADC if it is interesting.

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Wendy,

This must be a common thing it seems? I always expected a dove, stung by a bee LOL, you are popular with more life than you know this is a paragraph from a site I visited.

"AFTER DEATH COMMUNICATION is a spiritual experience, which occurs when you are contacted directly and spontaneously by a deceased family member or friend, without the use of psychics, mediums, rituals, or devices of any kind. It's estimated that 60-120 million Americans - 20-40% of the population of the United States - have had one or more ADC experiences. Therefore, ADCs provide convincing new evidence for life after death"

I personally don't care for the psychic mediums, perhaps God allows us to "see" our loved ones to encourage us and let us know that they are happy. Statistics are high that it occurs, often times I believe we are contacted , by the time we are awake it is forgotten like most dreams, I only recall 2 times being visited in dreams but its likely to be much higher than that.

William

[WendyJ]

Is that quote from Christine Duminiak? It sounds familiar. I thought about joining her prayer group for communication from passed loved ones. But am reluctant as I am not very religious and do not like being preached to at all. I do believe in God and pray in my own way in my own time and do not feel the need to be in church to do that. Anytime I tried joining a church I was turned completely off by the way they just jump on you like you were a new body to recruit. It was always join this group or join that group or I will come to your house to pray etc. it was just too much for me. I have even tried just going and sitting in the back of church trying not to be acknowledged and never got away with it. I don't mind people saying welcome and please join us again but it was never that simple.

Hugs,

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Wendy,

I am not for sure, it was from after-death.com, Wendy that is understandable, I can give you my experiences from the past also, I became a christian in 1990, grew up in the catholic church, and experimented with different deviations of religion and the next was worse than the last, telling you what and how to think, live, pray, just to get wounded by them cramming doctrines into my head, last time I went before I got chrohns, since then no more. I think well our personal relationship with God is the important factor and not what others tell you how it should or must be. Prayer is like our diary, God and ourselves are the only ones that need to know, however you approach it, the answer will come. I hope this isn't offensive in any way.

Hugs,

William

[WendyJ]

William,

So you experienced about the same thing I did. Why when you go to a church can you not just be welcomed and told of what they have going on and what they have to offer without craming it down your throat? It is so sad because I have felt each time like they were a cult trying to put a hook in me and real me in. I would love to just go to church and enjoy the service and go home, but it is like they don't want that, they want you to be more involved and then some of them want you to commit your life savings to them. My sister was going to join a certain chuch so she could get her 5 yr old twins involved in Sunday School and she changed her mind when she found out she had to commit to a certain percentage of their income. I hope I don't offend anyone either but these are true experiences and I do not believe you have to be a member of a church to pray.

Wendy

[kayc]

You do not have to be a member of a church to pray. I wish that it were not so that so many churches are controlling and drop you when you don't become their little clone, but unfortunately, a lot of organizations, and church is no exception, have their own agenda. All I can say is continue to maintain your relationship with God, and if you are really interested in finding a church to go to, it might take some looking but there have to be some that are not that way. The thing to remember with pushy people is you have to be assertive and voice yourself and if they still adamantly shove stuff down your throat, it's not the place for you.

Edited September 24, 2007 by kayc

[Dusky]

Hello to each of you,

I noticed the discussion of “After Death Communication” and the reference to hummingbirds. This struck a real cord with me and I have something to share with you all in reference to this subject. Some of you – who have been members for two years, will probably see this as a repeat. Howeve,r there are so many new members I will re-submit a “hummingbird” story that actually happened to me just 7 months after Jack had died. Following is the story of the “After Death Communication” – the humming bird that carried the communication – and the poem I wrote following this encounter.

Here it is:

A Hummingbird - He “Held Me In His Arms” Today

Today I asked these questions - in the afternoon daylight.

How can your little image – hold me frozen here in place?

Who are you little bird so rare – who should vanish without trace?

Why do you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait?

Why do you show me colors bright – why do you hesitate?

Either I am more sensitive to what is happening around me – more in tune with nature - and all it beholds – or - Jack has found yet another way to gently “Hold Me In His Arms” - Today. Perhaps - a bit of both?

I was leaving my parents home in Scottsdale this afternoon when a few hummingbirds were moving like jet streams out the gated entry of their home. Suddenly - Just two feet ahead of me, – “one lone hummingbird” – broke from the pack - uncharacteristically stopped - and landed on the lower branch of a bush - in my clear view. It stopped me dead in my tracks. It was as if this small yet powerful creature was saying, “Hey there you – Look at me – Can you see me?” He could clearly see me – and I could clearly see him. There was little foliage in this particular area and his little body was sitting there - still – looking back at me – almost telling me - “come closer John Boy”. I stopped and said to my parents – “look at that hummingbird – have you ever known one to stop and simply sit there and look at you”. Even my conversation about this happening – did nothing to frighten him away. I also have a tendency to talk with “my hands” - but nothing was going to stop the performance that was about to unfold before our eyes. My parents were directly behind me watching this small creature gaze wistfully in my direction. Wistfully you say? Yes – a Gaze – and Wistfully. He beckoned me closer – as if for a “curtain call” – and I obliged - stepping closer.

Then the color show began! He fluttered his wings numerous times and displayed a most beautiful shade of fuchsia - as his wings opened and shut – He SAT ON A BRANCH – not propelled in mid air - as normally seen by his species. He was insistent on STAYING FOR A VISIT – truly not frightened by the human presence. For at least one full minute, this tiny creature put on his own color show of – fuchsia – blues and greens. Even my two steps toward him did not detour his artistic display of “who he was”. My hand reached out toward him – and still - He did not make one move to fly. It was not until I continued my stroll - directly past him - that he took flight again - and jetted into the sky. My magnified glance at natures face – had ended.

And so, I had to ask these questions once again.

How did your little image – hold me frozen here in place?

Who were you little bird so rare – who should vanish without trace?

Why did you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait?

The poem:

“The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

How can your little image – hold me frozen here in place?

Who are you little bird so rare – who should vanish without a trace?

Why do you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait?

Why do you show me colors bright – why do you hesitate?

I strolled on down this little path - and suddenly - you were there

Your little friends you flew here with - had gone - to who knows where

You returned and landed on a branch - for me to see

And little did I realize - that you would Smile On Me

Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style

Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

At first, you were so quiet - as I stopped to notice you

And then, your little head would twist - and turn to show me blue

Startled and unsure of what to make - of you still here

I took just one step closer - and you beckoned – “Closer Dear”

The show would now begin – as you fluttered tiny wings

The sun now glistened on you clearly - asking you to sing

The color show of pinks and blues and greens - burst in mid air

The tiny bird from who knows where - was showing something rare

Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style

Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

I took just one step closer - and you beckoned – “John Boy – See”

And then your little head would twist - and turn to say - “It’s Me”

The show continued onward – as you fluttered tiny wings

The sun now glistened on you clearly - asking you to sing

The color show of pinks and blues and greens - burst in mid air

The tiny bird from who knows where - was showing something rare

Suddenly you vanished - as I walked into your space

You were gone from sight again – and had vanished without trace

Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style

Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

How did your little image – hold me frozen here in place?

Who were you little bird so rare – who should vanish without trace?

Why did you sit so still – so close – and look at me – and wait?

Why did you show me colors bright – why did you hesitate?

Just like the life we shared for years - with color and with style

Remembered in the visit from “The Humming Bird’s - Sweet Smile”

Symbols – or if you will “After Death Communications” – are a wonderful comfort after you have lost someone. I deal with this subject as part of the book I have written. The book is almost ready to be sent to the publisher and will be in print by the end of the year or the first part of the New Year. The book will probably be entitled “Finding My Banana Bread Man”. The “Hummingbird” story and poem is part of my book.

In hope, this all lends some credence to the topic of “After Death Communication”. I can speak form experience that our loved ones do in fact speak to us in whatever medium is available to them. Hummingbirds are indeed a marvelous medium of communication.

If you catch a scent of you’re loved on in the air - they are in fact communicating with you. Symbols are all around us – we simply have to be cognizant of their presence and grief seems to heighten our sensitivity to these symbols.

Love to all,

John – Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack.

[karenb]

Dusky....Thank you for your words. They just flow and are very comforting. You must be a special person. Thanks, again.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Wendy,

I seen those churchgoers are overzealous about their faith and think numbers are better than faith, I never felt welcome either, it was to distracting to my own faith. Does God condemn us if we don't go to a church? God is always with us. I am surprised each of us have the same experiences, we should form our own group

right here, no strings attached, just always what we are doing now, loving each other, supporting each other.

John,

Never in a long time I felt such awe since your post, I am at a loss for words simply awesome, you have such a way with words, thanks for sharing that my friend!

Truly,

William

[MartyT]

Dear ones all, I can certainly understand your skepticism, and I think you are wise to exercise caution as you consider these matters of prayer, religion, spirituality, after-death communication and mystical experiences. I also think it's important to wonder, to explore, and to seek answers to the very questions you are asking. We may not have the answers, indeed we may never know the answers, but we have every right to ask the questions. This search for meaning is a healthy and very necessary part of the grief process.

Wendy, in an earlier post you said, “I have a question I have been wondering about. Marty you had said that a common way for communication is in our dreams. How can we tell the difference between a communication while we are sleeping and just a dream?” Although grief dreams and After-Death Communications (ADCs) are not my areas of expertise, it would seem to me that it really doesn’t matter whether we consider one of these experiences as a “communication while we are sleeping” or “just a dream.” What matters is the personal meaning we choose to attach to such an experience ~ and that is strictly up to the individual.

Like you, I am fascinated by these topics also, and I am happy to point you to some resources that, in my own search for answers, I’ve found to be quite helpful and informative. See, for example, the articles, books and Web sites I have listed on the Alternative Healing page of my Grief Healing Web site. I’ve personally explored all the sites and have read all the books I’ve chosen to list there, and I have met several of the individuals whose names are listed there as well, including Christine Duminiak. (I’ve read Christine’s book, God’s Gift of Love: After Death Communications, and I’ve also attended one of her workshops here in Phoenix. Although she is a Catholic Christian and someone I would consider spiritually inclined, she is not a religious fanatic, nor did I experience her as intent on converting anyone to her personal religious beliefs.)

I’m also including here the content of one of my earlier posts about religion and the part it plays in grief, in case you didn’t see it in another thread:

When we are coping with a traumatic loss, such as the death of a loved one, we are forced to begin the difficult process of adapting to what is happening to us. Part of that process is trying to make some sense of it. We search for meaning. Whatever faith we had may be shaken to the core, as the very values and beliefs we’ve held onto all our lives suddenly are brought into question.

Whether sudden or expected, the death of someone loved is an unwelcome and extremely painful interruption of our relationship with our beloved ~ and for most of us (in our culture at least), it not only hurts, it just feels wrong. Intellectually we may know that death is a part of life, and sooner or later it will happen to all of us, but in our hearts and souls we grieve. Sometimes we’re angry that this has happened to us, and we need someone ~ anyone ~ to blame for the injustice of it all. Sometimes the one we want to blame is God, or our higher power, or fate or the universe, or whomever else we think we can hold accountable.

In an earlier post it was stated that "Religions were created to fill voids in the minds of people, (and of course used to gain power and control)." Well, yes and no. A lot of research has been done around this matter of religion and the part it plays in grief, and I think it’s important to note that for some, religion can offer an effective way of coping with loss. For example, in a new book I’ve just finished reviewing (Handbook of Thanatology: The Essential Body of Knowledge for the Study of Death, Dying, and Bereavement, David Balk, Editor-in-Chief, © 2007, Association for Death Education and Counseling) Robert G. Stevenson writes about a hospital chaplain named Mwalimu Imara. (Imara was the chaplain who worked in Chicago alongside Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the famous psychiatrist who wrote the ground-breaking book On Death and Dying). In his work with dying patients and their families, Chaplain Imara noticed a significant difference in those who believed in and practiced what he called authentic religion. People with authentic religion, he observed, used their religion to form their sense of who they were. They used their faith to set and follow their life priorities, to make choices and face the consequences of those choices, and to make sense out of life and death. They found a way to answer those basic questions about life and death – and as a group, they were less anxious and less fearful of death. These individuals were better able to cope with loss and to move through the grief process more effectively.

This matter of religion and spirituality is such an important topic, and I applaud you all for bringing it up, exploring it, and discussing it with one another here. I hope you will continue to do so. I also think you may find this article helpful: Spiritual Reactions to Loss.

Finally, here is a sampling of others’ thoughts on this important topic of religion and spirituality, taken from my site's Comfort for Grieving Hearts page:

Some mourners may have been taught to believe that if their faith is strong enough, there is no need to mourn. For those who internalize this misconception there is a tendency to grieve internally but not to mourn externally. When this occurs, [the mourner needs help to] understand that having faith does not preclude mourning. Having faith does mean having the courage to allow yourself to mourn. Some will need the gentle reminder [in Matthew 5:4], “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” – Alan D. Wolfelt

"Meanwhile, where is God? . . . go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence . . . Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not, ‘So there's no God after all,' but ‘So this is what God's really like. Deceive yourself no longer.'"

— C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

In our circle,we noticed that the temptation can exist for Christians to sugarcoat everything and act like bad things are really good things in disguise. "Gifts come in all kinds of packages," someone said to me recently in reference to the painful things we face in life.I don't think I will ever reach a place where I could consider [my son] Seth's death a "gift" any more than I consider rape or child abductions, terrorist attacks, murder, genocide, or famine "gifts." While it is true that the strength or the insight we gain from God to get through these times could be considered as gifts, the event itself is not, and I believe that God grieves just as much as we do. Why can't we just admit that painful things are painful? Why can't we just sit down with people and cry along with them as we admit that what happened is cause for tears? We don't need people to rush in and frantically try to wrap it all up pretty with a bow, like it is something we should savor. In time, we may see goodness that seeped out of badness, but we should leave it to God to show us that, when our eyes are not so full of tears and we can see more clearly.

-- Elizabeth A. Price, in "Helping the Bereaved: A Few Basic Rules," Bereavement Magazine, September/October 2003. Reprinted with permission from Bereavement Publishing, Inc. (888-604-4673)

When we travel the journey of grief, the familiar can become unfamiliar, even unrecognizable. Relationships can be put on hold (though sometimes because we don't recognize the love that surrounds us), our bodies respond differently than before (energy levels, appetite, sleep, general health) and our emotions often become, at best, a wild ride through some very dark and gloomy waters. Even God (our beliefs, values and sources of strength) is different. For some, even the ability to believe in anyone or anything is stretched to impossibility, for a long time, maybe even forever. Sorrow can be a very deep hole, deepened by our perceived loss of that sense of connection. For many it is about despair, fear and hopelessness. For others, a sense of sadness and futility. It may be less severe for many, but it is still there. For all of us still wrestle with the essential questions of life and meaning. Why did this happen? Why did this happen now? What will happen to me? How will I live now? Do I want to go on living? What do I need to do now? These are the questions of life and grief, as old as the ancient psalms and as fresh as this morning's first cup of coffee. What does all of this mean for you and me? The answer (and it isn't really an answer, but a choice, a hunch, a moving through the journeys of grief and of faith all twisted and turned together) is in connecting to myself, my story and my God . . . it is faith, our ability to believe and trust in the outcomes or blessings of even one's suffering, that brings us through our sorrow to a renewed sense of hope. My beliefs help me identify where I am, who I am, where I am going, and how I will get there. Healthy spirituality never dodges the tough bullets of grief. It never diminishes my worth and never dismisses my feelings. My relationship with God leaves me plenty of time and space to wander and to ponder. There is room to be angry, with the encouragement to receive anger's gift rather than be seduced by its rage. I can connect with my guilt, yet welcome forgiveness that restores. My loneliness is embraced through religious community or context, ritual, sacrament and prayer (or whatever fits with your traditions). Grief's anonymity ("Doesn't anyone understand?") is embraced by a God sometimes perceived to be distant and inaccessible, who still knows me by name!

-- Reverend Richard Gilbert, M.Div. in "Like Connecting with an Old Friend," Bereavement Magazine, January/February 2002. Reprinted with permission from Bereavement Publishing, Inc. (888-604-4673)

. . . Months ago I was angry at what I thought was the sheeplike stupidity of people who believed in a God who cared about them. Enraged by Gretchen's death, I could not understand how people, especially those whose children had died, could believe they were loved by God. Having myself grown up with that image of the fatherly taskmaster, I needed something to blame, something to hate for what had happened; and there He was, still present in my memory, somehow alive under layers of consciousness. Shortly after Gretchen died I saw a woman driving a car with a bumper sticker saying GOD LOVES YOU, and I felt like running her off the road. I saw the same message the other day and shrugged. Now that my anger is subsiding, I see Him and all the other gods as not unlike my own "pathetic fallacies," the fantasies of minds and hearts unhinged by grief. I may not believe what others do, but I have experienced the desperate longing to understand, and I know I, too, am one of the sheep. So I don't begrudge anyone a belief that can help them get through the day.

— Tom Crider, in Give Sorrow Words: A Father's Passage Through Grief

There is a Job-like mystery in human suffering and loss that can’t be comprehended with reason. It can only be lived in faith. Suffering forces our attention toward places we would normally neglect. [it is] the lesson taught by many mystics: that this necessary dimension of faith is spawned by unknowing. Nicholas of Cusa said we have to be educated into our ignorance or else the full presence of the divine will be kept at bay. We have to arrive at that difficult point where we don’t know what is going on or what we can do. That precise point is an opening to true faith.

-- Thomas Moore, in Care of the Soul

Religion is not a shield from pain, but a mechanism for dealing with it effectively. Effectively: not hiding from pain, not eliminating it, not denying it, not continuing it -- but working through it and getting past it through very practical methods.

– Dorian Scott Cole

There is but one freedom. To put oneself right with death. After that, everything is possible. I cannot force you to believe in God. Believing in God amounts to coming to terms with death. When you have accepted death, the problem of God will be solved -- and not the reverse.

-- Albert Camus

[Corinne]

Dusky (John),

Thank you so much for sharing that beautiful story and poem, you do have a way with words! Please let us know when your book is published. Jack was very lucky to have you to take care of him and love him as you did!

Marty,

Thank you for the info!

I have just found my faith again and have not started the search for a church in my new town. One thing I think we need to remember in looking for a church is, it is just like looking for a new hairdresser, a new garage, a new grocery store, etc... We need to remember we are dealing with people, not God directly in looking for a church, which means we are dealing with human beings and as we all know no one is perfect and we all have our faults and short comings. Unfortunately, it is a matter of trial and error.

Hugs & prayers to all,

Corinne

[karenb]

I'm glad for you, Corrine. Jack and I were going to get started in a new church home, but, of course, that ended. It was a year and a half before I started looking again, and you're right. It has to be the right fit. I finally found one, several friends from my exercise group go there so I knew people. I don't practice everything they do but the basics are there for me and I enjoy it, and one of the things is the ladies' group that has become a real support....such wonderful ladies and all with their own situations. It is such a support group. I was brought up in church and it's just something I wanted to do. It's not for everybody but it happens to be a good fit for me and brings me some peace. Good for you and I hope you succeed....I know you will.

Your friend, Karen

[WendyJ]

Marty,

All these topics always intrigued me even before my Steve's death. One thing I have always wanted to do was to see John Edwards in person, I heard it is very expensive but I would still love to see him. I have also always loved watching shows like Ghost Hunters and we actually at one time did have a ghost in our house that would play with the very dog that I mentioned in another post that was barking and howling at me when I said I smelled Steve, which is now very strange as it is almost constant. We lost our playful ghost when we put an addition on the house. Thank you for all the information you listed I am going to check it all out.

Hugs,

Wendy

[karenb]

Boy do I know what you mean. I've had my wicker angel fly down in front of the fireplace, my hanging cups just swing back and forth and etc., but I feel no discomfort. Jack just used to say that, after my Auntie Mylda died, that's when the cups started moving. We both saw it. But there was more before Jack was in my life. There were so many things that when I mention them to my daughter she just says, "Mom, that's just you." Maybe, we're just in tune. I always put myself in God's hands...but that's just me!

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Marty, thank you for the encouragement of faith and hope! We had an paranormal experience when we were married, we resided in a huge apartment complex with ALOT of history, one night we were in bed laying next to each other on our sides, then suddenly we heard inhuman screaming coming from inside our pillows, she always mentioned the paper sitting on a table curved up and moving by itself, and of course we saw the "shadow people"

Hugs,

William

[kayc]

Marty,

So very "well put"! You quoted many insights regarding God/spirituality/religion. I have heard it said that religion is a practice whereas Christianity is a relationship (with God). C. S. Lewis is one of my favorites because he was not only highly intelligent, an "expert in the field" (of religion), a good author, but so human! He was one of those who had a deeper insight because of what he had personally experienced. If a person reads his work and then reads about his life, it shed so much perspective and give depth to the meaning of his work. He knew love, he knew pain, he knew death, and he knew God.

To those who are searching for some deeper meaning, for comfort, for direction, I pray God will grant it to you. For myself, I consider myself so fortunate to have found peace with Him.