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I'm At The Hospital Again

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Today I got a call from my friend Virgie...her husband had to go to the hospital. He's not in good health, in fact, he was in the hospital when George died. They need to do surgery on him to remove the graft they'd put in a couple of months ago because he is riddled with infection. The prognosis they gave was NOT good. So we have been here for over 8 hours, waiting. He is still in surgery. I am on the same ward that George was in when he passed away...I sat in the same room where I was when I got the news that my husband was gone. I am doing okay. I called John to tell him our friend Jim's situation and he was having a hard time with it, that touched me.

We are all tired, it's late (or early, depending on how you look at it)...just please pray for Jim and Virgie. So far he is still in surgery and that is good...so far they haven't come out and told us anything.

Thanks...I am a little out of it, we have been through a lot...but I need your prayers...will let you know how it comes out.

Love you all,


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I will be praying for you and your friends. Hope the surgery is successful. I know how hard it must be for you to be at the hosptial. And I know how it is for your friend to feel so helpless while her husband is in surgery. You are such a good friend for being there with them. Take care.


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Thank you all for your prayers...

Jim made it through surgery. His heart stopped several times and they had to get it going again, they were concerned about brain damage but I don't think he sustained any. They decided not to remove the grafts because after they removed the huge infected cyst, they saw it was not attached to the grafts but had tissue between them. It was all complicated and hard to take in. They still do not give him a good prognosis, they think he may have infection in his body that antibiotics won't help and his health is very fragile...but we are all praying for him, it's in God's hands now.

One thing I thought was kind of neat is that because I have experienced this myself, I knew how to best minister to Virgie. I gave her some alone time with her husband before the surgery because I never got that with George. I prayed out loud for her and Jim. I knew what to say and what not to say. I made phone calls for her, I held her, I let her cry, I cried with her. And we prayed through the night. This morning I drove her home (we're 50+ miles from the hospital) as she had not slept in 48 hours. We got locked in the parking garage and it took over an hour to get someone to let us out. Virgie thinks her husband looks better now than he did before the surgery. We don't know what they'll do next or how it'll turn out...right now she's holding on to hope and I have to let her...none of us can know the final outcome until it happens. Sometimes God has different ideas than people and even doctors don't always know.

When I first went on the 4th floor ICU, it was hard, so many memories of that fateful day in 2005...it was very, very hard to be in the room where I got the news my husband was gone. At first it started to hit me but then I told myself I wasn't here about that, I was here for Jim and Virgie and I just got through it, I had to be there for them, I had to be strong for them. And it amazed me that I did so well. Virgie is strong too...if she has to face death, she will make it...she won't want to, no more than any of us did, she will go through all the same rough spots we all have, and it will hurt and be just as hard as it was on all of us, but her faith will win out and carry her...eventually. For now, I hope it is a long while before she has to go through all that. She is one of my best friends and you never want your best friend to go through the hardest thing you've ever experienced.

I thank you all for your prayers...Jim isn't out of the woods yet so please continue to pray. I appreciate it.

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Thank you so much for sharing the details of this experience with us, Kay. Your friend Virgie is fortunate to have an angel such as yourself by her side at this difficult time ~ just as we are fortunate that you are such an important and significant part of our GH family here.

Your story serves as a beautiful example of what our own grief experience can teach us: how to reach out in compassion and “be there” for another, how to love and be loved more fully. It is one of the most precious gifts of bereavement.

In her lovely book, A Season of Grief: A Comforting Companion for Difficult Days, bereaved mother Ann Dawson writes,

Not long after Andy’s death, another bereaved parent attempted to comfort me by saying, “We now belong to a special club, a club we didn’t want to join but we’re together in it now.” I felt revulsion at hearing her words. I hated having to belong to that club, and I wanted no part of that membership. But none of the club members were voluntary conscripts. We had all been drafted against our wills. Yet as time went on, I resigned myself to this membership and found myself reaching out in compassion to other suffering individuals. I had known the pain of loss and the comfort of a caring hand. I needed to return the favor to others in need. I find that this is a common trait among those who have suffered a great loss. It is a gift that we receive and then pass along to the next person. It is what makes us children of God. [p. 67]

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