What Now?

[northern duke]

Dear all,

About a week ago I finally decided to drop out of school for the semester and start again during the spring semester. I went down to the financial aid office to settle the legal “trappings” as it were of the situation and discovered that dropping out, in actuality, was not an option.

As it turns out, if I were to drop out now I would have to pay back the entire sum of the financial aid that I had received prior to starting school. This is quite obviously not an option at all.

So, in summation it would appear that I am royally screwed.

After this meeting I attended classes for about four days unsuccessfully. It is exactly as I had predicted. I can’t seem to get a grip on anything. I really do want to focus but it’s just all too different and hard. One time in Psychology class The Professors called my name in class about ten times before I even heard him. I just couldn’t hear him! That’s not right. He spoke to me after class and told me that if I didn’t get a grip soon he would kick me out.

The following day my Grandparents took me out to buy some new cloths (always a pleasure), and while we were out to lunch, I tried to explain to them the difficulties I was experiencing. All he seemed to hear was that I wasn’t doing well in school. He explained to me that if I didn’t pass all of my classes I would quote; “Very much disappoint him.”

Please understand that I very much want to please my Grandfather. I really do. I love him more than anyone in the world. He is the only man that I have ever known in my own family. But I’ve spent so much of my life trying to please him and always coming up short. I truly feel bad about being his grandson. He deserves someone who will carry his name to something great, and I don’t feel that I am that person. I feel indescribably worthless.

I don’t know what will happen with college. I’ll try my best but I already feel worn to my hilt.

So, what now?

Christian (The Duke).

[karenb]

Christian (I love that name) - Well, it sounds like you're staying in school, like it or not. I was wondering if the college had counselors that could help in your dilemma. My grandson just graduated from college and I know that school had people to help you students out. I know it's very hard to focus, but that might be just the thing for you. It's great you have such good grandparents. I'm sure your Grandfather would just like to see you really try and that would make him proud. You definitely aren't worthless, just a little lost for now. You really need to find some counseling, a young person's group, and it's probably right under your nose. You are a good person, don't ever think otherwise and I know you're trying your best right now. School is very hard and applying yourself is important, even if you don't feel like it right now. Please talk to someone about counseling at school or somewhere else in your town. Keep working on it, Christian, you are so worth it. Keep in touch.

Your friend, Karen

[suzanne]

Christian

You are not worthless and I am sure your grandfather loves you and is proud of you. I know you are totally worn out but try as best as you can. You are a great person and I feel he is proud for you to carry on the family name. Anyone would be proud to have a grandson so loving and caring. You are just so young to carry such a heavy burden but I know you can do it and your grandfather only wants what is best for you. Take care.

Suzanne

[dpodesta]

Christian

I agree with everyone else. I know how you feel, I always felt that I came short of my dad's expectations and I felt worthless as a result. I know better now and after Karen's death and my financial difficulties afterwards I finally had the guts to ask him if I had disappointed him in how I handled my life. He told me that I had made some choices that were not necessairly the best choices but that I had never disappointed him. Most of the time what we persieve is not what is actually going on. I am sure your Grandfather has come from old school where you suck it up and go on. Don't fault him for that,it is just the way it was back then. Talk to a counslor at school, like what has been suggested. It is going to be hard believe me I know, I had to go to work after my wife died you can't just drop out of work because you can't concentrate you have to just go and try the hardest you can. Since it now looks like you can't drop out, you are jsut going to have to try your best. You might be able to talk to your teachers and explain what is going on and see what they suggest, I know for me one year I took an incomplete in a course and when the next semester came along I finished the project that needed to be done and then got my grade. I know there has to be some other options out there for you, just take the time to do some research and talk with all involved and I am sure it will work out. Let us know how it all progresses.

Love always

Derek

[shell]

Christian,

I can't add any more than the others have. They gave you such good advice. I just wanted to let you know that we all think you are an exceptional person. Hang in there and try to get some help with a counselor at school, that would help you a lot, I think.

As Derek said, let us know how it's going.

A BIG hug to you,

Shell

[TraceyF]

If it's worth anything Christian, I am in exactly the same situation. My mum died 4 months ago, and I am at university studying psychology (albeit as a mature age student - I'm 30) and finding it very difficult to concentrate and remember anything. Last week I totally forgot about an online test that is worth 15%. I wrote it down, remembered the day before, and even had a sticky note on my computer. I still forgot

I am talked to the school counsellor to get extensions on assignments before mum died and I was her main carer, and am booked in to see her again next week. I hope she can help me.

I was planning on deferring this semester but found myself in the same predicament - would lose my scholorship, get fails for the enrolled units, and would still have to pay the loans. So I decided to stay, and am working through it.

If I can suggest one thing, it is to be as open as you can with you lecturers/tutors and/or course coordinator. I find it very hard to ask for help, and almost feel like since it's been 4 months, that I am making excuses.

No-one told me it was going to be (much) harder as time went on. "Time heals" seems like a big lie at the moment. I am so sad, lonely and unsure of myself. I want my memory back, and I miss my mum so much.

I'm thinking of you Christian. xx

[rosanne]

My mom has been gone for 4 months, and I am the same way-it is so hard for me to concentrate...... I thought something was wrong with me, and if I forget to take my pills I will cry for hours, I am so out of control- I can't function. When will it ever get any better?? I am so tired of dragging from day to day so sad all of the time. I do nothing well!!

[dpodesta]

Rosanne,

4 months, I hate to tell you this but you are only at the begining. Each person is different, so it might not last as long as it did for me, but it was at almost a year that I started feeling better. When it came to work, I made quite a few mistakes, a year later I am still finding some of those. When it came to physicall labor, I did good, I didn't have to think or concentrate, grated I wore myself out and lost 20 pounds. Just give it time and try to take it one day at a time. You are still at the begining and have the holidays to go through yet those will be tough. Just keep coming here and we will be here to help you get through this.

Love always

Derek