Looking For Guidance

[lostlamb07]

I'm new to this so bear with me.

I lost my dad when i was four. My mom did the best she could but she was never the same. Before dad got sick she was a stay at home mom with 4 great girls. All of a sudden she was thrown into being a single parent and having to work. She never stopped grieving until she passed away eleven years later. Her death was sudden but expected. She had stopped taking care of herself and was having a lot of health problems because of that. Because of the loss of both parents at such a young age I can't get very close to anybody because i'm afraid of losing them as well. I even have a hard time getting close to my sisters' who mean the world to me. Does anybody have any advice to get past the worry of losing somebody again. Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

[Corinne]

Dear Lostlamb07,

I am so sorry for your loss. To go throught the loss of both parents at such a young age is more than anyone should have to go through.

As for not letting yourself get close to anyone because you are afraid of losing them, you need to realize you are missing a lot of really good things like, close friends, the love and closeness of your sisters, and in the future the love of a mate.

Maybe it would be helpful for you to sit down and make a list of the good things you are missing out on and the bad things that could come from being close to someone. In losing my husband and my fiance I have found that I have learned a lot and become a stronger and better person. I personally feel it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

In letting yourself get close to your sisters you will find comfort and strength that can only come from family.

Keep coming back and posting it really does help.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[MartyT]

Dear Lost Lamb,

You've asked for advice or comments, so I’m going to point you to a number of posts on this site that I think will be helpful to you, and I hope you will take the time to read them. Some of the posts contain links to other resources, which I encourage you to follow as well.

The first two posts discuss dealing with the death of a parent at an early age. Although in these two cases the parent who died was a mother rather than a father, I think the content of the messages may be of particular interest to you:

Can't Sleep

Gone and Forgotten

You ask for “any advice to get past the worry of losing somebody again.” While you are most welcome to continue seeking the useful information, comfort and support you will find from all the members of our Grief Healing family here, I think you may also find it helpful to discuss your particular concerns with an “in person” grief counselor or therapist. These next three posts deal with the value of seeking counseling:

Reluctant to Seek Counseling

Reasons for Avoiding Counseling

Never Too Late to Do the Work of Mourning

[shell]

lostlamb,

I'm so sorry for the loss of both your parents, and at such a young age. I know the feeling, as I have recently realized I'm afraid to get too close to people too. I have also had several friends (or people I thought were friends) that just weren't there for me when I needed them most. And because of that too, I have narrowed my trust down to one, MAYBE two friends! I'm not only afraid I'll lose someone through death, but just be disappointed again, by losing them because they are so wrapped up in themselves they seem to have forgotten my feelings. I do hope though that you will try with your sisters. Have you talked with them about this? Just sharing your fears can sometimes make a huge difference. Good luck.

Hugs,

Shell