My Dad's Fight Is Over

[AnnieO]

Hello,

Everyone here has been so kind and caring, I just wanted to let you know my dad died last night. Both my brother and I were with him. I find comfort in knowing my dad and mom are together, their pain and suffering is over.

Thank you for all of your support, please keep my family in your prayers.

[teny]

annie Im so sorry for your loss.YOU have been a support for me and thank you .I hope you find confort and as I remember you do have a family and kids.The love of your family will give you strength.I know it hurts .My love from far awy .TENY

[Corinne]

AnnieO,

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. May you find peace now that the suffering is over.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[MartyT]

Annie, dear ~

Please know that we are thinking of you and sending you our heartfelt sympathy. We know that even though your feelings for your father are mixed, and your dad's health has been failing for a long time, his death still must come as a painful and final blow. When you bury your father, you also will bury a large part of your own past with him, along with your dreams of what might have been ~ and that is a significant loss.

I hope that you and your brother can take great comfort in knowing that you did everything you could to make your dad's final days as easy for him as possible. Your father was blessed to have you and your brother as his children.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad and difficult time.

[AnnieO]

Thank you Marty, you are so right. I have lost a huge part of my past, and my family. A few days ago as I sat with my dad and knew he did not have much time left, I felt so much of my anger and confusion towards my dad, just leave. That left more room in my heart for forgiveness and happier memories.

As I held his hand last night, I told him I loved him and forgave him and that everything was okay with us. I told him I was proud to be his daughter and that my mom would be waiting for him. I pray he heard me.

Thank you Teny. I do have a family and they are all helping me get thru today.

[Maylissa]

Annie,

Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your father. You were a good, good daughter, and continued to be as you opened your heart to him and your past in his final moments here. I know of what you speak because my mother's and my relationship was strained, too, and yet I experienced the same kind of thing when she passed (though I wasn't able to be there). I hope this will aid you as much as it eventually did me, in your healing.

You're in my thoughts and prayers,

Maylissa

[Deonna]

AnnieO:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you & your family in prayers. God Bless you. Deonna

[shell]

Annie,

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you.

Hugs,

Shell

[waabzy]

Annie I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. You were here for me when I lost my beloved Nvwati. If I can be of help in any way I sent you my email address. Know you are not alone.

[AnnieO]

Yesterday was so hard. My brother left to go home to his family.When we hugged good-bye, we hung onto eachother for dear life. It was the first time I had been alone since my dad died. It was a long, sad day. The "fog and numbness" don't seem as intense as when my mom died (10 months ago) but I also think I am not letting myself feel anything because I know what's ahead.

I know I can't put grieving/sadness off forever but I am just so afraid of what is going to happen. Thanks for being here.

[lorikelly]

Annie

My thoughts and prayers are with you. lori

[Trudy1964]

Annie,

Please know that my throughts and prayers are with you. He and your Mom are painfree now. They are living so peacefully together in heaven. I hope these thoughts can help you to find some comfort in the days ahead.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[DawnG]

Hi Annie, my thoughts are with you as well. I know this must be a very difficult time for you.

Dawn

[rosanne]

Dear Annie,

I am so sorry for your loss. Know that we are here for you as you have been here for so many of us. My father too, is going down very fast- after we lost mom... There is just no understanding only to try your best to accept it and trust.

[shell]

Annie,

I so relate to what you said. When my mom died (in June) I didn't feel quite as numb, like you said. I had already gone through the grief with my dad and knew what to expect, and like you, I think I am fighting it off because I'm afraid. I think it's just starting to catch up with me though. I've been more depressed this last couple of weeks and just feel that horrible sense of total loss. But, since we know what to expect, maybe we can "handle" it better this time, I don't know. Good luck.

Big hugs,

Shell

[AnnieO]

Shell,

I know what you are saying. I feel such total loss too and feel like a boiling pot that I am trying to keep the lid on. I am afraid to let myself feel...I am afraid I will fall apart and won't be able to pick up the pcs.

Rosanne, I am so sorry about your dad. Do you feel he just wants to be with your mom again and has lost his will to live? I will keep you in my prayers.

Maylissa,

Yes, opening my heart in those last few hours with my dad is one thing that brings me comfort.

[Maylissa]

Annie,

Well, I think I did "keep the lid on" my feelings of devastation for a bit too long this past year...and now I'm paying for that 'foolishness', as necessary as it may have been (can't really judge that yet). I kept myself too focused on my future life, too busy trying to slowly start setting that up, and now, 14 months after the fact, I am falling apart and don't know if I can "pick up the pieces" of what's left.....doesn't feel like much is left. I almost feel like I 'missed out' on my own grieving, if that makes any sense. I know I did miss out on my own STYLE of grieving and probably shouldn't have pushed myself to 'do it better' this time. And yet, we feel what we feel, or DON'T feel, at any given point, so who knows what's good/better/best?

[Corinne]

Shell, AnnieO, & Maylissa,

Please do not keep the lid on your grieving. I know from experience, eventually the lid comes off and the pain is still there just a strong as before and that keeps you from living a full life. I kept the lid on for 10 years. Talk about a boil over when the lid came off. I know it is scary and hard but you are all strong women and you can do it! Sometimes you need to lift the lid slowly and just release the grief a little at a time, but you can all do it. We can all do it together!

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[shell]

Corinne,

You're so right. I have let the lid off at times, but I guess I'm hitting that four to six month mark. It seems to be when it starts to hit the hardest for a lot of people. I just seem to be more depressed now than I was two months ago and my brother said he felt that way too. I feel like I need a good, long cry! I've cried so much in the past two and a half years I feel like I'm all dried out now. And it feels worse not to cry. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

Hugs,

Shell

[rosanne]

Shell,

I know what you mean. I think a lot of it has to do with the holidays coming up and the weather changing- it just lets you know that life goes on, no matter what we are going through. Like everyone around you is happy and making plans for week-ends and holidays- and you feel like an alien.

I have been more depressed lately, too. I think about mom all of the time.... my first thought of the day and last of the day. I miss her so much. I actually laughed about something yesterday, and it seemed so foreign to do that, it kind of scared me, am I making any sense?

Dad is feeling a little better, I was terrified that he was going to die on me, I just don't think I can take that.. not now. I am not alright, I don't know if I will ever be alright. I don't want to go to church, I don't want to be around people, the only thing I do is go to work, and that is because I have to. When will I ever be me again, or is that person buried.

Rosanne

[lorikelly]

Rosanne

I felt just like you and somedays still do. i felt like i was just here not living. somedays i still feel that way. i wonder alot about what is the my purpose in life. i have 2 boys and my wonderful husband but i still find i ask this question alot. i try to enjoy everyday but somedays i just push myself on and hope the next day will be better. i try not to relive the last months of my moms life b/c when i do i am a mess. i miss her so. it is hard for me to still talk about her and not feel that awful ache in my heart. i have come to realize that this will never totally go away, it will only soften. i just keep moving on hoping that each day will bring a little more sunshine into the picture. love lori

[shell]

Rosanne, Lori,

I had to laugh when you said you felt like an alien! That is so true. There's a song I listen to that has the line "I'm not real anymore, I am just an illusion". That's the way I feel sometimes. And I feel like I just don't know where I'm going. I feel so lost. Thank God for my babies (my cats, for people who don't know me). They are the only thing that keeps me going and somewhat "grounded". They are my purpose in life.

I can also relate to feeling weird when I feel happy. It's like I'm almost afraid to feel happy, like it will surely bring disaster. I'm trying so hard to shake that "superstitious" feeling! I,too, don't really want to be around people. It's just too draining. I guess we all feel pretty much the same, which is good only in the sense that we know we are not all nuts! haha. I think it does change you forever, though, and that none of us will ever be quite the "old us". But maybe we'll eventually grow into the "new us" and actually be better for all of this...I sure hope so!

Hugs,

Shell

Edited October 15, 2007 by shell

[rosanne]

Seriously thinking about once everything is over with my dad, and I do wish for many many years with him... but, when everything is over.. I want to move I want to get away from this little town and start over where noone knows me, about me, where I am a stranger and start over, does this sound crazy??? Is it wishful thinking that I could start over or am I running??

[shell]

Rosanne,

It doesn't sound crazy at all. And I don't think you're running away. The grief will follow you no matter where you go, but I know exactly how you feel. And I also think that for some people being around constant familiar reminders is not a good thing, that for some getting a fresh start is more helpful. I've had the same thought sometimes, the longing to have nobody know anything about me! To be a new me, allowed to expose only as much of my life as I want to. So, no, you're not crazy and it may be what you need to do.

Hugs,

Shell