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Mending A Broken Heart


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My friends

I received this today from dailyom.com which I subscribe to for a daily message. My seventh month I had Tuesday creeped up on me tonight like a monster in the dark. This gave me just a little bit of hope that one day the load will get a little bit lighter.

October 4, 2007

Stronger For It

Mending A Broken Heart

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.

-- Reprinted with permission from DailyOM- Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com.

Love

Suzanne

PS - William, did you take your meds today?

Edited by MartyT
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Suzanne,

Thank you so much for sharing that article. It does offer hope!

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

William,

You better make sure you take your meds before Wendy gets home and checks in on you! ;)

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

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Suzanne,

Thanks, it adds creditability to a lot of past posts. One of the books I have been reading says the same thing in order to heal we need to look back on our past, remember our loved ones and allow ourselves to feel. I for one pushed a lot of it back. Now I am finding myself tear up very easily. Today I was going through my computer and found some pictures from the Disney trip. There weren't any in there of Karen but I saw some before we left town pictures and then some at Disney after she had died. It brought up a lot of memories and I found my self getting choked up. It also seems wierd, links just mysterally appear.

William, I hope you have taken your meds.

Love always

Derek

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Dear Ones,

It also seems wierd, links just mysterally appear.

There is no mystery here. When I see the need for a hyperlink to be inserted into a member's post, I just go ahead and do it as a courtesy ~ and for the convenience of all the others who will be reading these posts. As you may know, I review every single post that appears on our site ~ it's part of my responsibility as moderator. :wub:

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I'm so glad I stopped by here tonight. Thank you for posting this suzanne.

Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further.

I recognize in the above description exactly what's been happening to me for the last year or so. Now I understand that I've been existing in a state of denial because facing reality is just too painful. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next year, I'll find the strength to get to work on me instead of trying to solve everyone else's problems. Right now it's simply too painful! I'm not willing to risk falling apart completely and losing what little control of my life that I have managed to muster up.

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Suzanne,

Thanks for sharing that.

I finished a book recently, "Broken Open" by Elizabeth Lesser, which was not half bad, and makes some of the same points. Suffering is part of life, and is an opportunity (even if unwelcome, unasked for and unwanted) for growth. But you have to cooperate with the process and let it be your teacher.

I don't know that I entirely buy Lesser's mystical bent, nor am I comfortable with the idea that growth isn't entirely possible by far gentler means ... but, since we find ourselves in this position, might as well make the best of it ...

--Bob

Stronger For It

Mending A Broken Heart

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I did not see a place or protocol for introductions, so just waded in.

My Linda died after a long and difficult illness on Aug 1. She was 54. She had Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) for 31 years, and developed severe chemical sensitivity / environmental illness in her last 7 years. The last 2 years she was what is known as a "universal reactor". It's not a nice way to go. You basically drown in the every day environment as your enzyme systems and detox pathways fall apart and your blood-brain barrier quits working correctly. Perfume, paint, auto exhaust, mold, and those sorts of things that you and I don't even notice, are life and death matters. There is basically no treatment other than avoidance, which only takes you so far.

Linda was a systems analyst before she was disabled, and she was a real animal lover. She raised / trained several champion Sheltland Sheepdogs (Shelties), and founded the North American Shetland Sheep Association. To give you an idea of her intelligence and drive, she aced both high school and college with a perfect 4.0 GPA, and she did her computer science degree in 3 years (back in the 70's when it was more of a math degree than anything else).

I'm 50, and am an independent consultant / software developer and work from home. I have a little African Grey parrot, 7 years old, named SmallTalk, who is sitting on my knee as we speak. My kids are out of the nest; my son, 21, is a tech support person at Verizon in Chandler, AZ, my daughter, 27, is a nurse in Chicago. I have two grandsons by her.

Linda's family pretty much considers me their adopted son and are great support but they are in Michigan. My son means well but is sort of a zero when it comes to being supportive. So I am left locally pretty much with casual friends and business associates / colleagues which is okay as far as it goes but I thought being part of a group like this might be theraputic.

That's about it!

Thanks for the welcome, Wendy.

--Bob

Hold on there, how many of you are from Phoenix Arizona ? I wish that many people were from Jersey ! Welcome Bob, did you introduce yourself or did I miss it? I am sorry if I don't know you.

Love,

Wendy

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Hi Bob,

My name is Karen and from the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Your wife, and you, of course, certainly went through a lot of misery. You must have been a wonderful support for her. I have a friend who is about 57 now undergoing an operation on her liver. Her immune system is breaking down, she is in constant pain from everything from fibromyalgia to peripheral neuropathy and allergic to heavy metals with a titanac "thing" in her back. Of course, we all try to support her as much as possible, but as you know, we can only do so much. I'm glad you have good friends around you, that's so important. My husband died just over two years ago, and as you know, we just keep plugging along in this new life. We hunted, fished, had some property on the ocean out here and just loved our retired life, for as long as it lasted. I have a small home business, my garden, my great companion, Sadie Mae, and a home I built about 15 years ago, so there's a lot of things to do. I didn't see any protocol here and just "waded in" several months ago. I'm really pleased because sometimes you just need to vent and I don't like to burden those round me. Welcome, and hope to hear from you again.

Your friend, Karen ;)

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Hi Karen,

Thanks for welcoming me.

What do you mean by "titanic thing in her back"? Do you mean that your friend has a titanium fixture of some kind? There are some horror stories out there about such devices. For example they make a device that fixes a heard defect and it's made out of a nickel alloy. Yes, the same thing that they use on the back of cheap watches, that gives most people skin irritation over time. We knew (through one of Linda's doctors) of a guy who got that implant. Guess what happened to the guy's heart. He's lucky to be alive. Or maybe not, depending on your point of view. It surely messed him up.

Medicine can be wonderful at times, but it can be Stoopid, too ...

--Bob

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I apoligize, I haven't welcomed to this site as well. This site has proved to be a very good support system for me. We have anything from serious discussions, having fun and making sure certain people take their medications on a daily basis. (You know who you are, have you taken then today?) there are no protocols, just jump in when you want to. I have learned you can talk about anything that is on your mind and people will be here to help. My mom has an African Grey, I think they are the neatest and smartest birds. They actually had to put a pad lock on his cage because eveything else they tried he would figure out how to undo it so he could get out. I was up there for a little over a week a couple of years ago and when I left my mom said he sulked in the cage for several days. They are just like a child. Anyway, welcome to this site and hope to heat more from you as you travel this raod.

Love always

Derek

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Well, it was abut a year and a half ago she had a back operation and I believe they fused an area of her spine with a titanium rod of some kind. She finds shes allergic to heavy metals, including that and the metals that are in our drinking water. It gets confusing with her because so much continues to happen and, I guess, they're trying to figure her out. We just have to be so pro-active about our health. It seems like so many things aren't good for us. I think I'd like to just go to the mountains and live off the land, animals, and fish. Right?

Karen ;)

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Bob

So sorry for the loss of your dear wife, Linda. It is so painful to watch the love of your life suffer as you stand helplessly by. I'm glad you found this place. I accidently stumbled upon it after the death of my husband in March or perhaps it was divine intervention. Anyway, I was at the point of going under and the caring and compassion of each person here has helped me along the way. People that haven't been down this road just don't understand and that was all I was surrounded by. Still have my breakdowns as we all do. It's not easy in this unwanted world of "the one that was left behind". Glad to hear you do have some family support.

Suzanne

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A friend and I were talking the other day about things like that, he and I both suffer from heartburn and are on Previcid on a permanent basis. If I don't take it on a regular basis even water will give me heartburn. Anyway we were talking about how our grandparents would eat a lot of fried food and other things like that and they never suffered from the problems we are suffering from today. A lot of it is all of the additives they put in foods today that is causing our health problems. For example, with all of the anti-bacterial soaps kids immune systems aren't developing as well as ours used to. Now days I don't know if I would even trust the fish in the streams.

Love always

Derek

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Yes, Derek, they say that Greys are emotionally, about equivalent to 2 year old humans, and intellectually, to a 5 year old, once they reach maturity at about 12 years old. And the best part for me is they live to be 50 to 75 years old. Thus reducing the probability of another loss. There is a guy in the local support group here who just lost his wife and his dog is quite old. I don't envy him. He doesn't need that right now.

--Bob

Karen:

Yes long-standing chronic illness can get to be a real mess. When you think about it, it's hard even for a reasonably well person to be sure how a single drug or treatment or food impacts them. Am I feeling "off" today because of taking X, or because I didn't sleep quite as sound last night? Or is sleeping light caused by X? Or is it just one of those random things? Or is it that burrito I indulged in at lunch? Or the fact I'm upset with so-and-so for such-and-such?

Add to that, a whole pharmacopea of drugs and supplements, and a big pile of inter-related physical problems, perhaps the reactive depression from same, and the latest treatment the doctor is trying out is *mighty* hard to evaluate.

As for living off the land -- sounds good until you realize that almost no place on earth is untouched by chemicals anymore!

--Bob

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Yes, Bob....Living off the land is just a pipe dream. I tend to want to be by myself and just enjoy my little acre and my country home with my beams and wood ceilings - kind of modified chalet style with my office in a loft area. I do love it. I am a very lucky person with only the things that us older citizens have, minor things. However, my husband had two heart bypasses, insulin diabetes and everything that went with it including 24-hour pain. It was such a shock when he died behind the wheel of his truck, suddenly, but I sure know he was ready to be away from all the illness and I do thank God, now, that he's at peace. Like I say, we do need to be proactive about our health, try to eat right, exercise and, above all, have good thoughts in our minds.

Karen ;)

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Hi Bob,

I too am sorry for your loss. Being part of a group like this is very theraputic. You can say all the feelings you are having without worrying about if you are going to upset your family more or if who you are saying it to is going to think you're crazy and should "be over it by now." In saying that welcome and please keep coming back and posting it really does help.

I know that you are down on God right now I was the same way for 10 years after my Jimmy died,but I am just finding Him again since John has died also and I sign all my posts Hugs & prayers, so please do not take offense.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

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I am sorry, Bob, for what you've been through, you and your wife both. I am kind of at that place in life too, I just turned 55 and both kids are grown. Is Linda's condition kind of like an autoimmune condition? It has to be a very hard thing to live with, and a very difficult way to go.

I have found pets to be great companions...right now I have a cat and 2 dogs (one is mine, one I am taking care of for my son for 3 months while he is working in upstate New York). It definitely beats going home to an empty house!

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