Lost My Mom

[nanandrews55]

I lost my Mom, March 27, 2004 on a Saturday @10:45 pm. She had Alzheimer's, she was 86, I am 56. It doesn't matter how old she was, I was not ready to let her go. Don't get me wrong I didn't want her to suffer anymore, she had become the child, I was the parent, we were real close. The last two years of her life she didn't know who I was. I was the lady who went to see her everyday. The last year she quit talking, but she would still smile and giggle alot. Then she quit opening her eyes, the last two months she didn't get out of bed anymore. I was there holding her hand, stroking her hair and telling her how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss her. I have four siblings, one hadn't seen Mom in three years, the others saw her on her birthday only. We all live in the same city. Sad isn't it?

When President Reagan, died it brought it all back to me. Since then I have been depressed, lonely, crying at the drop of a hat. My marriage is suffering. My husband told me " It's over, you can't do any thing about it, get on with your life." He doesn't understand how much I miss her.

I feel like I have lost everything. She was in a nursing home for three years, and the residents and staff had become my family. I lost my beloved Mother, and them. I don't want to do anything. I get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed and then I shut the front door and stay home and do nothing. Is this normal? Will it get better and how long before I feel like living again?

[lost32yearold]

I'm sorry that you lost your mom. You are right it doesn't matter how old she is or you are, it's hard to let go of our parents. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a parent with Alzheimer's disease. My mom passed away on 2 Feb 04 after recovering from an aneurysm. I can tell you that I have experienced a wide range of emotions from anger, depression, guilt, and anxiety. The thing that bothers me the most, is that I feel like I'm lost. My mom was like a guiding force in my life and now she's gone. I've somehow managed to get on with my life although I'm not up to par. I often feel like I should just stay in bed and never leave. But I know that I can't do that, we all have to carry on because if we don't what else is there? You know in many ways you have had to slowly let go of your mom as her Alzheimer's progressed, but you probably kept an optimism about you because of your love for her. Also, a large part of your life was being there for her, visiting her, making sure that she is well cared for, but now you have a large whole in your life that can't be easily filled. I can't say that the grieving gets better, it just becomes more bearable. I wish you the best and tell your husband there is no right or definitive way to grieve. I think that men deal with death in different ways that women, you know they have to keep a stiff upper lip.

[nanandrews55]

It helps to know there are people out there that understand how I am feeling. I know now that what I feel is normal and that it's part of the grieving process. My Mom lost her mother very young, so she raised her four brothers and two sisters. Mother always talked about her mother with so much love and respect, I didn't understand that kind of love until now. Mother was my hero. It seems that now that she is gone, my love for her is greater and I understand what she felt when she talked about her mother.