I Hate This Life

[dpodesta]

I agree with you Bob, except that religion (or at least the one I am a part of) doesn't teach us that if we think good thoughts then good things will happen to us. Even the Bible says it rains on the just and the unjust. Like you, Karen and I would have never imagined that this would have happened at least not so soon in our lives. We lived a relatively good life trying to make the best of what was given us. Like you said, it is not what has happened to us it is how we choose to deal with it. We are responsible for oyr actions and I can choose to live and try and be happy, or I can choose to wallow in self pity whith doesn't help me or anyone else. I choose to live and try and make the best of what has happened to me.

Love always

Derek

[AnnetteAZ]

Interestingly, new studies just released indicate that attitude makes no difference in the survival rates of cancer sufferers. The "I can beat this with a positive attitude" patients died at the same rate as those who didn't even want to try. And I myself have visualized (with great fervor) the growth of something deadly in me alot the last 17 months...and to my extreme annoyance find myself in amazingly good health. We want to believe that we have more control over all the unseen things that go on in our body, but we are a far more complicated organism than that. Some things happen in our bodies that have more to do with chemical reactions that we simply cannot control with thought. Those reactions take place without involving the brain at all.

Having a good positive attitude helps those around you (who wants to be around someone who just won't try to be happy), so I suppose that's why we should at least make some small effort. The hard part is getting to the place where we have the strength to make that small effort. I wish I could say I was there but I'm still not. And it does drive people away.

[karenb]

Annette,

I guess I don't really understand your visualization of something deadly growing in you. That has had to be a tremendously uncomfortable thing to be going through.

All I can speak for is myself. My husband has been gone 26 months now. I have gone through many of the emotions, actions, and feelings of everyone else here. Six months ago I really started coming back. I prayed for strength to do what it was I felt I needed to, and the biggest thing I did was to choose for my new life to bring comfort and, hopefully down the line, a degree of happiness and to live the kind of life my husband would be proud of. I am happy for the good feelings I get when I do something good for someone else, the ability to "listen" quickly and "speak" slowly, and to live with all the integrity in me. It takes effort, a lot of effort but there's wonderful people to look to and care about. I pray those things for everyone here....it's so needed.

Your friend, Karen

[DesertBob]

Annette,

Despite my anti-LOA screed above, the results of the study you cite surprise me, just on the basis that stress and depression tend to suppress the immune system and can produce death from suicide if nothing else. I would be interested to see how that study was structured. There are a lot of less-than-valid studies out there, and even more invalid or unwarranted conclusions drawn from valid studies (most commonly, confusing association with cause). I'm with you that people tend to over-estimate the value of positiveness, but I very much doubt it's THAT irrelevant.

I am truly sorry that you want to die so badly. I sure have known the feeling. It doesn't surprise me that willing death on yourself produces no more reliable results than willing / praying / whatever, health on yourself or on someone else. In my experience the outcomes are so close to random as to be wholly discountable, at least for really big / important / difficult things. My theory is the smaller stuff seems to yield sometimes because it's small and simple and apt to resolve itself anyway.

I also understand your comment about people wanting to have sunshine blown up their touches all the time. It's understandable; they've got their own problems to deal with, whether or not they want to admit it. And, they do not want to be reminded, either of their own mortality, or of the thin veneer of health / wealth / civilization that holds their own life together. A person who has experienced tragedy and is grieving is a walking billboard that says to them, "you could be next".

It is a hard problem though: those of us who are sad / mad need to work it out, and those who aren't, can't stand the process we're going through.

That's why groups like this exist; we can lance open our boils in front of each other and maybe get someplace in the grieving process. You can speak of your deep desire to be done with life, and no one will tell you you ought not to talk like that; I can talk about my crisis of faith and no one accuses me of blasphemy. I'm glad you're here and hope you come into a better place really soon.

--Bob

[karenb]

Thanks for the explanation....I really didn't see it. For that feeling you have, Annette, I'm truly sorry. I honestly hope you find a way for some peace, I know you need it badly.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

I agree Derek, also what about the laws of sowing & reaping? More than often, the good people, whom done nothing atrocious or blasphemous die a painful death, or live a painful life leading to death in my case Myrna having cervical cancer killing her within a month. She had a great attitude, and I thought the same, if we all THINK positive it may kill the evil of disease. However, being a survivor of many physical ailments, I do believe also stress does cause some illnesses in the long term; as alcohol abuse withing time causes liver failure, same with stress.

[Corinne]

Hi William,

I definitely agree that stress causes health problems, that is why I need to lower my stress level, somehow, someway. Did you take your meds today?

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[suzanne]

Annette

I understand completely about having the positive attitude that you just can't seem to muster. I thought I was there but I fell totally backwards. Next week will be nine months on the 2nd. I have come to the point of the last resort to maybe find some peace, may be a mistake but it won't be the first I have made. I have an appointment with a medium for a channeling session. I've read this can help to reconcile yourself to this new, unwanted life we are forced into. I feel like I have to give it a try. I've tried every other avenue possible and I feel as though I am stuck in a time warp. Somewhere between the living and the dead, the married and the single. I must move out of this. Sorry if anyone is offended by my choice to go the medium route and the fact that I just can't be an uplifting person right now. I have prayed and for me I feel like this is what I need to do. I try not to say much anymore as it seems like most are doing better and I don't want to bring anyone down. As Bob stated, this boil has got to be lanced and this is my way to try to lance it. My prayers daily are with each of us to find our way. I know each of us has a heartache be it two or four legged (Maylissa for you especially). Thank you for listening.

Suzanne

[dpodesta]

Suzanne,

I don't think that anyone would be offended by your choice, what you do is up to you. I myself question your descision. Through the years I have come to believe that mediums and such are not of God. I believe their so called powers come from elsewhere. I hope that this hasn't offended anyone, but I had to put my opinion out there. I hope the best for you.

Love always

Derek

[Corinne]

Suzanne,

I am not offended by your choice, you need to do what you need to do to get through this. Just know that I am praying for you.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[karenb]

Suzanne,

After the man I was going to marry many years ago died, long before my Jack, I did that with a medium. She did "writing" and answered enough questions that satisfied me then. I don't know about those things anymore. I now rely on myself and the God I've come to know to help me along the way. Sometimes we have to try whatever we think we need to when we're looking for peace. Suzanne, you are a lovely person and you'll find yourself soon. Care about yourself.

Your friend, Karen

[suzanne]

Derek

I question myself as well. But what I have read God doesn't mind nor the souls. Even Marty has suggested cetain mediums for communications. They talk as though God has allowed this communication. May God have mercy on me if I have made a terrible mistake.

Suzanne

[dpodesta]

Suzanne,

If it is a mistake, ask for forgivness and He will grant it for you. Please keep us informed on your progress.

Karen,

I knew I would find someone again who had lost someone they were going to get married to but didn't before death. There is someone on this board named Lyn who was going to meet her love, however he died before they could meet and she has been having trouble knowing where she belongs on these boards. I told her that she is welcome here anytime and that there were people here that have experienced that.

Lyn,

I hope you don't mind but I had to share part of your story so you would have some peole to talk to who have been through what you have been through. I hope this hasn't been a breach of cofidentiality.

Love

Derek

[WendyJ]

Suzanne I wish I could go with you ! That has been a thought in my mind too and even prior to Steve's passing it has always interested me ! WHere are you going to see this Medium if you don't mind me asking? Please do not not post for the reasons you mentioned, please ! I love hearing from you and I am still miserable myself, but sometimes I have to try to come out of my shell alittle and do alittle up lifting joking as that was how Steve and I were. We were always joking with eachother and always had little funny things to say and when I can joke around alittle with my friends here it helps me and it is nice to smile alittle and laugh alittle. Believe me I still cry daily and I am still so so lost without him, that I wish I could just die at times to be with him. But you see you are not going to help yourself unless you get some of it out and believe me you have helped me many times in what you have posted as your feelings are so close to mine.

Love,

Wendy

[karenb]

Lyn and Derek,

That person I was with for about five years. We worked together, he was a "tree" guy in the construction industry and was topping a tree and fell onto his chain saw from about 75 feet and lived. I visited him in the hospital for a long time, visited him at home, weeded his garden, went on "high" mountain trips, traveled parts of our country in the west here, and he went over a bridge in his truck into a river and died. No one could understand how this over 6 foot person and me (I'm 5') with such different backgrounds could be together. He always said if I ever gave him any trouble, he'd just put this little leprochaun (sp?) in his pocket and that would be it. We have so many good souls in our lives, we are so lucky. My husband, Jack, was the best soul of all and I pray for it every morning.

Your friend, Karen

[suzanne]

Wendy

I am not going anywhere being it is over the phone. I will let everyone know how it goes and if it is real. If not, I have wasted a lot of money. But how do you put a price on something like that if it is real and can bring you to a point you can live again? I have to try. As I stated before it is my last resort.

Suzaanne

[WendyJ]

Suzanne I am very interested in knowing how well it works, how did you hear of this person? Someone told me of a medium that you also speak to over the phone that can communicate with your pets and help you to solve any problems with them and that this person is amazing. I find this fascinating and I admire you for doing this, please let me know how it goes even if you want to email me privately, my fingers are crossed for you my friend!

Love,

Wendy

OMG we are all here at once !!! What I meant is I looked down and all of our names were there at the bottom but you guys keep popping in and out...I feel like we are playing hide and seek !!!

Wendy

[Stallyn]

Corinne, I did take them today,

Suzanne, I had an experience with ouija boards and spirits in the past, reason I am saying this is of concern, I hope this does not offend you in any way, but to mention this, I did automatic writing and used a ouija board as a teenager, in saying, my girlfriend at the time was friends with a gal interested in the occult, one nite when I was sleeping a female voice shouted my name, I was alone and pitch dark in my apartment; no one there, next day I asked her the specific time of night she was asking the spirit what I was doing and she gave me details like she was there herself. Anyways out of friendship I share this with you.

William

[Corinne]

Yes Wendy it is pretty funny and rare that we are all on at the same time. Hide and seek , I haven't played that in years although my girls love to. Could you see us all playing hide and seek in Karen's yard? Which one of us would end up rolling down the hill into the stream?

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[WendyJ]

William as silly as people think those things are I believe they are not to be messed with. We did use one of those as teenagers too and when my girlfriend asked if there is anyone in the room give us a sign ( her house was indeed haunted) my hair fell off my shoulders into the flame of the candle and caught on fire. You never saw two girls blow out a candle throw a Quija board out the window and get under the covers quicker in your life ! Never again, but that is so different I believe in what Suzanne is doing and I wish I could do the same.

Love,

Wendy

[dpodesta]

It is funny to all be here at the same time.

[WendyJ]

Oh Corinne that is hysterical ! Well we can do it here in the woods in the back but I can't guarantee you won't have a bear hiding with you! Or a bobcat or a fox or.....who knows ! LOL

Love,

Wendy

Now where did William go?

[Corinne]

Well everyone, as much as I am enjoying this I have to go because it is now 10:30 and I have 2 little girls who will not go to sleep. I was trying to get the little one to go to sleep without me. What was I thinking? It should be a fun morning (NOT). Love you all!

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[dpodesta]

He he,

I don't have to go to work tomorrow nah nah nah naaah nah.

Love Derek

[WendyJ]

Me too Corinne, as you know it is 10:30 for me too....hehehe not like it says 7:30. I have to go take my meds and get ready for bed so I can make Derek proud of me. Nite Nite everyone, tomorrow is Friday, hope to see you tomorrow nite for awhile !

Love,

wendy

Hey not fair ! How come you don't have to go to work???