I Hate This Life

[karenb]

Such sweet people! My yard is open and mowed just before the rain the other day. Sadie Mae would have to have a chase, though! Bless you guys and have a peaceful night. For some reason Sadie is "spooked" tonight. She sometimes gets that way...I have no idea why.

Your friend Karen

[dpodesta]

Wow Wendy I am impressed I have been sitting here wtching the clock so that I could remind you about your meds. Very good I am proud of you.

Have a good night.

Love always

Derek

[WendyJ]

Karen ask your vet about giving her Melatonin, I swear by it with my dogs. I have 6 little Japanese Chin, all sitting at my feet right now. As I move from room to room I have a train of six little bodies that follow me. They are so sweet, don't pets just help so much in the grieving process? When I start to cry they fight to get past eachother to see who can start licking my face first. Every nite since Steve passed they completely surround me when I go to bed at night, from head to toe ! They are amazing and I love them so much and do not think I could have gone through this without them. They say Japanese Chins are the breed that are most intuned to humans feelings and believe me they are right !

Love,

Wendy

P.S. Derek thanks for the smile you just gave me...I love you !

[Stallyn]

Wendy,

what disturbs me is they call it a "game" like you say its destructive and I read cases of homes being haunted afterwards, many times its crossed my mind to write automatically and contact my wife, but it opens doors never to be opened to dangerous entities. Hide and seek ooh fun!! wouldn't it be nice to be a child for a day?? Its almost eight here and yet too cook, most of you are on the east coast area right?? We don't change clocks here, quite confusing

[dpodesta]

I am in the central time zone, it is 10:00 here

Wendy, I am glad that I was ale to put a smile on your face. Have a good night.

Love derek

[karenb]

Wendy...I'm so much of being a proud pet owner.....you would not believe. When I say, potty time, she goes to the back door, points out my coat and boots and goes potty on command. When I say it's potty patrol time, she comes and points out where I need to shovel. When I say it's laundry time, she points to the laundry basket and back door. When I say it's garbage time she goes to under the sink and and back door where we have the garbage. Where would I be wihtout her? We do love out pets, don't we? I can just see them licking their way into our hearts.

Your friend, Karen

[lyn]

I did not mean to offend anyone here, and if i did, i am sorry. It is hard for me to make that affirmation of not allowing suffering to defeat me, but everyday i am trying. It is the only way to keep my sanity..it is the only way for me not to give up.

I dont believe in LOA too, but by trying to think positively, it has helped me a lot in dealing with my pain. Like most of us here, my faith had been shaken drastically when the person i love so much died. I questioned God, i blamed Him, and it was so hard for me to pray on those days. Until now, i still couldnt understand why bad things happen to good people. I know myself, i know i lived a good life, i am not perfect, but i try to live a good life, yet what happened to me is beyond my understanding. I have seen so much ugliness in this world, i have seen so much violence yet i dont understand why the good people die young. And most of the time, i couldnt help saying, why not them? why did u choose to take the one person i love most, when there are so many murderers, killers in this world.

For the past four months, i was groping in the dark, i questioned my belief, however it is also my faith with God that helped me through those months. I wake up each day, i go on with my task each day, but couldnt find meaning in what i am doing. Last month, i went to another country hoping it will help me heal, i thought the change of environment will heal me..but everything feels so empty.

I realized that no one can help me but myself. I had to admit to myself that this is what life is...life has its share of sorrows and joys. It is how we deal with it that matters. I have never accepted his death yet. I acknowledged all these feelings i have gone through -- shock, denial, disbelief, numbness, anger and bargaining...i am at the point right now, where i will trade everything i have, all the years i have in my future just to spend one day with him. it is so hard, it is still very painful, but i have to assure myself that in the end everything will be ok. As Derek told me, in our suffering, we only see part of it, but God sees the whole picture. I may never understand the reasons for my sufferings, yet i have chosen to turn this experience into something that will help me, and in a way will help others too. i have chosen to start living my life again no matter how hard it is.

Edited October 28, 2007 by lyn

[karenb]

Lyn,

God is so grateful for you! He's watching and walking with you all the time. I pray for you and your words are wonderful....such a feeling person you are. We're all searching all the time, with death in our lives and without death, we all are searching. Bless you, honey, you are such a good person. Please take care.

Your friend, Karen

[lyn]

Thank u Karen, and i feel that i have an angel all the time to push me up. He is my angel and I can feel that he is smiling up there now, he can see me, and he always watches over me.

I will live by his example. He had a beautiful heart, had touched and inspired so many lives...

God bless u too Karen, u have always been an inspiration to us here.

[karenb]

It brings glad tears to my eyes...Lyn, and all of you.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Lyn,

you share alot of issues that I contend with. I posted many times about the injustice of life, the good dying young as the evil prosper, society today has alot to be desired, and justice does not work in our favor, when my wife passed I became angry and bitter at everyone around me, and fighting with the cold hearted people in this world makes me follow them when it should be me being an example, God holds us accountable in this life and never leaves us, a calm still voice, a guilty conscience about some conflict with a stranger, thats from God is it not? I do not think for a minute they feel the same, our suffering, our loss, makes us strangers to ourselves, you said they are the angels watching us, to be reminded of that time to time reminds me of my place in this world as all of us have a place, time, moment to share. I don't understand why we suffer either, it may be something the next life will have answers to.

[kayc]

Wow, I do think this has got to be the best collective group of people I've ever met right here. You are all so thoughtful in your sharing. I agree wholeheartedly with what Bob said, yet I also applaud Lyn's positive attitude and pray she is rewarded for it in her life. I personally believe that positive attitude makes all the difference in the world, not in "good things coming our way" but in our own ability to cope in life. Derek is right, it rains on the just and the unjust, I've quoted that myself many times. I totally don't believe in "The Secret", I have some very strong personal feelings about it, but hey, if anyone else gleans anything good from it, more power to them! I hate to see people like that author making money off of other people by telling them what they might want to hear. We all like to feel in control of our lives, it doesn't feel good to feel powerless, yet, you know what? We all had our power stripped from us the day our spouses died...or backing up, the day they got their death sentence. Neither they nor us "earned or deserved it", life just happens. I don't try unduly to make sense of it, to make rhyme or reason out of it, but just accept that what is, is. Neither do I believe in "victim stances" as in always playing the role of victim and poor me and I can't do anything about my life. There are some things I can't change, and some things I can, and I love the Serenity Prayer that sums it up so well. I have a difficult time believing that our attitudes don't affect our physical outcomes somewhat, because my mother in law was a prime example...she literally willed herself to live, for nearly three years after she got cancer, and they thought it'd be 3 weeks to 2 months. That nearly three years meant her grandchildren got to know her and have a memory of her and otherwise, that wouldn't have been the case. Bob's wife got hit with something random that she didn't deserve or ask for and she suffered tremendously, and he along with her...all the positive thinking in the world wouldn't change that. But his wife's positive spirit made a difference to not only herself but those around her, in her life. She will always be remembered by it, he has mentioned many times how she was and portrayed her as a positive person. She fought the good fight and eventually her body succumbed to it, but her spirit...never! God bless you all and have a good day, you all deserve it! I love you!

KayC

I do feel I need to add that although our power was stripped from us when our spouses died, that needn't be the end of it...we can reclaim our power by taking back control of our lives in things like making positive choices, choosing to live, choosing to be a positive person, choosing to help others, choosing to try to live healthy both physically and spiritually. Our power can be stripped from us again and again in life, yet we can reclaim it!

[MartyT]

Suzanne, yesterday you wrote, I question myself as well. But what I have read God doesn't mind nor the souls. Even Marty has suggested cetain mediums for communications. They talk as though God has allowed this communication. May God have mercy on me if I have made a terrible mistake.

I know you're concerned about your decision, but it is your decision to make. This is your journey, and only you can know what can bring you peace and healing in your grief. I want to share with you a comforting comment by author Elizabeth Harper Neeld, who writes,

Almost everyone experiences some kind of strange phenomenon following a loss. But most people are embarrassed to talk about these unusual events for fear that others will think they are crazy. There are many theories to explain strange events that occur. Physicists talk about “implicate order” and “morphogenic fields.” Scientists talk about “laws of seriality” and “object-impact interactions.” Theologians talk about “grace” and “a higher Being.” The most useful way to hold these mysterious events early in the experience of grieving is not to try to understand them but merely to acknowledge and reflect on them. And to realize that a grieving person who sees or hears something unexplainable has not suddenly become addled or weak-minded. We don’t have to be able to explain a phenomenon in order to take comfort from it or to marvel at it. Perhaps the most important thing about experiencing such occurrences is the truth they put before us: that we do not know everything. That there are sources of comfort and of Presence that we cannot explain. That life contains mysteries, and that it is possible to be greatly enriched and even strengthened by these mysteries. That we can be blessed by moments of grace.

[source: Seven Choices: Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World, © 2003 by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD, ISBN # 044690503, pp. 41-42]

On her After-Death Communication Web site, certified grief recovery specialist Christine Duminiak has posted a video of her interview with Rabbi Marc Gellman and Monsignor Tom Hartman (better known as The God Squad), which you may find comforting as well:

http://www.christineduminiak.com/godsquad.html

[suzanne]

Marty

Thank you for the resources. I can't get the sound on my Mac at work but I do plan to view it when I get home. I have thought long and hard about my decision to seek out a medium. I feel this is not like a Ouija board (those I don't approve of and think of those as dabbling in the occult). However, I do believe communication is possible with our loved ones from the other side. I have done a lot of reading on various websites on the subject including Sandy Goodman and I think she can communicate with her son. It seems to have brought her peace. For me, if I could validate that my husband "arrived okay" and is still with me in some form I could come to terms with this and hopefully find some of that peace. I just think it is worth a try. I'm not doing this for any predictions of my future and will ask no questions in that area. That I leave to God.

Suzanne