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Just Another Lonely Friday Nite !


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Well my friends another weekend is upon us, was wondering what everyone is doing this weekend. As usual I couldn't wait till the weekend got here and as I sit here on the computer I hear nothing but the hum of the computer and a few of my dogs playing. It is only in the low 50's here in Jersey and my daughter is working till 8pm and then has a Karate meeting. It is one of those nights that Steve and I would have gotten take out food and rented a movie and lit the fireplace. Well I rented the movie 1408 by Stephen King and am trying to decide what kind of take out to get but this silence is killing me. I am all alone in this house and I don't like it one bit. Nobody to debate with on what we are having to eat, nobody to sit here with over coffee and open the mail and nobody to cuddle with and watch a good scarey movie. Is everyone else as lonely as I am? Is anyone else as starved for attention as I am? Does anyone else feel this pain is never going to go away? I know it has only been 7 months but this is not getting any better, I feel like an old widow at 49. I am tired of everyone feeling sorry for me and to tell you the truth I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and actually I am just plain tired. I don't want to be told that in time it will get better, I want Steve back...I want my old life back.....I want a future back with him....I want to look forward to the seasons and the Holidays again and without him that just is never going to happen ever again. You know I kinda knew this mood was coming tonight, I was up on the top of the roller coaster last night and I knew I had to swoop down at some point and here I am, can someone stop this ride please, I feel sick !!! :(

Love,

Wendy

:( P/S The movie stunk !!!

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Yeah, I'm sorry, Wendy. I rarely look forward to anything...it's pretty boring. It's been just over two years for me. You do get used to things as they are, but you still miss them and everything you did and had together. It's just plugging along, sometimes up (like you were last night) and then down. I'd just love Jack to take me out for a wonderful lobster dinner. I have two friends that lost their husbands and occasionally we go out for dinner, but it sure isn't the same. Well, hang in there, girl. We'll get through another weekend and plug along. It'll get better, right?

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Wendy

I am right here with you. The highlight of my evening is doing laundry and a pot pie in the oven. The silence is overwhelming. Friday night used to be our best as well and now to think I am reduced to this. I have been on the down side of this roller coaster for some weeks now. I am at seven months as well. Maybe you need to rent a funny movie. Some I could recommend that you just can't help to laugh. You may have already seen them. "Meet the Fockers" (I think this was the best), "Blades of Glory", "Relative Strangers", "Norbitt", "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" (actually someone recommended this to me and it ended up being on cable so I recorded it but soo funny). Each of these will keep you laughing from beginning to end. They were a nice release to laugh once again and just to have a few hours away from the pain.

Love

Suzanne

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Hi Wendy.

I thought I'd share a ray of hope with you.

Tonight I'm performing with a local community orchestra (on my cello) in a local concert. I'm not a soloist; just part of the cello section. My new girlfriend will be in the audience and we have some activities planned for the weekend. There are of course challenges involved in trying to love again, but it's mostly positive and grounding for me. We each have sons from our previous lives, and they seem to get along well.

The anniversary of my departed partner Kathy's death is a month away. My year has included several fits and starts with other relationships that didn't work, but this one is still going well so far (about 7 weeks in now).

Don't give up hope that you'll meet another special man, if that's what you want. Be patient with yourself too.

Take care,

Maury

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Maury: Everyone is different and I'm glad you're happy but for most of us I think it's a HUGE mistake to think that the way to fix a broken heart is to immediately seek out new relationships. I know it's going to take me a LONG time to heal that much. If I were ever open my heart in that way again, I hope that I would have sorted myself out to where I come to the relationship with something to contribute and not as a broken thing needing fixing or comfort. If you've managed that in 11 months then I tips me hat to ye, I does.

To the ladies, I have just one question. Is it really Friday? I hadn't noticed. Yes I know, just three words for that: pa the tic.

Seriously, I am addicted to a rather esoteric musical form, the theater pipe organ, and have a very good digital replica of a medium-sized Wurltizer in my living room. That is where I shall repair to this evening, with SmallTalk on my shoulder, where I will then subject her to badly played Broadway medleys.

There is a story behind this. When we were courting I had mentioned in passing my interest in this art form. On our honeymoon we were passing through some podunk town and Linda spied a sign outside a music store (you know, the kind that implied musical instruments, not CDs?) that said CONCERT TODAY. She dragged me in there (on our honeymoon?) and we sat through the concert. She then asked me when I was going to get my own instrument. I told her don't be ridiculous, it's too expensive. She smiled and dropped the subject. Or so I thought.

But she kept nudging me for years and eventually I purchased a broken down old wheezer, and then a much better one, and then a still much better one.

You want to know something? Linda detested organ music. But she knew I loved it and she loved it when I would play for her. How wonderful is that?

I didn't play all that much in the last couple of years. It's been too much of a grind. Now I have to find the music again. It's another one of those things where part of me wants to sell the blasted thing (I could use the money) but Linda always said "out of the question" when I brought it up and I know she would want me to keep it up.

Gals, I know how you feel. I paw through bins of DVDs and nothing seems to appeal. I get one home and then I don't feel like watching it alone. But where would you draw the line? I turn to an empty seat in the car to remark on something I see, only to realize she's not there. Should I quit driving?

So I keep doing these things in the belief that eventually they will start to give me pleasure again. Keep at it, and learn to be happy again somehow. Your spouses would want that.

--Bob

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Thanks to all of you my friends, I do see I am not alone here. What would we do without eachother, we certainly do understand one anothers feelings don't we? To me that is such a comfort having you all to talk to. I am just amazed how I could not wait for this week to be over and to get some rest and some things done around the house and from the minute I walked through the door I was depressed and lonely and crying. I feel really screwed up! Life is so unfair !

Love,

Wendy

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Hi Everyone,

I am right there with you my Friday night I took the girls to rent DVD's and got to sit here and watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was a cute movie but I can't tell you the last time I watched a grown up movie. Guess what tomorrow we get to watch The Wild and one of the Bratz movies. Oh well,

at least I do have the girls to enjoy.

You are right Wendy life is screwed up, but we will go on. By the way :ninja: Did you take your meds today?

Hugs and prayers,

Corinne

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Bob...

Being a bit of a "romantic" I just feel the love you two had and it's heartbreaking that it couldn't have gone on to old, old, age. You have beautiful history and wonderful memories and your music. I know you'll find something "wonderful" again...you're that kind of person. You have a wonderful mind and heart...hang in there, my friend.

Karen :wub:;)

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Yes, I am here eating a hot fudge brownie sundae. I have been on a chocolate binge since the subject came up the other night. Wish you were all here I would make sundaes for all. :wub:

Hugs and prayers,

Corinne

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I could just make it fresh for you when you got hear, but don't tell the guys because you know with Derek with his car and William with his bike, they may beat you here.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

P.S.

You will probably have to bring some dynamite along to wake me up because unfortunately I feel the crash coming on again.

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Let's see the top speed of my car is 113mph if I could keep that going without having every cop on my tail from here to there I might be able to get there by 3 or 4 in the morning. I think she would beat me there. It sounded good, I do wish we all lived closer it would be fun to just get together for the evening.

Love always

Derek

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Hmmm Derek, not sure what you drive but I think I will beat you there. I drive my black PT Cruiser convertable during the week, no real power there but I also have a 1970 442 with a 455 in it that I think would beat the pants off of anything around here, oh yes and it has a hurst shifter, the only way to go ! Catch me if you can.................... :D

Love,

Wendy

Corinne,

That sounds wonderful now add some Dunkin Donuts coffe with that and you got a deal. Gee I haven't been out that way since I was out in the show circuit with my English Angora Rabbits, I may get lost in the dark !

Love,

Wendy

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WENDY everything you wrote it could be my feelings as as well .I just feel I cant go on and then Iwake up to face another lonely day with no dreams that it willever get better.Im not even sure that my children need me.They have their familys and life to live what is the use of a crying mother? teny

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Y'all: I feel like I miss out on so much at night, you guys all have this great rapport going with each other...my dial up connection and lack of time at night means I rarely go on at night. Today I am home cooking stew...John got stuck in Portland working today...they told him just as he was getting ready to come see me. :( One of the hazards of our living situation.

Maury,

A Cello? That is absolutely my favorite! Well, that and a Sax. I could just listen to it for hours! I hope you had a good time and I'm glad you found someone you can enjoy, I hope it continues to go well. As for finding someone this soon, it's going to be different for everyone how we handle this, I'd sy you have to listen to your heart on this one...yet I know for my own situation I jumped into marriage way too soon. It's ironic though, we've been married for 9 months and still don't live together! So I still go through the lonely nights, being on my own, etc. It's okay, I always was a little backwards. :P

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Teny,

I know exactly how you mean! Wow you and I are like 2 peas in a pod. You know it seems like my daughters have been doing just fine and when I lose it it's like they look at me like what is your problem, just get on with your life now. But you know it is different losing a parent or grandparent as compared to a spouse and I realize that now. You hurt so much when you lose a loved one beacause it is so different when it is your soulmate, one you became one with, one who knew you intimately. Teny they do love you so much and just have a different way of showing it, or maybe they just don't know how to show it. You and I will get through this, we just have to stick together. I think we both would love to just be done with this pain once and for and be with them now, but you know I am a firm believer in there is a different place for people who choose to end their lives at their own hands and it is that belief that keeps me going as I would not want to do anything that would take any chance away of me seeing Steve again and you should do the same. As hard as this is and as tired as I am I want to make Steve proud of me and when my time comes and I can see him again I want to hear him say

"Babe you did good, I am proud of you." I hate my life now and I miss him more than I ever imagined but my thinking now is the quicker I get on with my life the quicker I will see him and be with him again and I might as well try to enjoy it alittle on the way as the rest of my life is going to come and go no matter what I do. Oh my gosh where is this coming from? Marty did I make some progress here, is this a sign I am healing alittle?

Love, Wendy :wub:

P.S. Teny please remember we are your friends and we Love you as we are all special friends and feeling the same emotions and the same pain as we go through this lonely journey together.

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Yes, I agree the weekends are the hard, although when I am on the down slope of the rollercoaster ride, every day is really hard. I have been on a really downer for 10 days, I started picking up a bit on Friday. My Fridays, I never go home before 8pm. Striaght from work I wander around like a lunatic in the malls, then go home watch the 9 pm movie, take medication and sleep.

Saturdays, sleep in, do some chores and out in the afternoon, preferably by myself, and on Sundays Church twice a day, sleep in the afternoon, and yes,thats it! We are starting with the Summer saeson In South Africa, and my heart just breaks when I look at the beautiful evenings and realize that this year, wWalter and I will not share the beautiful summer days and evenings. summer with teh Christmas holidays were alawys teh best time of teh year for us.

I notice most of us are on the 7 month mark and are taking a great deal of strain. Let me encourage you that God will give you a break, where you will feel better for a time, no matter how brief ,till the next cycle of grief. He knows how frail we humans are, how much we can take , and the Bible says that He will NEVER give us more than what we individually can handle, so be encouraged, and know that I pray this for each one of you who are hurting, in Jesus name.

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Wendy,

Ugh I don't checks the posts until today, Monday night, yes I feel the same sentiment, I dislike every day of the week since its the same lonliness and only sounds around here is the roof creaking and freezer clicking, my wife used to stand by the doorway leading into the living room, I still sometimes look an say I love you too baby.

How many miles are on that 455?? such a rare animal! I apprenticed on a 1966 Chevelle 4 DR powerglide that you could start it by pushing it!! Ohh the simple days of air-fuel mixture screws & stuck voltage regulators are gone, I have a 2003 toyota tacoma with gibson headers and muffler, never knew a 4 banger with so much pep, would like to see what it can do :ph34r:

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William,

Are you ready for this? 84,000 original miles ! I am the 2nd owner so I know it is accurate ! This car is known around my area as one that can not be beat , not even by Corvettes ! It has it's 2nd paint job but it is the original gold color it was out of the factory. Do you know anything about the 442's ?

Love,

Wendy

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Wendy, you got a fortune there, its a keeper, I remember the 455 was the fastest stock engine ever made, I don't remember much about the 442's the last vintage car I owned was in 97, a plymouth valiant hardtop with a slant 6, was a great car until the engine was burning oil and couldn't afford the repair. I been looking for a classic but they are expensive now..geez wonder why LOL

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Hey William, yes I know I have a keeper, have it down at our shop at work in the back of the show room along with our race and stock cars. When I take that car out it turns heads and I love to rev her up for everyone, it makes the guys drool ! LOL I just sold a couple years ago a 1980 Trans Am that I loved, it was blue with a dark blue Phoenix and I also had a 1983 Z28 that was pretty darn fast too. As you can tell I have a deep love for Hot Rods, Steve, before he retired because of his disability worked for an Auto Restoration shop here in Jersey and we used to show some of the cars. Most were antiques but some were Hot Rods. About 7 years ago we took Best In Show at the Concours De Elegance in Michigan with the Mae West Duesenberg owned by the J Mars Company. What a thrill that was, sitting in the winners circle we felt like Royalty ! Oh those were the days !!!

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Wendy, the 80's were the last era of muscle cars to speak wow, I remember the late 80's and early 90's there were literally millions of old cars still on the road here since its dry cars last forever in phoenix, I wish I had the money back when, would've love to revisit the era with a firebird! I remember all the metalheads (rockers) would drive camaro's, firebirds, and american beaters, Myrna wasn't into the thing like I was, she had a tiny toyota tercel that ran forever and used little amounts of gas, she loved it and I did too but I had to sell it 6 months ago since 2 cars were too much for me, was almost paid off in a month. she didn't live to enjoy it scott free, makes me sad thinking about it, such is life huh?

love,

William

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William I know what you mean, I really think from early 80's on the cars just lost their zing. I truly believe the 60's and the 70's were the best though, although my 80 T/A was pretty special. I am having the guys here work on Steve's truck this week, it is an 94 Honda Passport 4X4, nothing special but it will certainly do alot better in the snow here for the bad winters we get. It feels strange when I drive it because I know he should be here driving it and his CD I gave him for X-Mas is still in the player and his winter gloves and hat are still sitting on the passenger seat. It is hard to explain but it is upsetting and comforting to drive it. Like you said, such is life.

Love,

Wendy

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Wendy,

How do you deal what that? I recall when I had my wifes car I keep remembering vividly that she would be sitting next to me, as she always had me drive her car

when we went out. I had to sell it, was alot to deal with.

They don't make american cars like the did back when, were easy and cheap to fix and work on. I miss the carburetors and simple breaker points. Honda is a great car, I had a Civic HX with CRT transmission that didn't shift, which I sold 4 months ago to get a truck, and found out the tranny in the civic was going bad again. Yes such is life but much better here among friends that care and understand like no one else can :wub:

Love,

William

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