Sister In Law

[Guest Guest]

My sister-in-law died last Saturday. Why does it seem that everyone thinks "in-law" means she wasn't important to me? She was a part of my life since I was 10 years old...I considered her a sister for many reasons other than the fact that she was my brother's wife. I feel so ignored and neglected...and guilty that I feel this way!

[MartyT]

Dear Friend,

I’m so very sorry to learn of the death of your beloved sister-in-law last weekend. Please know that what you are feeling is part of a normal reaction to losing someone you loved very much, and the fact that this person was not directly related to you does not diminish those feelings in any way. Your lifelong connection to this person is real, and it is normal for you to be reacting with real grief.

Unfortunately, sometimes the most difficult part of dealing with the death of a loved one is coping with the insensitivity of others who don’t understand the significance of the relationship you’ve had with the one who has died. You can choose to inform such people of how much this person meant to you, or you can choose to ignore (and even forgive) their ignorance and go elsewhere to find the comfort, support and understanding that you need – as you did, for example, by coming here to share your message with those who are walking a similar path. People who come here don't need to explain or justify what they are feeling, because we all are bound by the common experience of grief.

I hope you and others who visit this place will keep in mind that death may end a life, but it certainly does not end the relationship you have with your loved one who has died, and I hope you will do everything you can to keep your sister-in-law’s memory alive in your heart, as you bring everything she meant to you with you into the present and future. Find ways to keep her with you always, as now you are no longer separated by time and space and distance.

Because I think it will be of interest to you as well as to anyone else who reads this message, I’m once again attaching (in Word format) an informative and relevant article by Ken Doka entitled, “Grief: Coping with Hidden Sorrow.”

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

GriefCopingWithHiddenSorrow.doc

[Guest Guest]

Grief is a sneaky nasty monster that attacks when you're not expecting it...

On Saturdays at work I listen to a Christian music station....and this Saturday they played the song that my sister-in-law's best friend sang at the funeral. I couldn't get the radio turned off quick enough...and I started crying uncontrollably in front of all my customers.

I needed a recipe last night and when I couldn't find it in my file, I thought I'd call my sister-in-law to get it from her. I had the phone off the hook before I remembered that I couldn't call her.

She and I often chatted online via AIM and I was just sitting here hoping she'd come online.

It's so freaky and painful. I hate this.

[Guest Guest]

I am sorry for the loss of your sister in law. I also lost my sister in law and experienced this same type of treatment. I considered her to be a sister. It's been years, yet I still miss her and think of her everyday. It hurt me that people didn't recognize my right to grieve and I felt pushed aside by some family because I wasn't blood related. I know how much it hurts when you feel like you have to justify your grief. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

This is another wonderful article that I think might bring you some comfort and understanding. It's called, "Grievers Anonymous" and is attached as a Word file.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

GrieversAnonymous.doc