Then Comes Depression.....

[Willow]

Then Comes Depression... is right!! When my mom passed in march I had so much to do, so much to take care of, so much to think about and just let sink in that I seemed to keep the grief at bay. Now, almost 7 months later when all the "work" is done, I feel more depressed than ever. I wish I had taken some time off, but in the beginning I thought the best think to do would be to get back to it. That's a workaholic for you. Lately, and I don't know if it's my job specifically or the grief, or both, but my patience level has run much thinner than ever before, and all in all I just feel like crap. I think the worst part of it all is the pit of pain you mentioned. Lately I feel so sick to my stomach, all the time. It's real pain, my whole chest feels like it's going to emplode. I just started seeing a counselor, and I think it's helping, but yesterday was the hardest day I think I've had. I've never been depressed before... is this just typical feelings for depression?? Does it ever end? Coping is the most difficult thing in the world. It's not like there's going to be a cure, or solution, I guess you just have to learn to deal. What a terrible, awful feeling. I just want my mom back. She'd have all the answers...

Dear Chuckles,

In reply to your statement that you "want your mom back...she would have all the answers".....She does have all the answers and the best part of that is that when you reflect upon that, you will know what her answers are. You will also know that she would NOT want you to be unhappy for one minute !!I, too, lost my mom Aug. 30 of this year at age 97. She "visits" me daily...Some days she stays with me all day long, and then some days she comes and goes. I always greet her and tell her how happy I am that she has come. I talk out loud to her. I tell her that I just wish I could hold her and tell her just how much I love her.....But she knows that because I told her that hundreds of times over the last four years that I cared for her in my home and then the last year I visited her 4-5 hours everyday while she was in a nursing home a half mile from me. And, I have no doubt how much she loves me.

Chuckle, my doctor has given me something to take the edge off. I, too, get a lump in my throat from time to time and find myself lying down and sleeping at those times. One of the things I have done is to dedicate my day to her. I have pictures of her throughout the house...all taken by me...so she is looking at me and smiling, no one else. I give thanks everyday for who she was and still is. I still regard her as being there and I am here....but it still would be nice to pick up the phone or have her come through the door. She did come to me in a dream and cuppped my face in her hands and kissed me......I think I'll try to be more receptive to those kinds of visits. Chuckles, I wish you well as you go through this holiday season.... for me it is a time to rejoice and be exceedingly glad for all the good in our lives. Who I am in great part is who this wonderful mother in our lives is and was to us. I like to think that if she is observing me/us from afar, she would be well pleased. Sincerely, Anna

[tootie]

I know all to well what you are all going through, & my deepest sympathies go out to all of you. Especially at this time of year. I lost my mom on March 30, 2003, & my dad on Nov. 21,2004. I now am nobodys child. I have been fighting depression since I admitted my mom to the hospital 3 days before she passed away. I have been going through some very trying times these past few months, & really needed mom to make it all better, as she always could. Just know that you are never alone, & the people here on this forum are the most wonderful, caring people you can find.

I wish you the best,

Tootie