I Am New !

[sshort]

Hi my name is Susan. I am 31 years old. Last August my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. He was a big strong man and was never sick. A few weeks before he died he missed two days work. When we asked him about it he said he had a chest cold. Then in a snap he was gone. He spent a day in hospital and was told he had prior heart attacks and would need some life changes. We were ready for that. Then through out that night he had another and was gone. Since then I have been the one to be strong and hide my tears. I have an older sister who cannot accept it, a younger sister who is not doing too bad, and a mother who has a boyfriend. My mother is lonely I understand that I cannot accept it just the same. ITs almost a year and it seems like the pain was less a few months ago than it is now. I think its because my mom just got this new boyrfirned and the year is drawing close. Anyway to sum it up. I miss my dad!. In the past week I have dreamt of him calling me twice. the first dream the line went dead and I scream DAD so much I woke up feeling lost.

So basically I want to become part of this group and offer any support I can and talk to you all about your losses and mine

[Hans]

His Susan,

It was my mom's 1 year death anniversary the other day as well. I have had numerous dreams about her and I wake up sad. Honestly, I am beginning to think that you never get over the death of a parent because they played such an important role throughout your own life. When you were a baby, your parents held you close and gave you so much affection. There is no replacement for the loss of that unconditional primal type of love. The blood connection creates a love so strong from your parents that you feel an underlying satisfaction from a relationship that survives even through difficult times. There are so many of us out there who wish we could pick up the phone and call the people we love, but we can't anymore. That is just a lesson to get the most out of the relationships that currently exist in your life and to cherish your mother even though she is dating again. I can't blame her. She probably misses the companionship your father provided and this is her way of getting through an excruciating time.

[sshort]

Thanks for yoru reply Hans. My mothe is lonely and I can't fault ehr for that she is 50 years old and full of life. She is a nice looking woman and misses my dad. I tell her to do what she wants .. she knows I am not ready for that but I am not going to protest it like my oldest sister. They haven't spoke now in 8 weeks over folishness. My oldest sister has a lot of guilt and can't deal with it. She was avoiding my dad in hi slast weeks as he was pestering her to do some stuff for her to the point he was nagging her and she was avoiding him and then he died. I have no regrets I just miss him so much. It consumes me and I can't shake it. My mother only realized 2 months ago that we had lost our father, she was so absorbed in herself and her own grief that she had not realized that we had actually lost him too. I am teh one to put on the happy face and tell them it will get better .. thats just me be brave and hide it. IF they only knew how sad I really am