Need Help With Healing

[GypsyMamaX2]

Hi, Im new here....First, let me tell you about Lilly..She was a Silky Terrier and the BEST dog ive EVER had! She was with us 7 wonderful years! In December of 2003, she was attacked by a family members pit bull. I was 8 mos pregnant at the time...My dad took her and rushed her to the vet ..she had numerous wounds, and one that the vet described as amazing...Her juggular(sp) vein in her neck was completely exposed..he said it was as if someone had taken a scalpel and removed all the tissue from around it..and that if it had even be nicked, she would have bled out...But it wasnt..I was so thankful..i had hope after he told me that...she also got a hernia in her tummy right by her back legs...well, amazingly, she fully recovered ON HER OWN from the would in her neck..with no surgery at all! She had to have surgery for the hernia...she came out of it all with flying colors! After a couple of weeks, she was back to normal..running and playing, just as if nothing had happened...Then in June, she started acting a little funny, she couldnt hold food or water down, but it seemed to only happen after she had a little bit of a bone (which i found out dogs should NEVER eat bones)...on June 27th, this happened again..this time it was different than before, she was breathing different, shaking and she whined all night..of course i stayed up with her by her side..since this was a sunday night, no vets were open...so come the next morning, i took her to the vet for what i thought might have been a bone stuck somewhere inside of her tummy...she was very quiet, she usually shook and got upset at vet visits, but she just layed there on my lap waiting her turn...they took us back, took x-rays, blood work, etc...didnt know what was wrong for sure and wanted to do an exploratory surgery which i gratefully agreed to...me and my kids went home and sat by the phone...finally the vet called and said when they opened her up, they found that 26" of her large intestine was completely dead and black...they had to remove it..and said it would be a long and hard road for her to recover...but gave us hope anyways...he said it was due to her first surgery..that sometimes, after an animal has surgery, tissue forms around the wound...well it did and her intestine somehow became lodged behind this tissue, which acted like a turnicut and cut off all circulation... after her surgery, she stayed the night of course..i got up first thing the next morning and called to see if we could come visit her...so we did...the vet then told me that her stomach became distended(swelled) and was sensitive to the touch and she was vomiting fluid and he wanted to go back in for a 3rd surgery to see what was going on...i said by all means, do what you can to save her, but i was worried at the same time for having them go back in so soon...again, we went home and waited by the phone..he asked me was i going to be home in the next couple of hours...well, an hour after we were home, the phone rang...i KNEW what it was before i answered it...he went on to tell me that where the intestine was attached back together was leaking and thats what she was vomiting was the fluid from that....and that after they put her under to do surgery, she went into arrest, they were able to bring her back...and when they went further with the surgery, she went into arrest again and they couldnt save her...I am so heartbroken over this, there are no words...we had her for 4 years before we had kids...she was our BABY..we took her everywhere we went..she ate what we did..she was like a human child to me...her whole 7 yrs, she only stayed in a kennel overnight twice! other than the vet.... my problem is, i have a 4 year old that is just as heartbroken as i am...we go anywhere and he says, look mama, i see Lilly in the clouds ..and it just kills me... I just dont know what to do with myself to get past this..I had her cremated because i just cant stand the thought of her not being with me...i would wake up every morning by her licking my feet as to say..mama get up, i need outside...she was so smart and anyone that knew her fell in love with her...even all the vets she'd ever been to would say they just loved her...she was the best thing that ever happened to me...she died on June 29th 2004....and i just cant deal with her being gone...i really need help..i blame myself for all that happened to her..if i had not let her out alone that morning, that dog wouldnt have attacked her!!!! im so sad and angry at the same time!!! how do i move on to the healing process?? im not sure if i can...but im asking for any kind of help anyone has...my heart physically hurts when i realize shes not coming back...im just taken over by grief...i dont know how to heal...please help....

[Angie2004]

You have so much strength and courage to tell us your story. Thank you for sharing with us and thank you for showing us just how heroic your precious Lilly has been.

I can only imagine how traumatic and difficult this has been. I could feel the pain and angst through your words...You have every right to feel upset, angry, sad...Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You have such a special bond with Lilly and when we love, we hurt.

Lilly was a fighter, a soldier. And I am confident that she is still with you; she will never leave your side and she will forever be part of your heart.

You take good care of yourself and know that we are all thinking about you. Please keep in touch (angie@RespectAnimals.com). We have all experienced the passing of our angels and while we've each shared our own unique experiences, we've all been blessed with the love of our companions.

As you search online, you'll come across so many beautiful ways you can pay tribute to Lilly. One that I found extremely helpful after my Montey passed was to create an online memorial (free) in his memory. The website is www.ilovedmypet.com. Feel free to visit Montey's tribute at www.ilovedmypet.com/Montey.

You are in my thoughts and in my heart....

-Angie

[GypsyMamaX2]

Thank you so much Angie! I just find myself going through that story i told over and over and after i wrote it last night, I kind of felt a little better...She was a complete fighter...Its just funny how animals touch our lives like that! I think the one thing im having trouble with the most is that i feel like i took her for granted...If theres one thing I could tell someone else with a pet is DONT take them for granted!! sometimes i feel that she wasnt with me long enough..BUT everything happens for a reason i think... They live to love us, and please us in any way they can! and i just cant help but think that God put them here for us to do just that! I said after she died that i would NEVER have another dog...maybe out of respect for Lilly , i dont know...but as i was poking around the internet last night, i was looking at silky terrier puppies and i just HAVE to have another one...They are the best breed of dog (in my opinion) and i just think loving another one the way i loved her will help me greatly! and i have to say Montey is absolutely adorable!!! I just take comfort in thinking that she was so great and wonderful when we had her here that God wanted to "know" her too!

[gwennie]

GypsyMamaX2, I send you my sympathy. Your Lilly was a brave little fur-person. Have you been to Rainbow Bridge? Here's the URL:

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

I feel for you. I had a silky years ago..she was 8 when I got her..my boss and his wife were going through a bitter divorce and neither had time for Dandy (short for Dandelion). She was the most precious dog I ever had. I was blessed with her company for 6 more years. Silkies are a great breed. I hope you will consider getting another. Lilly wouldn't want you to be sad.

Please know that you are in my thoughts..if one hasnt lost a dear, beloved pet, they dont know the pain and grief is as if a human family member had passed on.

[GypsyMamaX2]

Thanks for your words gwennie..I really appreciate the responses ive gotten here...you guys are the greatest! I knew you all would understand what im feeling..its weird because you feel so alone when you lose a pet, like your the only one that has ever lost one...this is the most wonderful place...kinda puts things in perspective for me.... I will forever say Lilly was the best dog ive ever had, no matter how many future cuddly's we get! She was awesome! IF i ever decide to get another one..it WILL be a silky! they are the most precious dogs God ever made! Thank you all for your words!

edited to add...Yes ive read rainbow bridge and its wonderful! gives you hope! I found this little poem the other day and can just read it over and over again! thought i would share! maybe it will help someone else whos going through the grieving process...

DON'T GRIEVE TOO LONG

Don't grieve too long for now I'm free.

I'm following the path God set for me

I ran to Him when I heard His call,

I wagged my tail and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To bark, to love, to romp or play

Games left unplayed must stay that way.

I found such peace it made my day.

My parting has left you with a void,

So fill it with your remembered joy

A friendship shared, your laugh, a kiss;

Oh, yes, these things I too shall miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow

My life's been full, you've given so much -

Your time, your love and gentle touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief

Lift up your heart and share with me.

God wanted me now, He set me free.

[AZRose]

I am so glad to find this site and to be able to respond to your loss. I lost my Bandit, my collie mix of five years. He too died from a bowel obstruction. I was at home when my vet called and said the lower half of his bowel was gone. I couldn't afford to let Bandit suffer anymore. I am divorced single women 49 years old, I never could have any children. I wasn't able to adopt a pet until five years ago when I found Bandit, who was on his way to the pound. Bandit was such a positive force helping me to play, my hiking partner, my social buddy (everyone at my condo complex knew Bandit before they knew me). But now I feel so VERY alone. I keep crying and can't stop. I tried to call my family doc and even a therapist, but neither have taken the time to call me. I hurt so bad.

[MartyT]

Dear Friend,

Please know that you are not alone in this devastating loss of your beloved Bandit, because everyone in this Pet Loss Forum has walked the journey you are walking now, and we all know and understand the searing pain of loving and losing a cherished companion animal. As you read any of the other messages posted here, I think you’ll see that you are in very good and caring company.

There is so much help available to you on the Internet, and I hope you’ll find the energy to explore some of the vast resources here. I don’t know where you live, but you might begin by searching Moira Anderson's state-by-state guide to support groups, counselors and pet cemeteries on her Pet Loss Support Page.

See also my Grief Healing Web site, which offers all kinds of information, comfort and support to those who’ve lost a beloved pet. See especially the pages labeled Pet Loss Links, Articles and Books and Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[muimui]

I have lost my beloved silky "Mui Mui" on July 14 due to multiple complications and it still hurts like hell. Logically, I understand that it is to her best interest to let her go, but I missed her so terribly! I tried to occupy myself with work but things just seem to fall apart, I have very short memory spans and at times I will find myself staring in the air or wandering around without a purpose, even though I thought I was working. I work with my husband and lately I have became extremely intolerant with him and I have just realised that I am diverting my anger towards him but I can't help it. Even though I appear to be quite normal in front of people (I am still smiling and talking as usual), I know that most of the time I wasn't even listening or paying attention, and that I was just pretending to be OK. I have been crying on my own every night, after every one has fallen asleep, and I still put out food and water for her every day, as if she's still here. I know this sounds stupid but I just want to make sure that they're there for her if she ever comes back, and that she'll know mommy misses her and hasn't deserted her. I tried very hard to act normal and to keep up with my daily chores, but deep down inside nothing really mattered, my pride and joy is gone and nothing is of importance. I try to hang in there just because I don't want my family to worry about me, especially my elderly parents who are already quite devastated themselves because of Mui Mui. I have lost other pets before but somehow this time it is so different. A part of me has gone with her and I felt so numb, except for the pain...

How am I supposed to get through this? How can I overcome the pain and grief and heal? I understand all the logical parts such as letting go, cry if you need to and all, but nothing has improved. I tried to play with other people's dogs but I actually felt a kind of resentment towards them. I thought about volunteering as a foster parent for dog rescues but I am not sure if this will help at all, as it may make me miss Mui Mui more. I am refraining from getting another Silky right away because I am not sure how I will react or how what I will feel. I just felt lost, impatient, terribly sad and my heart bleeds...