Lost It Again..

[suzanne]

William

I have the same numb. Sleep is such a relief when I can. I have been awake since 3:00 am. I am so exhausted. Seems like the closer the holidays come, the worse it gets. The grief monster is looming and I need to chase him away or confront him.

Suzanne

[suzanne]

William

Happy birthday! Thinking of you my friend. Did you take your meds?

You too Wendy and Corrine

Love to all

Suzanne

[WendyJ]

Hey everyone, sorry I have not been posting, going thru a real rough time right now. Melissa and I are getting into it again, I seem to have a 22 year old who has gotten as my Granmother would say alittle too big for her britches and when she gets home tonight we will be having a serious talk. Will let you all know the outcome. Lyn she is well aware of how I feel but it's her life as she puts it. There is more that she is doing but I won't go into it now, another time.

Suzanne the 28th is Williams birhtday, but you certainly are the first one to wish him a happy birthday ! LOL I have been taking my meds you guys, thanks for the reminders, I love you all for them.

My Mom goes back in the hospital on Friday to have surgery to do biopsies on three lymph nodes to test for cancer, Please may I once again ask for your prayers for her? Her name is Marcia.

We have a big snow storm coming tomorrow and will dump about 8 inches of snow, sleet and freezing rain and then it looks like a Noreaster this weekend ! Well you can't say winter isn't officially here in Jersey !

Will post again soon, just too much going on right now, too many emotions. Haven;t even finished shopping or put up a tree yet. Talk to you all soon.

Love,

Wendy

[karenb]

Good luck with everything, Wendy. Hang in there.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Thank you Suzanne, well another year alone, I hope its better for all of us, time to grease my wheels I did take them and consistent

Wendy, you got alot going and others don't help unfortunately, maybe a few days off is in order?

luv,

William

[Corinne]

William,

Was yesterday your birthday? I am so sorry I did not remember! I am terrible at remembering birthdays. Some people forget their meds, some forget birthdays. Happy Birthday!! (((HUGS))) I hope you had a good day.

Wendy,

I am so sorry you are going through this right now with your daughter. This time of year is hard enough without having to deal with that also. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom.

Suzanne,

Yes, I did remember my meds. I am doing very well remembering them because I am hoping that once they are in my system they do bring some relief.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[Stallyn]

Corinne,

Apologies for a delay in my response, I took on 3-4 things at once the past week, thank you, now I got the birthday hurdle done with

Love,

[Corinne]

William,

I am glad you made it through the birthday hurdle. I get to do that next Sat.

My brother is having a Christmas party that night so at least I will be busy and not just sitting home thinking.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[Stallyn]

Corinne,

Nearly broke a leg jumping over it you're next week? HMM I put a post it and remind to send you a big hug! :) Good for you, christmas with the family is definitely better than staring at the walls I'll be doing something other than celebrating..

Love,

[lyn]

William,

Was Dec.12 your birthday? Belated Happy Birthday. HUGS..Sorry for the late greeting, have only read this now.

[Stallyn]

Lyn,

Thanks, its the 28th, I rather get it over with I be 40 again LOL

[Stallyn]

Gosh, today was rough, simply lost myself in therapy, I thought by now the sting

of losing my Myrna would fade, but I find my self in love with her, its inhibiting me to finding someone else, which is not something I desire right now. Been busy packing and not enough time to mourn, my b-day is the day she was diagnosed terminal. why? why? I looked at some videos of her tonite, and wondered why I didn't stay by her side more, maybe she wouldn't have died so fast. The loneliness is just overbearing. why just go to sleep and never wake up??

[karenb]

William...you're in the dumps now. Please try and bring yourself out of it a little bit. I'm probably just kidding here, but why don't you try to put a little silly smile on your face and "believe that smile." You're a precious person and I don't know if you believe in God but there's a purpose for all of this and I know it's good and you're a really big part of this whole thing. Say to yourself, "I'm such a good person, I am healthy, I will give to others," whatever you want to add..and William, You Will Be Fine.

Your very good friend, Karen

[shell]

William,

You might not be ready to find someone else for a very long time, but that's ok. Live with your memories of Myrna and know that she is still yours. Someday, when you are ready, you will meet someone else, probably by surprise even! But don't push yourself now. You do need time to grieve and that can take a long time. I know it feels like you just want to fade away right now, but your life is worth living and going on, ya know? You are still here for a reason, and I'm not even talking in a religious sense, since I'm not traditionally religious. But I do believe that there is a reason for everything, even when we can't see it at the time. There is something you will do in the future, that you were meant to do. I don't know if this even makes any sense, but hang in there. You seem like a very special person, you certainly are special to us!

Hugs,

Shell

[Stallyn]

Karen,

Hard as its been, moving and greiving at the same time, I am exhausted with all the things needing attention even this forsake apartment sewer back up, keep me up most of the night fixing it, I am eager to get out of this hole, Shell, I wonder what the reason is very often, if I can pull through this life continually alone, I am not religous either, perhaps my faith or a lack thereof, may keep me "alive" for awhile, a friendship close by is all i want, just to lessen the burden of this difficult life.

Love,

William

[shell]

William,

I know what you mean, we all need friends right now, nothing more! Have you tried to look around for groups that share an interest you have? Sometimes that's a good way to meet people and you have something in common to talk about. Or some "dating" sites have people on them that aren't really looking for a romance, just friendship. As busy and exhausted as you are, try to make it a priority to meet some new people. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

Hugs,

Shell

[Stallyn]

yes, so much so, I wish just to find a woman to hear me out and comfort me, its so difficult to meet anyone online or in public, I can't stay fo do any focused enough to interact. I tried craigslist, bipolar dating, nothing to avail myself.

I been somewhat hesitant to move to much forward, I am still in love with Myrna, I don't know why this is so strong. a part of me still clings to someone that isn't here anymore, sounds crazy.

love,

[shell]

William,

Not crazy at all. It's a long story and I won't go into it, but I, too, still cling to someone who's not here anymore, who hasn't been in my life for twenty seven years (he died at a young age). So, I know where you are coming from and it's called love. True love. Cling for as long as you want.

It is so hard to meet people, I know. But usually someone comes along,maybe not even in a romantic way, when we need them, so hang in there. And friendship can turn into romance sometimes.

Big hugs,

Shell

[Stallyn]

Shell,

I know what you mean, a good relationship stays with us for all of our life, maybe eventually the good memories will prevail and patiently wait for our day to meet with them again. I hope someone comes along soon, but its not what I desire but what God has planned for me, so I wont get in the way of it romance is, well, if it happens I won't push it away, though she has to be really special, my heart is healing.

Love,

[karenb]

William, I wish peace for you. Your road is long and hard and I pray for your heart to heal. I'll pick up my son today, have a pork tenderloin in the crock pot. I wish I could just stay home tomorrow but my daughter's feelings would be hurt. Dan and I are supposed to go to her husband's brother's house with all their family. I'd just like to fix Danny a nice dinner and stay home. I have lots of food to take up to him this week, I have a feeling he doesn't have any, but he won't tell me. He only gets $70 a week from SSI and when you smoke that doesn't go far. I wish I could help more but I live on Jack's social security myself. When I cook I cook for two and freeze it to bring up once a month. Mothers worry if their children aren't eating well. Well, you just have a peaceful day and take care of yourself, please.

Your friend, Karen

[Stallyn]

Karen, I wish for peace for you, thanks for posting, I found hope in the next life is rewards for all the suffering over the years, I feel now this all isnt in vain. I feel for you too, this is a bittersweet holiday, I would say, forfeit it until next year You are a good mother to him, I can see God smiling on you, $70 a week is nothing, how does the government expect him to live on that??

Remember what you do, helps in ways that is unknown right? We manage somehow with our income, I heard most wealthy people are ridden with debt to survive, I woudlnt want thier place, money doesn't buy the vauable things in life

Huggs & love,