Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I've Lost My Little Brother At The Young Age Of 20

Recommended Posts

My little brother died 25 day's ago. It was an accidental overdose of oxycotin. I don't know how to go on from here I have thought's of just wanting to die the way he did so that I can be with him. I have 2 daughters of my own and I do know that that is not an option.How do you go on from here?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Lisa,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for this tragic loss of your brother. When death comes suddenly and unexpectedly like this, and to one so young, the shock of it is beyond all understanding, and I can only imagine how your entire world has been turned upside down. I am so very sorry.

You say that you have thoughts of just wanting to die the way your brother did so you can be with him. Keep in mind that feelings in grief are neither right or wrong, good or bad, and they’re not always rational – feelings just are, and for your own mental health it’s important to acknowledge them and express them. So I want to commend you for acknowledging and expressing your thoughts of suicide. Most grieving people have those very same thoughts, but they are terribly afraid to acknowledge and share them for fear of being regarded as over-reacting or crazy, or for fear of scaring other people.

I want you to know that thoughts of suicide are not at all unusual when a person is grieving. Right now you may have the pessimistic belief that things will never get any better, as if life and living are useless and pointless. It is difficult to imagine life without your brother, and your feeling a compelling need to join or be with him is understandable. Keep in mind, however, that there is a vast difference between thinking about suicide and actually acting upon such thoughts. In grief, thoughts of suicide are usually fleeting and reflect how desperately we want the pain of loss to end. You say that because you have two daughters of your own you know that suicide is not an option, and I want to suggest to you if that alone is your reason for hanging on right now, then accept it as a very good reason, and let it be enough.

You ask how you go on from here, and trite as it may seem, dear Lisa, the answer is that you do it one day at a time, and if that is too much, you do it one hour and even one minute at a time. If you learn anything at all by reading the accounts of all the other mourners who are posting in these forums, I hope you’ll learn that there is no right or wrong way to do this thing called grief. There is only your way, and you must discover that way for yourself. We can share with you all the things we’ve learned and done and tried to help ourselves along the way, but it is up to you to pick and choose what works for you and discard what does not. Just know that to do nothing, to simply let time pass as if “time heals all wounds,” is only to delay the work that needs to be done. The passage of time does nothing to heal grief – it is what we do with the time that matters. So when you are ready to do so, I encourage you to read all you can find about grief in general and sibling loss in particular, so you will know what is normal and what is to be expected on this grief journey of yours, so you’ll be better prepared for what lies ahead, and you’ll know what you can do to manage your own reactions. See especially the Site Map page on my Grief Healing Web site, and look under the Death of a Sibling / Twin category. Follow some of the links listed there and learn what is unique about this special kind of loss.

I don’t know how you found your way to this Discussion Group, but I’m so pleased that you made the effort, and I hope you will return from time to time to share more of your story and let us know how you are doing. Meanwhile, please know that we are thinking of you and holding you in our hearts.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Lisa...I just wanted to say hello I understand how you feel...I too lost my only brother at the age of 24 years old..My heart is broke...I lost my brother to prescriptions drug/alcohol overdose...accidental....We think one of the pills was oxycontin....My thoughts are with you...please email me anytime if you would like...I have a son so suicide wasn't an option for me either but it was thought about everyday.. It seems to be gettijng a little better..but the pain will never be gone...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...