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Loss Of A Best Friend


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I didn't know where else to put this, and since my best friend was like a sister to me, I thought I should put it here. I hope that no one minds.

I lost my best friend this month to complications in her treatment to Cancer. It has not been easy. I feel like I have not been dealing with this well at all. I find myself staring at her picture, wishing I could talk to her again and sometimes I do talk to her but of course no one answers. We spoke almost daily, sometimes several times a day, until she got ill and lost her voice. She was given 6 months to a year to live, she lasted 8 weeks.

I have found myself asking questions about life that I never asked before. Why we are here, what's the purpose of it all, and what really happens when we die. I realize everyone has their own religious beliefs on this, but I am a very factual person, and the typical religious explanations just don't satisfy me. Yes I believe in God, I just don't understand why....and all those things bother me. I know that I am depressed and it frustrates me to not have control of my life and feelings. I have plenty to keep me busy but talking to her was a daily part of my life. We shared everything...and now I feel very alone...if not basically helpless to help her husband (who I promised to look after).

I find myself wanting to scream at the world, I am angry, and while I know that that is normal, I still feel guilty for it. My whole life has been turned upside down and I feel like any minute that everything I love is going to disappear. Living like that has really started to bother me.

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Hi there,

I'm just one of many people who have lost someone dear to me and I truly know what you're going through. It's been two years for me so some of those feelings have diminished as will happen for you, too. I lost my husband so I know what it's like for you. You'll probably have many different feelings come and go, anger, sadness, crying, staring into space and many more and they're all normal and very real. Just try to take it easy, one day at a time and know that it will take some time for your heart to heal. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Hi Cat,

I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes people don't understand that losing a good friend can be just as devastating as a family member. Anyone who is part of your life makes a huge impact on your life. As Karen told you, we've all been through the same feelings and eventually they "ease" up. But it takes a long time and you will never be the same, but you will learn to cope with your feelings more easily. So hang in there and just feel what you feel....it's the only way to start to heal. Sometimes we feel stuck in our feelings, and we probably are, but the wheel will start spinning again, so to speak. You will move on a little.

Hugs,

Shell

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Thanks everyone, for your kind thoughts.

I have lost friends before in my life, but nothing like this....and no one this close. I truly feel like a part of me died. I have nightmares at night, usually about having to be some where and not able to get people out of my way or people holding me up or not being able to find the right door....it's frustrating and I am not sleeping well.

I know that I am facing mortality and it's not my own that bothers me, it's the idea that my family is always a step away from being gone. I just wish I knew if living was worth dying. Am I the only one who questions that now? Is living worth dying?

I did expect to "feel" my friend still around me, I think I had been counting on it. But I don't. Even in her home I feel nothing. It's just like she never was. I think that that disturbs me most too because now I am facing the fear that there is really nothing after we die. To me, that idea is a lot worse than death.

I have never had these questions before, I have never doubted the existence of God...but all of a sudden I am facing that doubt and nothing seems to satisfy me. I just wish my friend could tell me, she is ok, that there is a place we go, that she is with all the people and pets she loved, and that living is worth dying for.

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I am sorry for your loss. I am on my six months now, and still adjusting. I remember on my first few months, i questioned everything, and my faith was greatly shaken too. I got obsessed with the afterlife, i badly wanted to know what would happen after death. I want to know where he will go after his death. I am grateful that he sent me signs through dreams, I felt he is at peace wherever he is, and he wants me to have some peace too.

Doubts and all kinds of emotions are normal in grieving. It can get frustrating and exhausting, and you have to be gentle with yourself. Pray for some peace before u go to sleep at night, ask for signs, and believe you will get it. It may not happen sooner, but maybe one day, it will come.

Is living worth dying for? Maybe. One day our time will come too, our stay here on earth is temporary, better to make the most of it.

I believe one day, i will be reunited with my love. For now, am trying to live each day as it comes.

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Cat,

I am reading a book recommended by one of our posters called Hello From Heaven and it is about after death communications. One of the things in the book that I found most comforting was that it seems loved ones we've lost may not contact you unless you are in a crisis. I, too, thought that my mom in particular would "contact" me in some way, give me signs, but so far nothing concrete. You might find this book comforting (and very interesting).

Is life worth living? Interesting question....what other choice do we have? Other than ending it all, which can be an incredibly selfish act (in my opinion) for the ones you leave behind, that have to live with that, we just have to try to make our lives worth something, I guess.

Hang in there. I know it's so tough right now, but it will get easier to cope with your grief down the line.

Hugs,

Shell

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Cat,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. The feelings and questions you're having are overwhelming, but normal for someone who's only a month away from a loss. My husband also died a month ago and I've been battling the same doubts and fears and "Why am I still here?" questions. I still don't have all the answers - maybe I never will - but I urge you: don't lose faith. God will not desert you and will carry you through this. At least, that's what I believe; I know I'm not strong enough to go through the heartbreak alone.

About hoping to hear from your friend that she's OK: It should happen in time if you pray for it and open yourself to it. Sometimes, though, loved ones who have passed don't always "check in" with us right away. I'm not sure why, but it may have something to do with how much time they had to prepare and how spiritually ready they were before their death.

My dad died suddenly, and within a few days some of my family and I started to see visions of him and receive messages from him. My husband also died suddenly, and about two weeks passed before he contacted me to let me know that, yes, he still is with me and loves me. But when my mother passed two years ago, we were close so I expected to hear from her right away - but it didn't happen for months. I think it took so long because I was more at peace with her death; for weeks we knew she was dying, we were both prepared, and she was ready to go and rejoin my dad. I couldn't prepare for losing either my dad or my husband because both were gone instantly. You said your friend lived only 8 weeks after her diagnosis, so neither of you had much time to prepare for her transition.

I'd like to recommend two more books, one I just finished and another I'm still reading. In 90 Minutes in Heaven, a minister (Don Piper) who died in a car crash but miraculously came back to life describes what he saw in heaven and how he was brought back to Earth to tell others about it. And in The Heart of Grief, Thomas Attig explains how our love for those who have died doesn't end, but goes on to change our lives.

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Is life worth living? Interesting question....what other choice do we have? Other than ending it all, which can be an incredibly selfish act (in my opinion) for the ones you leave behind, that have to live with that, we just have to try to make our lives worth something, I guess.

Thanks for the kind words. I know that life is worth living, but is it worth dying for. That's my question. We live but for what purpose? When its all said and done how do we know that there is something beyond death, that we simply just don't fade away.

I appreciate all the book suggestions, I really do, but I really want something more based in fact. Religion is about faith, for me, this isn't about religion, I'm not relying on my faith, I do need facts. I apologize if that sounds selfish, I honestly can't explain why I feel that way, only that I do.

Thanks again, everyone, your words mean a lot too me...please don't think me ungrateful.

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If you are looking for scientific proof of the survival of consciousness after death, you might want to read about the Veritas Research Program being conducted by the University of Arizona's Department of Psychology. Their website is http://veritas.arizona.edu/. That's probably the closest you'll come to obtaining "facts" about life after death, and I hope that their research results can ease your doubts.

I also hope your friend will at some point communicate with you. Once you've experienced contact from someone who has crossed over, it's impossible to doubt life after death - whether you are or aren't religious.

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Cat,

The book I recommended is not religious and is based on "fact"...thousands of interviews with strict qualifications. Even though the title mentions Heaven, it is just used as a reference sort of. I understand where you are coming from as I have often thought the same thing. Like, what does it all mean in the end? And since I'm not religious in the traditional sense, I wonder if there is anything beyond this life, if some kind of Heaven exists. That's why the book is comforting, because all the stories about people who have had after death communications makes you almost have to believe there is something more after this life. But, honestly, it was just a suggestion, and I won't be offended if you don't read it.

There are so many things in life we just will never know about possibly, and I guess this is one of them. It's very frustrating, isn't it?

Hugs,

Shell

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