My Brother James

[Angellea]

I lost my brother James July 11th 2004. His birthday was July 22 and This has been so hard. People say I should be staring to feel better but I dont . Its hard to breath and I my chest feel like it is being crushed all the time. it like a bad dream you cant wake up from. I just dont know what to do any more I am so mean to people for no reson at all and that is not me. I am a very nice person kind giving and understanding .but The last 2 weeks I have been a not very nice person and I dont like it. I want my life back and my brother I know I cant have him back but it dont stop the want .

Angellea (Sister to James)

[ana]

I lost my brother on Sept 21/04, he was my only sibling and my big brother - he was 30 years old. His death was sudden and unexpected in my mind - he had been sick for about a year and a half and had an emergency liver transplant the day he passed away. He died 2 times on the operating table, the first time they had his heart working again, the second time, they coudln't revive him.

I feel the same way. It's been about 3 months since my brother passed away, but I'm not sure what to do. I snap at people and freak out every chance I get, but all I want is my brother to come home and be with me again. And yes, it's like a bad dream that you can't wake up from. All I do is sleep.

I just want people to leave me alone, but at the same time I don't. I'm not sure what we're suppose to do. Stay strong.

[spela]

Dear Ana and Angellea,

my closest friend, the love of my life died in January. He had liver cancer. Though it's a very serious disease, we didn't expect him to die - he was told he was getting better, and in the last months he did feel quite well, but all of a sudden it got much worse, all of a sudden he felt unbearable pain and the doctors said they couldn't do anything but try to relieve his pain. He died two days later. Two days after his 32nd birthday ... I was there with him all the time, holding his hand, hoping, praying ...

It's been almost two months now and the truth is it doesn't get better. It still sometimes feels like a dream. All I prayed for in the last three years was for him to get better. I deeply believed he would. Now all the dreams and all the wishes are gone. I only hope to meet him again, someday ... There are moments when I can clearly feel his presence, when I can smile, KNOWING he's around, with me. But most of the time I just don't know what to do. I can't be around people though on the other hand I need to talk about him ... I know the feeling that you describe, Angellea, I can't communicate "normaly". It's very difficult to talk about things that don't matter - and now most of the things are such. I know the feeling when you want to scream, tell everyone to leave you alone and don't ask you about your day, your job, or how you are (that's the question I hate most) - some even think they could cheer you up with gossips! At least I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. I'm sorry for you both, losing your brothers. Thank you, Ana, for your answer in the other forum. I believe that our loved ones will always be with us. Wish you all the best!

Spela

[ana]

Hi There

Am back, and now am at the 6th month mark. The anger that I had before has somewhat lifted now I think I'm going through denial. I must say though, that I am having better days at times, but at the same time, having days that aren't as great.

I can't believe that 6 months has passed, it still feelsl like it just happened, not like yesterday anymore, but more like a few weeks ago. As the days go by I feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from my brother.

Spela, take care of yourself and take the time you need.

Ana