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Missing Gabriel

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I am feeling right in the middle of my grief today! I am missing my son Gabriel so very much! Missing all the things I will never get to do with him. I wanted so much for him to be a part of our family!!! I was going to be the mother of two boys...Samson (my two year old) and Gabriel (my newborn). I carried Gabriel for nine months, only to have him taken from me....I birthed my sweet baby boy stillborn. It's hard to believe that he's not going to be with us...I mean, I know that he's not, but I wish so much that I had him here!......Sometimes my heart aches so bad...I don't think I can bear it anymore. I just can't stop thinking about him...about holding him, cradling him...singing little lullabies to him. I want so much to touch his little face and hands...have him wrap his tiny little fingers around one of mine. I want to see my husband holding him and talking to him...telling him how happy we are that he is here with us...I want to see the excitement in Samson's eyes as he proudly holds his baby brother. I want to look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him and see him looking back at me. Tell him that I will protect him and take care of him with all that I am!..............It's so hard to take in all the emotions that go along with realizing that those things are never going to happen. I don't think I have ever known such profound sadness in my life, or ever dealt with something so difficult.


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Hi Wendy,

Hold on tight, and go with how you are feeling. It has only been a very short time since Gabriel's death, and some of that calming numbness is beginning to wear off. It is so 'normal' to get caught up in your pain and feel as if you are drowning, but just try to get through one moment at a time. Grieving is such hard work, probably the hardest work we will ever do in our lifetime, and so many times you feel all alone in your journey. I can remember when I emerged from the 'numbness state', I just couldn't seem to breathe with this wide gaping hole in my heart. But I did keep breathing, and crying, and coping as best as I could. Gabriel will always be with you Wendy, death cannot take that away. He is your little boy and always will be, and when an event happens in your life or in your son Samson's life, you will always wonder how Gabriel would have handled it, how it would be for him if he were there. And he will be there at that moment in time for he is in your heart forever. I am holding you in my prayers that you are given peaceful sleep and dreams, and the strength to do all that you need to do.

Love and Blessings

bobsgal (Lynda)

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