2 Weeks

[DesertBob]

Look at the title on your car, it probably has "OR" between the names, which means that either of you have the right to sell the car and only one signature is needed to do so. In that case there is no real need to do anything about it.

It is probably possible, at least in some states to word it as "AND", in which case, at some point you would probably need to present the death certificate to the Motor Vehicle people and get your spouse removed and get the title re-issued with just your name. Even that, however, could wait until you want to sell it, although it is probably best to do it ahead of time.

I still need to consolidate Linda's investment accounts into mine, sometime before tax day. The broker sent me a confusing pile of forms I'll have to figure out. Other than that ... somehow the bank figured out all by themselves what happened and removed her from the mortgage and even sent an automated condolence. I figure her credit cards don't need canceling unless they charge a fee for non-use, which I still need to look at. I've purposely put all that off until now, when I feel more up to it. I'm glad she didn't die closer to tax time.

As for the driver's license and gun carry permit, I doubt it's worth the trouble to do anything about them. They were issued to your husband and he's the only one who could use them anyway. The only thing is if there is an automatic renewal where you'd have to pay some kind of fee ... that might be worth checking but I doubt very much that you can renew and be charged without responding to some kind of form. Here in AZ I seem to recall they send a renewal form around and if you don't respond, it lapses.

--Bob

Scotty

Is this something that is required that you have to change registration? The car is still titled in both of our names and I still have Will's drivers license as well as his gun carry permit. I have not notified anyone regarding these issues.

Suzanne

[dpodesta]

I didn't do anything with the drivers license either, nor do I plan to. As for vehicle titles, when I pay off the one that is in both names I will worry about getting her names off at that point. Our RV trailer is still in both names, I have left it that way. The only thing I had to do is show the death certificate when I had hail damage in order for the check to be issued in my name only. I had to remove her name from the checking account when I filed for bankruptacy. I know some of these things are a pain to do.

Love always

Derek

[suzanne]

Thanks Bob. I just checked the title and it does so or. So I guess I could sell it and not tell anyone anything? Just sign it over?

Suzanne

[Scotty]

Hi Suzanne, what Bob says is correct. The registration on our motorcycle was joint with a "/" between the names. Regardless, I dont believe its a critical issue or something that has to be dealt with immediately. Not sure why, but for me, its just one of the loose ends that needs tying up. Spending most of time thinking of what has to be done. I'm sorry if this caused you any undue concern.

Scotty

[Scotty]

Not shaping up to a very good day today. Not that any are, today just seems to be worse. The fear of everything is unexpected for me. Kinda like flying with out a net. Before Kate died, it didn't matter what life threw at us, together we'd get through it and eventually get back to normal. Now, my "normal" is gone and terrified of what the new normal is going to be.

Scotty

Edited March 26, 2008 by Scotty

[teny]

HI Scotty I know what you feel Together with my husband I could face everything .My normal is also gone.I wanted you to know that I have a ceramics workshop Work was the only way Icould take some of the pain .Im not creative any more .I would like to see some of your wifes pots .As all friends here you have to try day by day.Thinking of you TENY

[kayc]

I have sold vehicles since George passed away and on the ones where we weren't joint owners I just had to fill out an affidavit and have it notarized to go with the Title when it went to the new owner, I downloaded the form on line. On the ones where you're joint owners, you just supply a copy of the death certificate when you sell the vehicle, along with the title. The state of Oregon told me a photocopy of a death certificate is not valid and legal, however the DMV apparently doesn't realize that and accepts a photocopy just fine, so I didn't bother buying extra copies for that. As long as you own the car you don't need to change anything. I imagine the requirements probably vary a little from state to state. I know a person isn't supposed to carry someone else license but that's because they don't want someone purporting to be someone they're not. I carry George's driver's license ever since he died...I've thought of sending it to his son, but just haven't done so yet. I seriously doubt there'd be a judge in American that would have a problem with that. These are the little things that are hard to change/adjust to, and I see no reason in being in any big hurry to do so. It's hard enough dealing with the things we absolutely have to!

[Scotty]

I would like to see some of your wifes pots .As all friends here you have to try day by day.Thinking of you TENY

Thanks Teny, I've attached a pic of one of Kates early creations that happen to be on my computer. This was only her hobby. Something she really enjoyed doing after work and excelled at. Someday, I'd like to think I'd be able to finish her pieces left on the shelves. Some are just air dryed, others have been bisque fired and just waiting to be glazed and fired. Her disasters or failures as she put it, usually ended up in her flower gardens as ornamentals.

Take care

Scotty[attachmentid=242]

[kayc]

Scotty,

Her work is beautiful, thank you for sharing that with us...you must be proud of her! I know that George always enjoyed watching me do my stamping (I make cards)...he said I made "happy sounds" while doing it (like humming and whistling ).

[suzanne]

Scotty

Kate's pottery is just beautiful. She was so talented. I hope the thought that she touched it and created it will bring you some small amount of comfort. It's still so very early for you right now. I know in those first few weeks there wasn't much of anything I could find comfort in. Just numb I think. Hang in there, one step at a time.

KayC

Thank you for the advice. I have to trade and or sell this car ASAP. Major problem and I must have something reliable to drive. Right now I have nothing. One of those push, pull or drag situations. I just never gave any thought about the title or a problem with it being in both our names. I do have copies of the death certificate but I know this is going to a painful experience. Guess I'll just hang on to the roller coaster. What other choice is there?

Suzanne

[DesertBob]

Wow, Scotty, that's gorgeous! She had talent. And taste. Also, I'd wager, patience. I am a hazard to myself and others when I try to make physical things, largely because I can't take the tedium. I suppose it's why I create software. It's easy to inconvenience electrons -- finessing pottery or wood or whatever, that's a whole other thing to me.

Best,

--Bob

Thanks Teny, I've attached a pic of one of Kates early creations that happen to be on my computer.

[Corinne]

Scotty,

Kate was an extremely talented woman, her pottery is beautiful! Thank you for sharing the picture with us.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[karenb]

Hi Scotty,

It must have been wonderful to watch your wife create beautiful pottery. You are a lucky man and she was a lucky woman to have a husband that loved her so much. We know it's very hard to go through what you are going through now. Just try to get through these first times and try to remember the good things. It's just something that we're experiencing that we wonder why, but we just have to do it. I feel badly for you but I know you'll get through it, just hang in there.

Your friend, Karen

[Scotty]

Yep, Kate was talented. She got into painting many years ago, and when she discovered pottery, I encouraged her to combine the 2. Cupboards are full of coffee mugs, serving bowls etc.

I'm really starting to hate weekends, not that the weekdays are much better.

No plans for today. I better come up with something to occupy my time. I miss her so much

Scotty

[teny]

Scotty Thanks for sharing the picture .I know how hard is the wheel throwing pots.I did it a couple of years ago and also combind by painting.If you need advice how to do glasing and finishing her creations Il be glad to help you.If you want to see my production go to www.teny.gr Hope you feelbetter TENY

[Scotty]

Thanks Teny

Thats quite the shop you have set up there. The pieces are beautiful. Some day I may be consulting you about finishing her pieces. She tried teaching me how to throw on the wheel, but I could never get the knack for it. I always thought of that as her domain anyway. I remember once I tried feebishly to glaze one of her plates. I think I had glaze covering every square foot of the shop. She had a good laugh over that one.

Pretty lousy day today. A little hesitant to go anywhere in case I start blubbering. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

....Scotty

[Rosella]

I just lost my husband on Jan 7.....I know exactly what you are going thru. The evenings are the worse and being so alone. I am trying to accept invitations like you, but it is so hard without him. We were maried 62 yrs. I keep reading the sites hoping for help and I guess it does just knowing that others go thru the same thing. I have found out that it is a long process getting thru all this.

I have started back to church. I plan on starting back on my volunteer job. My children are taking me on a trip for a week, hopefully that will help...but I still have to come home to an empty house.... Just wish me luck and same to you..

[WendyJ]

Rosella ( what a beautiful name) I am so sorry for your loss. Wow how special that you had 62 years with your husband, congratulations to you. I met my husband when I was 15 yrs old, wasn't permitted to date till I was 16. We married when I was 21, finally bought a house and had two daughters and were combination together and married for 35 years. I lost him last March 7th to a blood clot that traveled to his heart that we never had warning of. He was my soulmate and my best friend and I am very lost without him and scared so I know you must be too. It is very early for you so please take care of yourself and come here often to visit. Hope to talk to you soon.

Hugs,

Wendy

[Rosella]

Thanks for answering Wendy. I was like you...I met him whe I was 13....married him when I was 16 and had 2 wonderful boys. I have the best family in the world...but they live in another state. He was my entire life. He passed away with emphysemea..... I just have to try to stay busy, if I don't seems all I do is cry......I can't wish him back to be that sick again, but.....

I am sorry to hear of your guy too......so many of my friends have lost their hubbys in last few yrs and I am soooo sorry I wasn't there for them more. Sometimes I just feel so alone....a phone call or visit just means so much...

Did yu go to grief support meetings. I am in a quandry about that as when I talk about it all I do is cry....so hesitate to go to the meetings...

thanks again...

[dpodesta]

Rosella,

I went to a grief support group and really loved it, at first, yes it was hard to talk and not tear up, but ai have learned it is part of the grieving process, the sooner you work through it and let your self cry the sooner things will start to fell better.

Love always

Derek

[Scotty]

Hey Rosella

I hate to use a corny phrase but it really is just one day at a time. It hasn't gotten much easier yet, but it is still early. I'm slowly coming to grip with the idea that it will never be the same. Volunteering sounds like a wonderful thing to do. The empty house syndrome is a tough one to deal with. I leave the T.V. on most of the time to add some background noise when I come home.

There are some really good people here. No one has a magic solution to our grief, but we all share the same pain here, and it does help. Its amazing all the emotions you feel and comforting to know your not alone in dealing with them.

Take care

.....Scotty

[kayc]

Rosella,

You were together so long, it is bound to be difficult. I'm glad your kids are wanting to spend time with you, and also you are keeping yourself active, it'll help. (I had a wonderful friend named Rosella, it is a beautiful name, I've never known another named that.) No matter who we are, how long we were married, it is a challenging journey to walk through, but it helps to walk it together with others who understand and have been there. Please feel free to post whatever you feel like any time, it's what we're all here for.

[karenb]

Hi Rosella,

I'm sorry about your husband. It's very hard and 62 years is quite an accomplishment. I'm an older citizen myself and when you don't have a job to go to it does make for a long day if you don't fill it with something else. I have a little home business transcribing courtroom proceedings, volunteer at the local food bank, exercise 3 times a week, go to church and have my ladies' group once a week. In the evenings I have some kind of relaxing project to pick up when I want to to help the evening along. All these things I have done since my husband died 2 1/2 years ago. In the beginning I was devistated like everyone here, but after a period of time I made choices to do the above things and it has helped tremendously. I've met people who are great and supportive. Just take your time, take care of yourself and know that you're not alone. Let us know how you're doing and come here often.

Your friend, Karen

[Rosella]

Thanks Derek.....

If crying helps, then I should get well real soon...

I am trying to stay busy and trying to start going out to see friends.....Hopefully that is gonna help............. Maybe I will try a support group one day soon............. thanx

Thanks for all your replys to me...Scotty, Kay, Karen, Derek.....

Means a lot to me and just reading your answers does help....

My kids are wonderful....the oldest and his wife is gonna take me to Hawaii for a get away for a week here later in teh month, so gives me soemthing to look forward too, but the evenings are sooo long. I am trying to get out among friends so hope that helps too....again thanks and I'll be back on.....

I am not sure I am using this site correctly...but maybe I will learn.

[Scotty]

This is one tough go. Been a little over a month now and I feel worse than ever. When you are so devoted to the other person, how are you supposed to go on with life? I've been barely surviving one day to the next. All our plans, hopes and dreams for the future are gone. I'm suppose to go back to work next month. Don't know, I'm trying to do this one day at a time thing, but awfully hard to go from bad to worse days all the time.

Sorry for the whining, just been a bad week

Scotty