How Come I Feel So Alone

[Cindi]

A house full of people, dogs, a cat, a bird, a turtle and fish. A job full of co-workers. Yet I find no one who wants to hear what I have to say and little if no support.

I miss my Mom...

[LoriS.]

I'm sorry Cindi. When my mom first died I felt like I was in my own world within this world. I would go to the store and think how could everyone be laughing and going about their day and I am in this loanly world. I,like you, also have a lot of people around me, but nothing made sense. Just give it time. It just takes a lot of time to feel "normal" again. It's a new type of normal.

Keep on posting...someone here will always respond. I'm going away for a week on Wednesday to visit a friend. I'm very excited! One year ago I was laying in bed sobbing for my mom and today I can go visit my friend and will honestly have a good time. It does get better and easier...it just takes a lot of time. And we NEVER will forget them, so don't worry about doing something that might bring you joy...they would WANT us to have joy in our life...I promise!

Take care...Lori

[leeann]

(((((((((((((Cindi))))))))))))) <hug for ya there.

You aren't alone.

I miss my Mom too. And I do so get it.

This is my first post on this forum.

I have read here though for a couple months. Two weeks ago my Mom was dead a year. And it has been quite a year. Lots of my grief was delayed by other things.. like handling the estate, my husband had major surgery and another follow up procedure and yet another health scare that only resolved three weeks ago. It's been a teensy stressful to say the least.

So now??? Whoo boy.. I'm feelin it... bad.

Fortunately or unfortunately.. this isn't my first significant loss. And I know that what Lori responded to you here is true without doubt.

But.. I also know there is no timetable. And we are all different. And some days.. one can ache down to one's soul.

I know there is NO getting over it... only learning to live again without that person physically here with me.

I know there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better.. but perhaps I can help you feel like you have some company anyway.

Know this.. for sure... you are no where near alone. Others are walking this path at the moment too. And for me at least, knowing that I'm not alone.. makes me feel just a bit less raw. So your post here.. actually helped me and I thank you.

Cindi another thing that I try to remember is, I wouldn't hurt so bad if I wasn't loved so well. So I try to be grateful with my tears too.

[LoriS.]

Leeann, I loved what you said about how if we weren't loved so much it wouldn't hurt so bad. Well put and soooo true!

Take care...Lori

[drew]

Cindi,

I know exactly what you mean. I moved back in with my dad because I couldn't be alone anymore. However, even with him and my step-mom and my half sister, and the two dogs, I feel so lonely. The only person I want is my mom. I go to class everyday and feel like NO ONE understands. In fact, just today someone came up to me and asked how my mom was doing. I sat there, and didn't know what to say. I told them that she passed away, and there was this awkward silence, like they didn't know what to say. I just wanted to run to my car and go home! But then class started and I just sat there for an hour and a half feeling so lonely.

Now I'm home and I just found a magazine that my mom had written a note on: "I circled some things I want! " I should have bought all that stuff for her. Just seeing her hand writing makes me miss her more. She was so funny! Who leaves a catalogue on their son's desk with a note basically saying, "buy me stuff!" She cracks me up. Ugh, this is such a roller coaster of emotions.

Just know that you're NOT alone. We are all here for you!

Love, Drew

[Cindi]

Thank you all for your kindness and words of wisdom...I so take them to heart. I agree, if we weren't loved so much our pain would not be so bad. I'm glad I was loved so much.

Love,

Cindi

[jc1030]

Cindi,

What I have learned is that it's not all that unusual for people to not want to hear you after you lose a loved one. It's either because they can't identify since it hasn't happened to them, or it's because they don't want to hear it because it reminds them of their's and their family's eventual mortality.

I was lucky when my father died October '06. Most of my friends have lost a parent so I was able to talk to them. Sadly, my situation is likely more the exception to the rule.

Take your time with your grief. That's the most important thing. Don't let anyone tell you how long to take. And you have this board.

Jeff