Feeling Down Today

[kayc]

Oh how I do know what you mean! I barely make enough to get by and it is a struggle for me to get enough money for gas to work or food to eat. I not only lost half my income when George died, but got hit with huge hospital and doctor bills, most of you know what I'm talking about. They would take payments but they charge so much in interest I wouldn't get anywhere, so I remortgaged my house. I used to have a home that was paid for and money in the bank, now I have neither. Then I lost my job. Now I have to commute 100 miles every day. I am mechanically impaired/challenged and if there's more than one part, I'm in trouble. I don't understand physics and mechanics. I always did the cooking. laundry, cleaning, paying bills, correspondence, sewing, caretaking, that sort of thing. It was George that did the upkeep of the home, vehicles, mowed the lawn, cleaned behind the refrigerator (which I can't budge), figured out why the washer wouldn't spin, stuff like that. I can't chop the wood or move heavy things, and haven't a clue how to fix things. I do not have money to pay someone to fix things. But somehow I've gotten by and I've never been late with a payment or had anything important go unfixed. I do know the helpless feeling of vulnerability though...I remember right after George died, my sink stopped up. In 30 years of living there, it had never done that. I called one of the elders in our church that lived nearby and asked for help. He said, plain and simple, "no". Another man in our church found out about my situation and told me him and this other gentleman would be right there and he wouldn't say "no" to him! They came and worked on it and got it unstopped. I was so humiliated and embarrassed when that man told me "no", it hurt and it made me feel I couldn't call someone for help. This same man's wife offered to cut me a Christmas tree when they cut theirs, and I was very grateful. Christmas approached and no tree appeared so I asked her about it and she told me they'd already gotten theirs but hadn't gotten me one, and she seemed unconcerned. My son came home on leave and got me one. The church scheduled a work party for a month after George died to help me with things around the place. I bought pizza for all and guess what, no one showed up! Not one person, nor did anyone call. I learned that when people offer to help they don't always mean it. Yet I do remember an old man coming and weedeating my yard, how much that meant to me! And our friend Dan (the one who DID get the sink unstopped) finishing the ramp that George had torn down and had been in the middle of a project on. Beyond that, no one came or followed through on anything except for my son and John, and how grateful I have felt for them! Oh one other person came through...my daughter...I offered to pay her to help me clean the house, some of it was more than a one person job, like cleaning the windows...she brought friends with her and I fed everybody and at the end of the day they all refused pay and told me "Happy Birthday"! So you see, some people will be there, and some people won't, but we still need each other and need to sometimes ask for help. And it's not our "bad" if we ask and get turned down...it's the other person's loss in their decision not to help, they've missed a blessed opportunity to "pay it forward".

John has noticed I have a very hard time asking for help, I have a little pride, I will try my level best to do things on my own, but every now and then, I have to ask for help. I'll be glad to trade services or do anything else I can for the person, but some things are beyond me. Try as I might, I am not a 200 lb. man, nor am I a mechanic.

Whether you are a man or a woman, when we lose a spouse, it is hard...some struggle for lack of emotional support, some struggle physically or financially, and most of us in all kinds of ways. We were dependent on each other as a partnership or team, it only stands to reason the loss is going to felt in a myriad of ways!

[WendyJ]

All of you my girlfriends here have made me realize I am so not alone in this battle of the fear of the unknown and the fix-it blues. Or should I say the Non-fix it blues. Too bad we all didn't live near eachother as one of us could take a course on plumbing and one on auto mechanics etc and we would all be set ! All kidding asside my sister made my brother in law come over today finally to replace my broken deadbolt for the back door. Why ? Well besides the fact that there have been many burgleries all around there was a murder last night a few blocks from here. This is strange for where I live, it used to be the most you would hear is that some kids stole a boat and took it joy riding or we couldn't leave our house because there was a bear in the front yard but the more developements that go up the more people from towards the city are moving out here and the more this town is changing, it is very scarey. So at least I got one thing out of the way and he said he will do a few other things too, hehehe it took him a month to get here this time and I think my sister threatened him. LOL

Love,

Wendy

[KathyG]

Wendy, I'm glad you had your deadbolt fixed and kudos to your brother-in-law for doing it.

I know what you mean about neighborhoods not being safe anymore and worry a lot more about safety now that it's just me and my dog at home. I lived the first part of my life in Pittsburgh, and of course there were crimes there, but we seem to have many more of them in Arizona and the perpetrators seem more vicious. Even though I try to avoid putting myself in potentially dangerous situations, life's scary sometimes.

[WendyJ]

Thanks Kathy ! It is strange to hear of anything happening like this here, most people here don't lock doors even it is usually so quiet and safe. I live on a penninsula and it is a very quiet Lake Community but like I said people from the city are moving out this way since they can still commute to NY City within about an hour so things are starting to happen.

Love,

Wendy

[kayc]

When I grew up in the city, we always locked our doors, but I've spent 31 years in the country where no one locks their doors or their vehicles. John is appalled! He's from the biggest city in Oregon, and there's a lot of crime, he never leaves his door unlocked, not even when he's home, not for a second, ever! He has been nagging me to lock the doors and I'm trying to get into the habit of it. My patio door, the lock is broken and you can't get another one (I called our town's only locksmith), so I cut a bar to fit into the track and no one can get it open with that in there! Times have changed...I never leave my vehicles unlocked either. And incidentally, I used to take walks in the woods between 10:00 and midnight, but I'll tell you, the biggest scares I've had have not been the bears, but people! I don't do that anymore, but I sure miss it.

[Gail_R]

kay I like you never lock my doors ever. Things done happen here in the country. I go away for a weekend the doors are not locked call me crazy just don't lock them. gail