What Do You Do When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed?

[PattyAnn]

Just wondering what each of you do when things really pile up on you like grief, bills, keeping the business going, difficult elderly mother, leaky kitchen sink, etc). Sometimes it feels like the universe is throwing everything at me all at once.

Adjusting to being a widow is daunting enough, but all the other gazillion things that I now have to contend with really add to the stress.

Just wondering if any of you have found ways to deal with the daily stresses that we now face without our spouses. Breathing exercises and prayer are all I know to do. Also, calling up a friend, but I can’t keep doing that. Don’t want to wear out my welcome with them.

Any suggestions?

[LarrysGirl]

Patty Ann, I was constantly feeling overwhelmed. Even the little things put me over the edge. I have to say the hardest lesson for me to learn during this grief was that I had to let some things go. I've always liked my home straight, my garden looking perfect, etc. The first yr. for me, I think I tried to keep it all up but the second year took its toll on me. I became overly exhausted. Don't do that to yourself, please. We have to learn to take it slow and don't over do. I wanted things to be the same as if Larry hadn't died but its not possible. I'm learning to let go and deal the best I can and that has to be good enough for now. Take care, Deborah

[karenb]

Hi Patty Ann,

You do have a lot on your plate. Those pesky household disasters are troublesome, but what you're doing now is wonderful - breathing exercises, and pray with the belief that God will take care of you. I feel you do need to take daily time for yourself, a walk (maybe with headphones and music you like), join an exercise group of your liking (I do that three times a week), have a pet to care for (you may not have the time) but they sure give unconditional love, quiet time reading, and maybe something to putter with in your home, a past-time that you enjoy. I'm sure there are others that will give you ideas, but those are the major ones I do, and it helps me. Let us know if any of these work. Hang in there, friend.

Your friend, Karen

[dpodesta]

Patty Ann,

I know this time is difficult, You have some of the answers, but sometimes we just need more. I feel lucky, I have a few friends that I can talk to any time about what I am going through without worrying about wearing out my welcome. Like Karen said exercise does help, after I joind a gym this past month I have found that I have more energy. Just keep praying, I know it seems like a lot of stuff comes up at once but just take it a little at a time.

Love always

Derek

[PattyAnn]

Since my husband died, sometimes it feels like I have been transported into a parallel world, only everything is opposite of what it should be!

Life was oh so good with Walter...now everything seems no so good.

I count my blessings each day, but you know how it is to miss your spouse so very much you feel like you could shatter. Yes, I will hang in there but I'm trying to find ways to treat my mind into feeling better.

Thanks for responding! It does help!

[WendyJ]

Patty Ann I know exactly what you mean. I am the type of person where if there are too many things to be done, I get overwhelmed and do none of them where as if I do alittle and try to keep going it gives me that push to get things done. My problem now is like you I no longer have my Steve to do them. So jobs around the house are piling up and I don't know what to do. I don't want to have some stranger come in so these things are not getting done. I wish I had an answer for you but I am right there with you.

Hugs,

Wendy

[kayc]

Patty Ann,

I just went on anti anxiety medicine and that seems to be helping...along with prayer, exercise...and don't forget to take time for yourself to do something you enjoy! You are the most important thing you have to take care of, without which, everything else would suffer, so that has to be your priority. I had to let some things go, I don't clean the house as often as I used to, the yard work has suffered, gave up the garden. Try to stick to the basics plus something you enjoy that destresses/relaxes you.

A friend of mine went through a divorce and she traded taking care of a male friend's child for his fixing things around her place and she'd have him and the child in for dinner. It helped him a lot as a single parent and helped her a lot as a single mom...she made it clear it was strictly friendship/business arrangement, and it worked great!

[Dawn 5421]

I guess pulling the covers over your head and hiding doesn't count as a solution? Being mad or angry at the people who are caring for you most doesn't help either? Okay, I am of no help because those are the only two strategies that I have tried and neither have resolved my anxiety or general hurt.

Please tell me we/you can push through this, that sooner rather than later it will get better? How high can these things pile up? I feel the crushing blow, I know sometimes I cannot breath, does it get worse?

I want to go to bed and never arise, but the sun calls me every day to get up and carry on. This weight that we carry, the ever mounting pile of life, I will chip away at, one chip at a time...and someday, I will breath again....won't I?

[dpodesta]

Dawn,

You are correct, one day it will get better. I believe for myself that you can have influence on how soon you will get through this. If you are willing to work at it by reading books on grief and work on the suggestions given to get through it, you will get through it sooner rather than later. IF you just lay around and wait for it to happen it will take longer. I know it is hard to get out of bed in the morning, everything you described I remember going through myself. For the first 4 months after Karen died I couldn't get myself moving enough to even get to work on time, I was late almost every day, I am thankful for a company where they let me do that without letting me go. Jsut keep coming back here and posting and work through this grief and things will get better, just remember that it is an onging process, as time goes on you will take steps backward and it will seem like you aren't going anywhere, but what I have found is after taking those steps backwards it seems like the forward steps take less time and before I know it I have grown past the place I was when I went backwards.

Love always

Derek

[Gail_R]

Derek..You are so right. The day's that I get myself up and going that day is a much better day then the day's that I just don't get myself going. The good day's are getting to be more of them with Bruce being gone a year already..that I have a hard time believing..but when I have a bad day it is one hell of a bad day. I don't care how long our loved ones are gone there will always be a few bad day's. Dawn like Derek said come and post as much as you need too and we will be here to help you through this. Gail

[kayc]

Dawn,

Oh yes, we've felt like that! I used to envy those who had enough money where they didn't have to go to work, they could stay home and grieve and give in to their feelings. I HAD to go to work, I didn't have a penny to spare, and I couldn't afford to lose my job...I was fortunate to get two weeks off to "take care of things". But the grieving had hardly begun, and whether I went to work or not, I still had to come home to an empty house and more demands on me than I felt I could muster. What you are describing sounds like situational depression and anxiety, feeling overwhelmed and not caring...how well each of us knows that. Yes, it gets better with time, but as Derek said, it takes effort and work on our part to get through this, it doesn't just magically happen and certainly not overnight. We have to force ourselves to keep going when we don't want to and don't see the point. We do this because we have others to live for, children, siblings, parents, friends, someone. We do this because we still have the gift of life, whether we want it or not, and it is a precious gift whether we recognize it or not. We do this because we have faith and hope that it will eventually get better. We recognize it will not be the same as it was before, but better than it has been. Hang in there and keep letting your feelings out, we're here and we're listening.

[DoubleJo]

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just sit down and say- Yeah, this is a lot. Let it flow in you and out of you by acknowledging the reality of it all. Then break this messy pile of stuff into one thing at a time to do. When you take care of one thing and its finished, you'll still feel overwhlemed. Then you do the second, and still feel overwhelmed. Then you'll go for the next thing to take care of and realize there's only one thing left, or the're all done.

And remember this slogan: What you can't do today you will be able to do tomorrow.

Take care- DoubleJo