Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost?

[MikeyW]

Dear Maylissa,

Thank you for your comforting response. Before I forget, both our Randolphs look like the cat on the right side of your photo. Also, I really like what you have printed on the bottom of your message, "I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I will stop missing you." On petloss.com in the grief section, someone wrote somewhere along the line that our loved ones left us because God wanted them or needed them more than we do. While that's a beautiful thought that may be somewhat calming, I would still like to have a pair of boxing gloves!!!

You make a lot of sense. Thank you for answering the part about if animals remember their loved ones, and if so, for how long. I have a cute pillow I bought a few years ago that says, "Dear God, WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!" It pictures a cartoon of a little boy tucked in bed with 2 rabbits, a teddy bear, and a kitten. All have big smiles. Yep, we're all in this together, here on planet Earth. It's nice when you can find comfort when you are with the ones you love, because, as we all know, life is a crapshoot. It really stinks when you end up with crap, no matter who shoots! Nice people desreve nice things. Too bad life isn't as fair as it should be.

Here's two questions for you (or anyone else for that matter):

1. A few years ago, Muggsy, who was also a loving doll, like Pumpkin, was sitting om my mother-in-law's lap. I told Mom to smile. I took 3 photos. Each time I said "smile" or "cheese" Muggsy spoke! We couldn't believe it! Could she have been reincarnated or what?

2. In about June of 2004, when Randolph I was very ill, I had the movie camera and was shooting him and Pumpkin as they lay in bed. Pumpkin had been with us only maybe a couple of months. I said, "Kiss Randolph, kiss Randolph!" She did! This happened a few times. Again I was amazed. Can you or your animal communicator explain these happenings? Did they understand words, the tone in my voice, were they reincarnated from people, or what?

-Mike

[Maylissa]

Well, Mike, you're very lucky to have not one, but TWO, gloriously grey cats! The one on the right of my avatar is my beloved Nissa, my feline daughter, who returned to spirit 1.5 years ago and for whom I'm still grieving.

I actually despise that cliche about God needing them more than us. God needs nothing, as our Source IS already EVERYTHING, without any lack. How could something that is already ALL THERE IS possibly be wanting for anything? It's US who feel/think we need (things). Most cliches are just stupid and contrived out of thin air, in my opinion.

Had to laugh at your sarcasm:

"...because, as we all know, life is a crapshoot. It really stinks when you end up with crap, no matter who shoots!" Good one! I love sarcasm. And no, life here isn't fair. It's terribly challenging, and I, for one, would like a good, long rest from it all.

Re: your questions...this is my take on them:

1.) I'm not sure if this relates to reincarnation as much as it might to Mugsy just being as bright as she was, and wanting to let you know in no uncertain terms that she understood what you wanted from her, so she complied. Or maybe she just liked being photographed!

2.) ANY or all of those possibilities could be the right answer. However, from my experiences with my own kidlets, AND from countless stories I've heard from others, I believe in my soul that animals understand what we're saying, even if they're not so much listening to the exact words, as they are receiving a combination of mental images and feelings from us which forms a whole concept to them. THOSE, (images, feelings, and likely even more senses we humans are dumb to) they not only understand completely (this is really what telepathy is all about) but is how I and many others believe they communicate naturally with the world around them all the time. They don't have a written language, per se, but a fuller, richer and more innate and complex way of receiving information.

For example, on even a strictly physical level, did you know that when birds sing, there are actually FAR more notes that are being sung for every ONE that we humans actually hear? Our human (deficient) ears simply can't pick them all up. Any one bird is singing a virtual symphony and we're totally deaf to most of it! What else are we missing out on then? Think about the countless animals who have far superior eyesight, strength in proportion to body size, agility, speed, hearing, stamina, etc., etc. Humans are pretty pathetic by comparison, in many, many ways.

For another, more-to-the-point example, when you are receiving information telepathically from another (be it an animal or another human), you're connecting to their Higher Self (some equate this to the Soul level) and you can receive information in all manner of ways, such as feeling specific physical sensations in your own, coresponding body parts (such as if the other being has pain or discomfort somewhere); you might hear their thoughts in your own head; you might see pictures in your mind's eye; you might even experience an absolute "knowingness" about something, that defies explanation or description in words.....all sorts of ways, not necessarily connected to human language. You simply come to know and trust, with practice, that what you've received is true when that information is validated in some way, such as if you're communicating with someone else's animal, they 'tell' you something you couldn't have possibly known (because you don't even know this animal or anything about their life), and their guardian confirms the information as accurate. I've done it myself many, many times, and so have many other ordinary people, many of whom don't even realize how much they've done it until they learn more about it. (they just didn't trust what they received)

I believe we are all connected, all part of the same Oneness, or Whole, and so of COURSE we can communicate with all our other 'parts.' They're already part of us! Believe in this, and you're already more than half-way there. It just takes practice to remember how to do this. Ancient races, our own Native American brothers, and others, had done this for centuries, and worked with the animals in many ways. 'Modern' man just didn't believe in it and so it became a lost form of a quite natural form of communication, or as I prefer to think of it, communion, because it transcends mere words.

So in my opinion, your feline partners were trying to demonstrate to you what you've been missing out on. If you stay open to these kinds of things, you might be pleasantly surprised at what they will gladly and willingly teach you!

Edited March 3, 2008 by Maylissa

[MikeyW]

Dear Maylissa,

I'm glad you liked my wisdom about life being a crapshoot. It is. There's no formula to good health, a long life, etc. Look at how many people who lead a clean life die young, and people who drink and smoke live to 100. Also, when you're careful and dot your Is and cross your Ts, and sometimes you still lose, although you shouldn't. That's why I get so frustrated. Just like we love our pets and they die young and some stupid moron ties his dog up outside, doesn't give a damn aboutit, and it lives to 20. That's unfair, too.

I agree that a lot of cliches don't work. My feeling is that people come up with them to try to make them or us feel better after a loss or something doesn't go right. Just like when you get dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The famous line, "There's more fish in the sea." I always add, "Yeah, but it's not the same tuna!"

I also agree that in many ways animals are superior to people - hearing, smelling, common sense. I think we're really the pets and they're the masters. We feel guilty waking them up because they're so adorable when sleeping. We certainly know it's not from a hard day at work!!! Anything they want to teach me is fine. We can always learn new things.

I don't recall if I've ever had telepathy with animals or people. I do know that sometimes I had what seems like deja vu, although I didn't recall being at a certain place, sometimes it seems that I was there sometime in the past.

Reincarnation from another life? Who knows?

-Mike

[MikeyW]

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm glad you're feeling better. As we all know, there's nothing like good health. Those fish are something else! Happy little creatures, aren't they?

I have hair from our beloved cats and will put them into a plush toy calico doll when I find an appropriate one. I'll then keep it in my office, since I'm there the most. Hopefully that will help ease the pain a bit.

Between Muggsy and Pumpkin, I NEVER realized cats could be nearly as loving as dogs. I was wrong. But, at a terrible time like this, I wish I was right. Love is great when they're with us and torture when they're not.

-Mike

Dear Maylissa,

I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how long or short we have our loved ones, it's never long enough. Everything you said makes sense. Let's hope the next world is kinder, gentler, more loving, and that we'll permanently be with all our human and pet loved ones. I'll look at the urns. Thank you for the lead.

-Mike

Dear SoHard2LetGo,

I'm sorry for your losses, too. Nobody escapes this terrible pain. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated as well, as you also make a lot of sense. I know that as the years go by and the pain lessens, we will get more cats. I especially want a couple of calicos that are lap cats. Pumpkin was such a lover!!!! So sweet and innocent and she loved everybody-humans and cats. When I die, I pray heaven is all it's cracked up to be because her loss has left the biggest hole in my heart and soul. She was a saint down here, and now I guess she's a bigger one up there. I guess it's true, that losing children is worse than losing parents. Especially when they do trust us to care for them.

We did, but it didn't help much.

-Mike

[MikeyW]

We have a closed in garage at our house. Today I took the box containing the urns of Randolph I, Muggsy, Princess, and Pumpkin, and put it on a shelf out of sight (BUT NEVER OUT OF MY HEART, SOUL, AND MIND)!!! Every time I'd walk in the garage I'd see that damned box! All of them should still be with us in the flesh so they could be hugged and kissed!!! Maybe this will help some.

A few years ago I read that one way to try to heal grief is to write about it. That's how "Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost?" came about. Some days are okay, but some like today are not. I'm writing a book about the renovation of Yankee Stadium from 1973-1975, as I'm keeping busy, and enjoy writing. I took over 200 photos in 13 trips to the Stadium. There are no books on it, so I'll write one. It's a long way to go. And, it's much more joyous than writing about grief.

I only hope for all our sakes that Rainbow Bridge IS TRUE and not made up to try to make people feel better. I know I'll never feel whole or completely joyous until these houes in my heart, mind, and soul are healed by rejoining my human loved ones and furry babies. No, it is NOT better to have loved and lost. The pain is too great to bear. It scars us for life. There are days we still enjoy life and laugh. But, deep down, there is a tempered part of our soul that knows that no matter how happy we can be, our loved ones are not here. Our lives and joys are incomplete. My apologies for this reply being a downer. Thank God for the days when our lives are uppers.

-Mike W.

[MikeyW]

Tonight we went to dinner at our friends' home. This is the first time we were there. I couldn't believe it, but they have a calico cat that probably looks about 90% like Pumpkin!!! Needless to say, I was drawn to it, and spent quite a bit of time petting her. I also put her on my lap,and she happily stayed there and let me pet her. Words cannot say how wonderful it felt!!!

Naturally, I kissed her and pet her the way I pet Pumpkin, although she did not respond in the same way. For instance, Pumpkin loved when I stroked her with both hands from her nose to her ears. This cat didn't mind it, but the response was not the same. Yet, petting her was such a treat. Much of the heaviness in my heart left me. It's amazing how a look alike can help you out.

-Mikey W.

[Elizabeth A.]

That's great Mike. Maybe you should make a regular thing of it. Every few weeks or so.

Take Care~

[MikeyW]

Thank you, Elizabeth. You, too.

-Mike

[kayc]

Mikey,

I agree that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...that doesn't mean you're wrong, it's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

There is much suffering in this life, and part of it is the pain of having lost someone we love...whether it be a beloved person, cat, dog or other. We were enriched by their very existence, and to the degree in which they made their way into our heart, we miss them when they are gone. My regret is not that I knew them, but rather that they suffered, that we didn't get more time together, etc.

In the summer of 2006 I lost my "King George"...he was already named when I got him at the age of six, and we added the "King" part to it because he had the healthiest ego I have ever seen, and he ruled the roost. When I married my (husband) George, it made it easier to distinguish between the two...one was King George, and one was just George, and they each knew which was which. (Try living in a household where your husband and cat both have the same name! It makes for some funny occurrances, I can assure you!) King George suffered much at the end of his life, at the ripe old age of 19, but he had quality of life nonetheless. He loved being held, and we catered to his every whim, especially at the end when he had lost so much weight...we chopped up bacon, chicken, gave him tuna, anything he desired to eat. He loved laying on the porch swing on the patio and catching the sunshine...and he loved any attention sent his way. To say I wish I'd never known him would be to relegate all that we shared to nothing, which I could never do. I DO, however, wish I'd had him put to sleep a month sooner so he could have avoided the worst of his suffering, and I would have done so had he been properly diagnosed sooner.

No, rather than wish I'd never known him, I look forward to seeing him again, right now he is being held by his other master, George, in heaven, where they both await me.

[MikeyW]

Dear kayc,

I cannot disagree with anything you said. And, you put it so beautifully. What kills me in our case is that 3 out of 4 cats were so young - only 3 or 4 years old. I think that's the hardest part of all. And, their innocence.

I also look forward to being with my beloved human and pet family members. Then, life will be complete again - for those in heaven - not for those grieving here. It seems like damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Thank you for your wonderful thoughts.

-Mikey

[Elizabeth A.]

Mikey it's good to see your name here. I feel a little trapped in my own corner of life as well. Completely darned if you do and darned if you don't and trust me it isn't darned that I feel. I am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps, this causes a problem if only because I don't wear boots. Today there is quiet, and tomorrow there will be to, if only because I need to enforce it. I feel the push to move on, but that's seeming to be extremely hard.

I am sick and tired of explaining why I get to mourn too. Why I am allowed to feel... That's it right there. I'm tried of explaining WHY I FEEL the WAY I FEEL.

I suppose I feel enough hurt, worried, and agrivated that I should stop here. Nothing I seem to be trying to type comes out making any sense anyway. I hope your days are full of sunshine, or at least not bogged in with snow. TTFN

[MikeyW]

Dear Elizabeth,

We're doing better. There's no need to explain anything to anybody because it doesn't affect them, since their loved one hasn't died. Love is love is love- whether a person or a pet. The feelings are the same. The pain is the same.

My Dad died on Christmas Day of 2005. Yet, I still miss the cats more than Dad. That may sound crazy, but I think I know why. Dad was WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!

You couldn't ask for a better father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad had all the love, wisdom, kindness, and all the wonderful, admirable qualities a parent should have. My guess is that I don't miss him as much as perhaps I should is that I constantly told him how much I loved him and why. I did so with letters, on the phone, e-mail, and in person. It was a two-way street with us. He also had lots of health problems for many years and died of a heart attack. He had heart problems, diabetes, and lots of other things.

Our cats are our kids. They're much more helpless in many ways than we humans are. We are their caregivers and nurturers. We feel terrible and guilty when taking them to the vet, even just for shots. I know I don't have to explain this to you.

Yes, I miss Dad and would LOVE to still have him here. I guess it's that we as humans take on the responsibility of caring for our pets. We want the best for them because we love them. They can't write letters or make phone calls. They can communicate with us, but not nearly the way people can. While we feel helpless when a human is ill &/or dies, it somehow seems worse with a pet because we really are their parents - they're just not in a human life form. They're younger, more innocent, more vulnerable, and they tend to melt our hearts more than many humans because they can't communicate to the same extent as us, and their love seems to be much more true because they don't have an agenda or conditions.

-Mikey

[Elizabeth A.]

Thanks Mike, I guess I'm just stuck in a funk, at least I'm sure that's what I would be told. Strangely I don't even feel welcome here anymore, and have been trying my darnest to branch out as I have been roughly encouraged to do. I know it's hard to be supportive of other's when we ourselves are hurting, but it's like I'm standing outside a bullet proof window screaming I have losses too, I feel the pain that leaves me so drained all I can do is hang my arms and cry or when the tears seem dried up and all I can do is sit.

Events happening around me are like sand in a flesh wound and I just want to scream out in agony. But you know, I don't scream, if I so much as let out a mere echo of what I'm feeling family walks on eggshells with me for weeks Which of course makes me want to scream all that much louder.

For me it isn't just about the losses of Samantha, Herbie, Momma Cat and KitTin, it's the losses of my friends and seemingly long gone family memebers. It's the fact that everytime the phone rings someone is dead or dying, or simply struggling for life. I wonder if I have ever allowed myself to grieve, and perhaps that is why I hurt so. At least I can stay busy, my brain will allow me to stay focused enough for that. This world that we live in is so mean and painful. Why do we choose to live these way? If I continue further on that strain I will complain about governments, choices and laws, and I don't want to do that here, or now, or ever. So there we have it, stick thy chin in thine air and move along.

[MikeyW]

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm sorry things are not going well. I can suggest these things:

If everyone is waling on eggshells, maybe you should go away by yourself for a weekend and do something different for yourself, like go to a zoo or a tourist spot - just for a change. And, maybe you can also grieve at the hotel room at night in order to cleanse your soul. Maybe you've been keeping everything inside, where it only festers. A change of scenery can do wonders!

Also, we still have Camille and Randolph II to love and entertain us. That no doubt helps us. Maybe getting another pet or two would help, as well. I visited the animal shelter a few weeks ago to test myself. I thought I'd cry, but I didn't. When I did cry I'd do it when Carolyn wasn't around so she couldn't see or hear me. I haven't cried in a few weeks, although my heart does get heavy , especially when I go into the garage where the 4 urns of our babies are. I hate the garage!!!!!!!!!! Also, because there's so much junk in there.

All I can say is that if you don't cleanse the pain from your body, you and everyone else will be miserable. I say prayers for the departed. Does it help?

I don't know. But what else can we do?

Love,

Mikey

[Elizabeth A.]

Thank you for your kind words Mike, I'm taking it one day at a time and facing forward. Since I am handicapped another pet is really not an option right now. As even with dh's help we seem to struggle properly taking care of the ones we have. I just have to love and care for the animals I have, and trust me I am very thankful to have them to light my days.

[Drago's mommy]

I have been reading everyone's stories and my heart goes out to each and every one of you who have lost your lil buddies. I have just lost my 12 year old Siberian Husky Drago this week and I was unprepared for just how intense the grief and sorrow was going to be. He was as much a part of this family as any of us 5 humans and my heart is shattered into a million pieces. The guilt of all the times I coulda shoulda spent time with him and didn't is eating away at those broken pieces. The end came too quick and if I had known just how sick my sweeet boy was I would have done anything and everything I could to make him feel better. Although the last time I checked I didn't have the cure for cancer. I should have had the senior blood work done a year ago but because of $$ concerns and the fact that he seemed fine and was still running with my husband we didn't. He seemed healthy other than the obvious signs of aging up until February. We treated what we thought was a bad UTI for a month and a half with meds and a special diet. The last week I was taking him into the vet to get fluids through an IV and truly believed this treatment was going to help. We found out Tuesday through some other testing that he had bladder cancer and one of his kidneys had died and the other was sick. He also had lung cancer (???). We brought him home on Tuesday night to say goodbye to all of us. WHat a terrible night and Wednesday morning was like a bad dream. We took him to the vets office and after tearfully pleading with our vet to fix him no matter what the cost we knew we had to go through with it. Thankfully-he still had the cathather in his arm from the fluids so she didn't have to stick him. He died in my husband's arms with his mommy over his sweet head telling him it was ok and kissing his snout over and over. I'm pretty sure Drago took a piece of my heart with him. I'm thankful he had a peaceful pain free passing but the pain of watching my baby take his last breaths is haunting me in a cruel way. The last few minutes keep playing in my head like a sick joke-a horror movie. I miss him so much and I hope this pain eases sooner rather than later. We should get his ashes back on Monday and I have created a memorial to him with pictures in our dining room so we have a place to go to think about him and remember all the silly loving time we had with him. Monday is going to put us right back into our grief but I am hoping that bringing him home will help to give us closer. Any of you that read this--thank you for taking your time to do so. Please forgive any errors in spelling or grammer because I am a total wreck right now and am just trying to relieve some of this pain. We are all grieving or we wouldn't be on this site so my prayers are with you.

[MikeyW]

Dear Drago's Mommy,

I don't know what to say. Words seem useless at such a terrible time as this, and it's so easy to be self absorbed in this pain. That's why lots of times I wish I never had pets. The heartache is a killer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can tell you that the pain lessens over time, but is still there. I wish we had our cats the time you had Drago. We wouldn't be suffering if that was the case. No matter how old or young a pet or human lives, the pain is excruciating when they leave us. All we can do is hope heaven is what it's cracked up to be and that we will ALL be reunited and whole again when we leave.

Go to petloss.com It's very much like this site. It may help. It may not.

I have hair from our cats. Big whooppee! It doesn't replace the flesh and holding them. I bought a toy cat that meows when you touch it from Target for about $12.00 at Target a few months ago. I put ashes from our cats in small plastic bags the size that holds a housekey from a hardware store. I then put them in the cat and have it on the desk. Does it help? Yes and no. Probably not really in the end. When we are suffering like this, we don't know what to do. We try anything to try to fend off the insanity from the intense pain.

We all feel guilt for what we did or didn't do. What we did do is LOVE our babies. That we know. I also have DVDs made of the cats and watch them once in a while. sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. The bottom line is that we know we miss them dearly and wish they were with us in the flesh.

We have ashes, too. I hate the damn garage because that's where we keep their ashes. so, our cats are still living with us. Yeah, right! Whooppee doo again! There's no way to win. All we can do is try to fight the demons of guilt and pain. We've all played everything in our heads and hearts a million times. It always ends up the same way. I can tell you I cry a lot less, but the emptiness in my heart is still there.

Maybe getting another dog that resembles Drago about 100% would help. Our cat, Randolph II, resembles Randolph I close to 100% physically. There are always differences in behavior. But, that has helped. Yes, I miss Randolph, but miss him less because of our current "clone." I picked her from the animal shelter because of the great resemblance. Even if she was the cat from Hell I would have done so to try to ease the pain. Even though she's a girl I named her "Randolph" to fend off the pain. We do whatever we can to try to ease the pain.

Good luck to you. We all need it.

Love,

Mikey

[Drago's mommy]

Hey Mikey,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I too lost my kitty Tom some years ago to feline leukima. This was 17 years ago and I still think of him all the time usually followed by a giggle because he was quite the character!!

Drago was like my special needs child. Gosh I just miss him so much. I can't even get in my car without crying or thinking of him because his beatiful blue eyes are not looking back at me. It's amazing how connected we get to our pets--they keep all your secrets--they tell noone of your bad habits--they don't care if you brush your hair or if you need a shower. They just love you for who you are with no judgements. You can't say that about any human.

My vets office made a paw print of Drago's paw and mailed it to us. It was really sweet of them to do that and I will cherish it but I wish I had known that was coming. I put it with the collection of pictures I had of him. I don't know what I'm going to do with his ashes and this memorial I have made yet. For now it will stay in my dining room.

IT will be some time before I'm ready to open my heart to another dog. Unfortunatly, my husband is highly allergic to cats so although I am a "cat person" I can't have one. I love on my mother in laws kitties when we go over and get my fix. My husband loves cats and always pays for it when he caves and loves on them.

We will all heal in time I know, it just hurts so much. It is true that although they bring us so much love, happiness, smiles and laughter they are little heartbreaks waiting to happen.

Take care and thank you for being so compassionate to all of us on this site.

[MikeyW]

Ther'a a lot of wonderful folks on this site. I guess time is the best thing - or only thing that can do any healing. It's never completely healed. It remains painfil. The sharpness remains, but gets a bit duller as time goes on. Sounds like your vets has a kind heart.

-Mikey

[Elizabeth A.]

Drago's Mommy~ I'm saddened to think of the loss of your sweet dog. I'm sure those blue eye's that always made him seem more human haunt you. It sounds to me like he didn't suffer much for his pain and cancer. You said that he was still jogging with his daddy in Feb. and that's great. I'm sure that does make you feel the pain in your heart squeeze that much harder.

Pet owners don't have all the money in the world. We buy the best food we can afford (that they will agree to eat) we buy them toys and treats whenever we can. We're there for them, just like they are there for us. You're sorry you didn't have those tests done. But look at it this way. If you had those test results a year ago, the joy of your love for Drago would have been clouded with your worry and that is painful too. Instead you were able to live blissfully happy together this past year.

If I knew a loved one of mine was going to pass on next week I wouldn't want them out of my sight, I wouldn't want them out of my arms. Not to protect them from death, but to wrap my heart with all the love and joy they give me. But we don't get to know the end. We don't get to see ahead what our final days will be like. So we live each day the best we can. I'm sure it was good for Drago's heart to have his mommy and daddy happy. You filled his life with love and happiness, and he did the say for you. Nothing more can be asked of anyone. We're not perfect people and our pets love us not only inspite of our flaws, but because of them.

Mikey~ I've been thinking about your trouble with your kitties in the garage. First they were in the closet and then you cleaned it out and got the stuffed version of Pumpkin and moved the ashes to the garage. Now I of course don't know just how they are, in Urns or whatever. But maybe it's time to give them their due and bring your kitties not only back into your home but in a place of view. Perhaps on a favorite perch, window or bookshelf. Some place they will be protected and you will see them everyday, that they will be safe and protected. I'm sure you didn't have your dear sweet cats cremated to hate where their ashes are. It isn't about causing you pain everytime you think of or go near an area. Truly I think that with time it would hurt less and less to be near their ashes. Because you could look up where they are and think I know my darlings are looking after me and watching out for me, loving me just like always only this time from a distance.

Peace, for us all...

[Drago's mommy]

Ms. Elizabeth,

Thank you for being so kind. You seem to have a good loving heart and I have a feeling I'm not the only person to think so! I can't help but feel guilty but the guilt is overpowered by the love,laughs,goofiness, and headaches (haha) Drago gave me. He was a sweet soul.

I agree with the advice you gave Mikey. It's hard to see a better way when you are in sorrowful despair and grief. I made a memorial to Drago and took all the pics I have of him and put some into frames and the rest into a photo album. I have everything--his pics, his ashes, his name tag, his papers, his paw print all together in my dining room so that my family and I have a place to go and think about him or cry or whatever. I don't know how long I will leave it there--I guess as long as it takes.

I cannot replace Drago and I wouldn't even try. I hope to be able to open my heart to another husky at some time but right now it is just too painful. I have decided to get a husky from a rescue group instead of a breeder though. So many huskies are abused/discarded because they can be very high maintaince and super naughty. One day.

This site has helped me so much and I just want to thank you and MIkey for the support. It has made this last week a little less dark.

[Elizabeth A.]

I'm glad a ray of sunshine abeit small could make it into your life. That's what this site is here for. I think clustering Drago's things together for your family is a very thoughtful thing to have done. That will allow you to jingle his collar when you can't stand the silence in the house. Or to touch his sweet paw print. I'm sure it would have been less of a shock to know that was coming, but at least you have it all the same. It was a sweet thing for your vet to think to do for you.

I know all about naughty pets. A story for another time, I suppose. I think going with a rescue is a great idea. If you feel the time or need, you can always give a little of your time to helping your local rescue, perhaps when you feel able you could borrow a husky from them for a good cuddle, or for your husband to take jogging. I know places like that need all the help they can get, even if your taking away as much doggie love as you give.

[Drago's mommy]

I think that being a foster home for a husky in limbo is a beautiful idea and I have given it some thought in the past few days. I just don't know how easy it would be to give it up even to a great home if I were to get attatched. I still need some time so that my heart is available for such a task. Whether it to be a foster home or my very own lil husky. It has been a week today that he died and I'm still crying every day. Not all day mind you--but it just hurts. People have shyed away from me in the past few days because maybe they think I should be over it or at least no so emotional. They don't know what to say, so maybe they just think it's better to say nothing. That is why I am so thankful to this site. Whether it be cats or dogs the loss is real and it seems that only other people who have lost their buddies understand.

BTW--I am a cat lover!!!!!! I have had 2 cats in my life. Tom died 17 years ago of feline leukemia and it broke my heart. I had never even heard of it and was so mad that I could have prevented it with the immunization. I took him in as a stray and he was already an adult. He used to bring dead critters to me as "gifts". He would be so proud. I do laugh when I think of him because he was such a character. I also had a siamese/tabby mix for 18 years!!!!!!! She was a motor mouth and talked my ears off even in the shower. She would sit at the back of the shower and meow her hiney off!! She greeted me everyday and did a lil highstep prance as her showoff. Thankfully, she did not bring me dead critters haha. I can't have a cat now because my husband is HIGHLY allergic--poor baby. He loves cats but he can't touch or be in a room with one for very long.

I think of these two kitties now and smile and laugh. I still miss them but the pain isn't there--only laughs and smiles and good feelings. I hope it will be the same with Drago too. I know it will, it's just very very raw right now.

[Elizabeth A.]

Oh I didn't mean a foster home. I meant more like respite help. Where you could give an hour or so, just for a little interaction time. Though if you decided a while from now, weeks, months, years, to be foster home, you can talk to the rescue about placing only one dog with you, and/or only placing dogs that if you decided to keep the dog, you could.

I understand the push to move ahead, and trust me when the time is ready you will. But for now, it's about you and how you feel. I think perhaps people shy away because they don't have any idea how to help. Little do they know any push or lack there of that they give you will hurt just as much. Grief. There is an I in grief, not "them" or an "us". My grief is about me ="I", and your grief is about you = "I". I wonder if that made sense anywhere besides in my own head? It doesn't matter how well others know you, or knew your dog, companion, friend. It's all about how you feel about it. You can reach out and ask for help, like coming here, or simply saying I don't feel like cooking and making the Pizza man bring it. It's personal. Don't pay attention to the outside, look to the inside, to your heart. That is where you loved your Drago and where you loved your Tom, and your Siamese Lady cat. The love lives inside of us and therefore so does our grief.

Did you know cats bring you dead things because they thing you can't take care of yourself and need someone to take care of you? When I was little my cat Tigger left a live mouse in my rubber boot, talk about trying that one on for size. I sure glad it wasn't a snake.

[MartyT]

Dear One,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Drago, but pleased to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place. I hope you'll also pay a visit to my Grief Healing Web site, which offers additional information, comfort and support. See especially these pages and articles:

Articles ~ Columns ~ Books

Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much?

Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers

Pet Loss Articles