mamacat Posted August 27, 2004 Report Share Posted August 27, 2004 I’m asking for help. I can always handle my emotional stuff by myself but not now, I don’t know what to do I’m completely distraught. My dearest Rulin cat got sick and I had to put her down last Wed am. She died close to her birthday she would have been 7 years old. This extraordinary sweet and evolved soul left me much too soon. I apologize for this long post.Seven years ago 8 baby cats were left in our yard, I bottle fed them, found homes for 5 and kept 3. Rulin was sneezing when she came to us and always had a problem with her sinuses.She grew into a beautiful 7 1/2 lb girl , She was so very special , very beautiful with a little pink nose, dark gray with white flame on her face, white collar and boots. She would greet all guests. She loved to play, could always find toys hidden under things, loved to watch the birds out the window loved to have her belly rubbed. She was smart and although the smallest of my cats the bravest and an incredible jumper.She was totally loving to everybody. Very psychically aware, and sensitive, a real healer. When I had an accident she spent weeks sitting on my chest healing me as I was convalescing . She sometimes had problems with her nose and I cared for her, which made our bond even closer. She would lick my nose to tell me she loved me. She always gave a little vocal acknowledgment of the slightest interaction and was totally communicative and open. She would scratch at the bathroom door so I could groom her she was meticulous, then I would hold her while looking out the window it was our special time, sometimes I would do reiki on her then and she would go into the meditation with me. I love her deeply and completely and I believe she returned my love. I love my other cats but I was closest to her.Now I am trying to deal with grief at her loss, guilt , and feeling terrible that I caused her suffering at the end by her treatments. The last two months were very busy for me and my husband as we were handling a very big work load and deadline. During this time I did not pay as much attention to Rulin as I usually do. Oh if I could relive those months! She developed chest sounds, I brought her to the vet and he discovered a slight heart murmur, narrowing of the trachea and chest congestion, and gave her medication. That's when it started. The medication was bitter and she hated it. The bonds of trust that we always had began to be broken as I became a menace to her forcing this bitter stuff down her throat. It only worsened later when she could no longer eat or drink and on the vets advice I tried unsuccessfully to force food . In five days I took her to several vets who all told me how good she looked and to continue force feeding her, she had not been able to eat drink or defecate, that didn’t seem to bother the vets. She was getting worse I finally took her into the hospital just to get her to eat, be hydrated and get enemas. They put her in intensive care for three days then I took her home with a feeding tube in her nose and advice to put her down.During this time she had a battery of blood tests, ex-ray, and ultrasound. Everything came back negative or inclusive except her white blood cells were dropping finally to the point where she had no immune system left. I would not let her have a bone marrow test because she was too weak . The first day home I was so happy I could feed her through the tube without stressing her and she had a bowel movement on her own. That night we had to put her down. I waited until she could no longer focus her eyes and her breathing was rapid. She suffered during those last two weeks, I was holding out for any hope to save her. I’m trying to make sense of this. Obviously what was done to care for her was unsuccessful and stressed her. It seemed everyone had an agenda. Mine was I love her I want her to live, If I’m a good mommy I can save her and she’ll live a long life. Two of the doctors were defending their opposing philosophies, After she had been given the death sentence and I brought her in to have euthanasia the Dr. told me how good she looked and we should try some more! We ended up putting her down later that night.I need to know what I did wrong I know I should have paid more attention to her when we were busy but the vets care was wrong also. I need to know how to do better. I’m so sorry the mistakes were made with that sweet soul. She deserved only the best. I know you probably can’t answer these questions for me but I need to talk about it, I need something because I’m not making it right now. Thank you so much for providing this service Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now