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Almost Made It Through The Weekend


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September 26th is the big day! The term 'celebration' would seem an odd thing to do, but in this case, we would most definitely have cause. I'm really hoping that the judge rules against him quickly and we can move on without this additional black cloud hanging over our family. I've used the phrase 'I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy' before. I'm pretty sure I haven't uttered the phrase since April 2nd, and for very good reason. I've got to run now. I have to leave at 5:00 am for a business trip for a few days. The kids will be with their grandparents. I'll try to keep up from the hotel. This is my first trip since the tragedy. I'm planning for a couple of rough nights, as I used to call her and talk at length before retiring for the night. Now, I'm sure it will be longer conversations with the kids. Take care all, and thanks so much to everyone for your support.

SD2

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When Karen died on April 6th I said the same thing, I would not wish this on anyone. My son turned 7 on June 6th of that year, the 2 month mark of her death, talk about a black cloud. He did very well for as young as he is. The birthday in September will be bitter sweet, it is several months away and you will have done some healing by then. Hang in there and have a safe trip

Derek

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Just because she'll be turning 18 doesn't let her bio dad off the hook for child support...it should run through college for 3-4 years...I know in divorce cases they make the parents continue to pay if the child is attending college, although it seems like it stops short of going long enough to get a degree...at least it should help, and living with the parent is not a requirement or issue. The almost adult child should be able to decide who they want to be with, they're old enough! He has been living for himself all this time, it's time for him to consider what's in HER best interest! More power to her!

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Morally, you are correct kayc. Unfortunately, the legal obligation for child support in our state stops in June, following her graduation from high school. Luckily, I am in a place financially where I can pay for MY daughters to both attend college. One word-Karma.

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I had a slightly similar problem. My children are from a previous marriage. Their biological mother has never given them the time of day and I've always had physical custody. But when we moved to Phoenix I did not realize that my ex mother in law lived here. She got wind of us being here and pitched a fit for "grandparent's rights" including wild charges that I had stolen the children from their (totally disinterested) mother. Somehow she forgot about the court order. Oh well.

In the end I was forced due to the bizarre grandparent's rights laws in this state to allow my son, who was still a minor at the time, to spend weekends with his grandmother once a month. I think, though, that they had forgotten what an unpleasant experience it can be to try to "bond" with a sullen 16 year old who does not want to be there. They saw him a few times and then gave up, with a parting shot that I had turned him against them. No need for me to manipulate him ... he was annoyed at the imposition as only a 16 year old can be.

Thus ended the relationship with my ex-monster-in-laws. These things have a way of working out sometimes. Your 17 year old can always choose to have ... accidents at Daddy's house ;-)

--Bob

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Bob,

Your point is very well taken. If somehow he 'wins', he will be the biggest loser of all. You take a 17 year-old girl who doesn't want to be with you, then force them to do so, and you've got a recipe for misery beyond belief...hey, maybe we're onto something here! She actually LOVES me and WANTS to be with me, yet she can turn my day upside down when she's mad at me! She might just be angry enough at him to take this as a personal challenge to exact payback for years of no calls, cards, gifts, or even acknowledgements. If there was some way to give out that kind of payback, without having her involved, I'd sign up in a second!!

Oh, the beauty of daydreaming! :rolleyes:

SD2

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Singledad,

I want you to remember, you but something in those girls that no one can take away, being their father. So no matter what he the sperm donator does, they will always know that you are their day, I feel I often say to much or cancel everyone's reponses, however I have to say this becaucs this is what I was think and feel. You are donig the best you can and no on can ask for anymore, so just know no matter what happens it is going to be ok. I pary you are enjoying your trip. and appauled you for being you. Keep your head up. Love Jackie as I love you all

Jackie

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Thanks Jackie. I know as bad as it is that I have lost the love of my life and my daughters have lost their mother, my life is better because of Julie, and I also now have the blessing of two daughters in addition to my two boys. Those blessings make me a very lucky man in that respect.

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SingleDad2,

The girl’s biological dad must me a very insensitive, uncaring individual to be putting those girls through this ordeal after losing their mom. If he were any kind of person, and truly wanted to be a part of their lives, he would not go this route. I have two sons that are mine from a previous marriage also. Their stepdad, my late husband, was more of a father to them than their biological dad. Six months ago, I saw how much my husband’s death hurt my sons. Mike played an important role in their lives and the love they had for him and he had for them, couldn’t be any stronger if he would have been their biological dad. He was only in our lives for 14 years, but in those 14 years, he earned that title “DAD” hands down.

You need to do what you feel in your heart is right. From reading your posts, it sounds like the girls know who they want as a father. Remember, whatever happens, you will always be their “DAD”. You’ve earned it and there nothing he can do to take that away.

Hang in there, as I have realized, even with the lost of my soulmate, between family and friends, we will get through this!

You and you’re family are in my thoughts and prayers,

Lynn

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There should be a tribute to the wonderful stepparents! My George was a wonderful stepfather, he never tried to take their dad's place as they were nearly raised when we married, but he loved them and somehow seemed to fill something in their lives they never had from anyone else. They miss him still and they will always remember him. My daughter was wiping tears away from her eyes after he died and said, "Now my (someday/future) kids will never know their grandpa George." My son was in the military and woke up crying over George...he wasn't accustomed to shedding tears and was really stunned and impacted by his death. Even now we reminisce about things we remember about him and love to share stories with a smile. He will never be forgotten and could never be loved any more than he is now if he were their own biological father. I tried to teach my kids when their dad remarried to give their stepmom a chance, that one can never have too many people to love or who love them. :)

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