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Last Tues. I drove up to my husband's place and discovered he had someone living with him. I took a couple of days off work to deal with this, it has been harder than you can imagine. I have not felt this bad since I lost George. He's on his last chance, and who knows what tomorrow will bring, I don't know that I can ever trust him or anyone again. I can't talk to people about it, I tried to a couple of people but they came down really hard on me for even wanting to save my marriage. I have two divorces behind me already and hate to have a third, but may not have a choice, I cannot accept this kind of behavior. I have done everything for him, been understanding and patient, I just feel so tired now. I have been sick for a month and it's getting worse, my lungs hurt so bad and I cough all the time. I'm going to the doctor in the morning. At least that's one thing I can say about George, he never would have cheated on me, and I know his heart is breaking for me even now. I guess I can't understand people. I just feel so tired. What's really sad is this bimbo got to live with him and I never did. Life just isn't fair, is it?

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Oh Kay ~ I simply cannot express how sorry I am to learn this awful news. You are such a dear and precious soul, and you don't deserve to be treated like this ~ not by anyone, not ever. I know you need time and space to sort this out, but please know that all of us are here for you. We know what's in your heart, we know how wonderful you are, and we love you so very much. For now, just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I'm so, so sorry . . .

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Oh Kay, this you did NOT need! I'm so sorry. I know you don't need my advice but you did say this kind of behavior is not acceptable to you, please heed your own gut feeling. You deserve kindness, compassion, honesty and you are such a good soul. Your body is telling you its time to take care of YOU! I know you will do much soul searching but for now let yourself feel better physically and you will be in a better place to make these kind of decisions. My heart hurts for you. The grief is hard enough. Please take care of yourself and heal. Deborah

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Kay,

I will never understand the behaviors of some people either. I know that you have been divorced before and don't want to consider it again. But I would difficulty staying with someone who is doing that. I know you will do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love always

Derek

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Dear Kay,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for this latest set-back! You are so right when you write that "Life just isn't fair, is it?"

I believe that your George's heart is breaking for you and so is mine and the hearts of many of your friends here.

You say that you "cannot accept this kind of behaviour" and you should not have to. I expect that you probably know what George would want for you – good health and happiness!

Please take care of yourself – you are a strong person and I know that you can overcome this detour on your road to recovery.

((((Kay))))

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Kay,

As I sit here with tears in my eyes I don't know which is worse. Is it that my heart is breaking so much for you or is it that I am so pissed beyond belief that he did this to you. You do not deserve this and the decision is entirely up to you on what to do but since this is a place of honesty here I will tell you he is damn lucky he is not anywhere near me right now !!! I am so sorry Kay and this family here is completely behind you 100% in whatever you decide to do. We love you so much and you deserve so much better !

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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My God, Kay....

Like everyone else around here you feel like a long-time and very close friend. I hate it when "awful" happens, especially to someone with your good heart. Who's to know why? I'm so sorry this happened, we all are and you have all our best hopes for you. I pray for good decisions on your part...I don't care about him. It just makes me livid...what gall!! Please do what your doctor says and try to take care of yourself. You do have wonderful things yet to happen for you....they will come. Please let us know how you're doing. Again, I'm mad and sorry.

Your friend, Karen :angry:

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KayC,

I was so sorry to hear about the problem you are facing. I am thinkiking of you my dear friend.

Peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here.

Love you Jack

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Kay,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with another problem in life and I know you might feel like it will never end, never go away but remember you are a very strong person and this is just another challenge in your life that you will jump through its obstacle it might not feel like it now but just what you have helped me with in the time I have known you these past 6 months I know you are strong and everyone else here knows that as well. Always know we are here with you in every challenge to back you up on whatever you decide. Best of luck to you and I will continue to keep you in my prayers for strength to get through this hard time.

Love,

Marlene

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Kay,

I am so so sorry to hear what your husband has done to you. You are such a sweet, kind and caring person. You certainly do not deserve or need to be going through yet another crisis. Please know that I too am here for you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Big Hugs & prayers, :wub:

Corinne

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KayC;

I was shocked and pained to read this post. I am glad you found this out now, and can take whatever measures you deem necessary to take care of yourself, rather than much later when things would be even harder to extricate yourself from.

There are a lot of bastards out there, but there are also good people. You already knew there were some problems going on here, but confirming your fears is not the way anyone wanted for you.

You had the bad luck of the draw before, but we keep walking down our roads, and turning corners. You have many corners to get to, many more chances to be happily surprised by what you may meet.

It isn't life that is unfair- it's the people we sadly meet in life that treat us unfairly. Get it out, cry, throw things, whatever you need to do.

Then let it go. In the calm that will follow you'll see your choices more clearly. There is nothing wrong with trying to save a marriage. Just don't do it because you feel "embarrassed" or a failure by having several divorces.

Lots of people have many divorces now adays. Do what is right for YOU.

I wish there was something I could do for you.

Your friend, DoubleJo

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KayC, it breaks my heart to know that you have been treated so poorly. You are such a good person and deserve so much better. I don't know, you would think that God has thrown enough at us all to bear and then comes another train wreck. Take care of yourself. You know well what stress can do to the body. When you have taken the time to think you'll will find the direction you need to take in this matter. You have worried about John's health, job situation...........now you have to put yourself first if the fool won't do it. Sorry, I'm so angry that he's hurt you.

Love and prayers going your way my friend.

Always Gene!

Always!

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Kay, my heart is breaking for you. I really feel sad to hear about this. You are in my thoughts and I pray that you will have the strength and courage to go through this. I want to send you this virtual (((HUG))) to let you know that you always have our love and support. Please hang in there Kay.

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Guest moparlicious

KayC,

I am so sorry you have to endure this pain.Just know, you have may friends and we are all here to support you. You are the most caring, warm, loving friend anyone can ask for. Do whats right for YOU. You deserve the best, because you are!!!!! I agree with you Wendy, " I want to kick the crap out of him and her".Misery loves company and anyone that can betray their wife and God like he is doing, will have to answer to one person,heaven help him, he is going to need it. I send you much love and comfort and I am here for you, for whatever you may need. Take care of you, continue to be the strong, amazing lady you are!!!! I love you bunches, Kim

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KayC,

It makes me furious when cheaters and manipulators trample all over the trust given them by kind, sweet souls like you who care about other people's problems even while you yourself are suffering. You are unbelievably generous to even think of giving him another chance!

Only you can decide whether your marriage is worth keeping, but I hope time and the Lord will lead you to a solution that will bring you some well-deserved happiness. Also remember - deep down, betrayers never change their ways.

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Kay, Wendy said it best to kick him around, sorry, it bothers me, I seen my mother go through that, its entirely unacceptable what he is doing, If i had a way, he would be very very sorry, once that trust is misused it difficult to trust again.

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Dearest Kay--

My heart hurts for you so much right now. You have been having a rough enough time as it is without this. How dare he do this to you! His actions are the shabbiest and most dishonorable of treatment. He is utterly unfit to be your husband. Doesn't he remember the part "forsake all others" in the marriage vows?

It is time for you to make a decision that is the best choice for you. I, and all the others here, can fuss and squall about this all we want, but ultimately, you have to be the one that lives with your decision. But I will say that this is not the action of a loving husband. And you deserve so much better in a man than this. Think about it. Divorce or toxic relationship? You choose.

I say these things not in judgment of you at all, and I hope you will not be angry with me for what I think of your husband. We love you here, and our messages to you are out of love and friendship and we have your best interest at heart. Please continue keep us posted, because either way you are in for a rough patch of road and will need all the support you can get.

All the best to you dear, and hang in there!

Margaret

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KayC...

I haven't posted in a very long time but remember when we were all freshly grieving on this site together. I just wanted to let you know that you are one of the rarest kind of people out there in the world and you deserve better than to be treated like this. Try hard as you can to put aside the "can I make this work" thoughts and know you have to stand up for what is right and what you deserve..THE BEST!

I sadly was also in a realtionship and had to end it for myself. I share that because after I did this, I have been going through a period of grieving very much like losing my husband..although it was the loss of what could have been with a new life with a new husband and family.

You are so very strong and always know all those that are here to support you.

Jenn

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Hi KayC,

I cannot begin to tell you how upset this makes me knowing that someone as wonderful as you has had something so deceitful happen in their life. I remember when my first husband cheated on me and I had been grieving the loss of my dad at the time. I don't remember what I wanted to do first, but I do remember getting out of the relationship because I knew that I would never be able to trust him again, and I was right because I recently found out (20+ yrs later) that he is in jail for grand theft. I will never understand why God took Gene from me and continues to let someone like my ex and so many like him continue to live and breath.

I know there is nothing I can do for you, but you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know God will give you the strength and courage to do whatever you need to do for YOU.

Stay strong. We are here for you...Lin :)

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Last Tues. I drove up to my husband's place and discovered he had someone living with him.

Aye-yi-yi ... Kay, I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. For what it's worth it wouldn't surprise me if you never can trust him again. I don't know how to even go about rebuilding trust in a situation like that. I have a relative whose husband was polecatting on her and he turned out to need psychiatric help and meds. He currently has his act together and the marriage is holding up. But you can't help but wonder if it isn't just a matter of time before he goes back to his old ways. It isn't just the damaged trust, but when you cross a boundary once it's much easier to cross it again.

Best,

--Bob

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Bob,

Yes, I realize that...as long as he understands this is his last chance. I've decided not to worry about it, just to take a day at a time, and what will be will be. I'm not going to spy on him or resort to anything else, I figure things get out in the open eventually, and if something comes to light, I'm outta here. At least I'll know I've given it my best.

One of the things I've been learning is you can't be responsible for someone else, can't make them love you, they may never appreciate you, you cannot always change circumstances, all we can really do is deal with our own responses and example. And of course, boundaries are so important, we have to convey them and uphold our boundaries. Mine has been established, I just hope he takes me seriously or he'll have a learnin'. I have to reach the point where I can forgive him totally...I wouldn't cheapen forgiveness by saying I've done so glibly...it is a arduous process at best and it has a beginning point, but it is a process that also takes time. Forgiveness doesn't come cheap...someone always pays a price for it. But I refuse to let anyone else change me to where I am embittered and full of resentment...therefore I will make the decision to forgive...regardless of the ultimate outcome.

I do appreciate all of your encouragement and support, I'm doing better. I won't say it doesn't hurt, flashes of memories and things come to surface unbidden from time to time, and I have to deal with the pain and then let it go and try to get past it. It's not particularly an experience I ever wanted.

Love to you all,

KayC

Edited by kayc
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KayC, my friend:

I remember you writing that your husband wanted a divorce. Given the other signals he gave you about how he felt it seems to me that you already gave him chances. I get the impression that he will live the way he wants as he has already been doing.

Yes, you should not let bitterness eat at you. That is just more punishment for you, not him. But people need to earn their forgivness, or else they are getting a tactic approval that what they are doing is okay.

You don't have to feel bitter because you tried, and without trying you are guaranteed to fail. Trying again takes strength and moral purpose, and only by reaching out can you find the right person or life. You should feel very proud about yourself.

We are all concerned for you, and hope that the handwriting on the wall either changes, or you find this to be the opening to a new and more supported life. Perhaps this is the opening you need to move on and turn that other corner to see what is waiting for you that is better.

DoubleJo

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