Never Ending

[rosanne]

KayC,

I am thinking of you, dear one and I am so sorry for what you are going through. Time will tell! You have to do what you feel. Know that you have friends here with big shoulders.

Edited June 17, 2008 by rosanne

[singledad2]

Kay,

Having been cheated on by both of our previous spouses, Julie and I both talked about how utterly devastating it was to place your trust in someone and have them break that trust. We had a saying--once a cheater, always a cheater. There may be some on this board who have strayed and redeemed themselves, but I'm guessing that the overwhelming majority of cheaters are the types of people who are always in search of 'the bigger, better deal'.

I know I'll never find another Julie and you will never find another George. However, that doesn't mean that you have to spend the rest of your life being married to the 'anti-George'. It sounds like this 'man' represents the opposite of what George stood for. You've been through more than most could ever deal with. You deserve better. Do what you need to do, and know that we will be here to support you through it all. Take care of yourself Kay.

SD2

[kayc]

singledad2,

I have enrolled in marriagebuilders.com and there is a vast amount of information to asssimlate. I do not agree with all of it, but there is a lot to make use of, it is one of the most vast and encompassing websites I have ever seen...Dr. Harley is the author of "His Needs, Her Needs", "Surviving an Affair", among others. Much of the help I have received has been realizing that my feelings are normal and typical in this situation, and what to expect...both in him, and in myself. They have let me know what the "wayward spouse" stages normally are, as well as the one who has been cheated on. We have had the added complication of her unwillingness to leave him alone. He has had to move and may have to change his phone number, which makes it difficult because he has his resume out so many places. I am praying he will get a job in this area, SOON! We are working on the marriage and I am doing all I can...however, I also realize that it is not up to me and I have to accept that what will be, will be, and that another person very much has a say-so in the outcome, and that is, my husband. I believe that the hand will play itself out, and in the end, our marriage will have been saved and will be better than it has been...or it will be gone and I will eventually adjust and have a peaceful life. Right now is one of the harder stages...it reminds me so much of the grieving process I have been through already with George. I have never experienced such excruciating pain in my entire life! Some people try to compare the loss of one's beloved to death with the loss of a perceived love to divorce...but it is hard to compare because the two losses affect you differently, although also similarly. My esteem was shattered, my trust, these things were not hit when I lost George...however, I know I will be all right, which I had not felt when I lost George...perhaps it is because I have already survived so much that I hadn't thought I could, that causes me to know that...I am stronger than I feel. The stress is taking a toll on my body...and on his. Little by little I am realizing each of the lies that were told to me and having to process and deal with them...little by little he is having to face what he put off all that time and having to deal with the reality of how much he has hurt me. That is a heavy burden for anyone to bear. I am not sure I am the more wounded of the two. For the rest of his life he has to live with what he has done...no easy task. It is made all the harder because he has no justification with which to console himself...I have been, in a nutshell, an absolutely superb wife, irreplaceable. I also realize that if he never realizes the full implications of what he has done or what he has lost (if he ultimately loses me), that is okay...for I know, and that is what is important. I DID tell him, however, that he cannot divorce me without first having lived with me! Most of all, it is imperative that one keep their humor intact...for when life seems the most humorless, that is when we need it the very most.

I appreciate all of your love and support...I realize that most hold no hope for us, and maybe they are right, but I want to try this one last time...and if it ends, I will have known I did my best...and let it go. I am not stupid, as some think, but I have been praying for God's direction and protection, and I believe with all my heart that He will not let me down...I will make it through this no matter what the outcome.

KayC

[dpodesta]

Kayc,

You are a strong woman who knows God and trusts in Him. If you feel that God is saying stay then so be it. I admire you in that you are trying to seek His will in this situation instead of adding to the statistics of divorce. Know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you no matter the outcome because I know that it will be in God's time and way.

Love always

Derek

[singledad2]

Kay,

We each have to do what we believe in our hearts is right for us. I cannot fault you for trying. My wish for you is that you find happiness--in whatever manner God decides to provide it.

Regardless of whether this man or some other man is THE man, you deserve to be happy and secure. Don't compromise that.

SD2

[fred]

Kay, You never cease to amaze me, if your husband doesn´t get his act together and pronto, he may never know how much he could have had. If anyone could save this marriage it would be you, I am glad you have had the time to think this through.

I think the difference between divorce and the kind of loss we have faced in grief is that in a divorce you have the opportunity to be angry at someone that can feel and respond to your wrath. Whether the ability to vent at someone relases any tension or not, at least you have the satisfication of letting them know how you feel. Keep up the great work and keep posting, you are a joy to all of us. Hugs!

[kayc]

Part 1 of my story with John...