My Sister Is Gone

[carol]

My sister died only a few weeks ago and I just want her back. Maybe that's selfish- She had been suffering for a couple of years now with a freaking genetic disorder that causes nerve damage and pain, but we just kept thinking she would get better. She was only 37 and left 3 sons, one of whom also has the disease, Porphyria. It seems so unfair and still unreal, and I've never felt so alone in my life. I just numb out and go about the day and then suddenly "wake up" and realize i'm doing laundry and she's dead.

[Guest ACEJAIGNA]

CAROL:

I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS FEELING HOW I AM FEELING, I WOULD NOT WISH THIS LOSS ON ANYONE. MY BROTHER DIED IN OCTOBER OF 02. HE WAS 28, IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK, E-MAIL, AND MAYBE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER THROUGH THIS.

[michelles]

Carol,

I am terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. It must be a terrible time in your life for you and your family. Your sister is in a better place now and no longer is dealing with pain of her disease. However you,her children and the rest of your family must deal with the pain of knowing she is no longer with you. I ,also, have a loss- a totally different one. I lost my daughter on May 18-preterm labor. I was 22 weeks and was diangnosed with an incompetent cervix. I was totally terrified and all alone when this happened (my husband got called into work) and I didn't know what to do. I don't know were I got the strength to call 911, while holding my precious baby in my arms, but I did. It did not look good, she was born alive but her hear rate dropped drastically. She only lived for 4 1/2 hours. They cleaned her up and gave her to me to hold. I held her in my arms, and watched her gasping every 2-3 minutes for breath. I felt like I was dying myself,my husband was also able to hold her before she died- so that gave us some comfort. They then took her up to NICU, and I went up to my room. At 8AM,the pediatrician came in and told me she had died at 6:37, and asked if I wanted them to bring her into me. God gave me the strength to bond with my baby,even though she was gone. I treasure the hours I held her, and hold onto my memories of her. I buried her with all of the other babies in the catholic cemetery by me, and I know she is watching over me every single day. That,however, does not stop the tears that fall every single day. We baptized her and name her Julianna Francesca.

Carol, remeber your sister and allow your tears to flow. For she is now in a better place and is no longer in pain. Please be strong ,if not for yourself-for her children. They have lost their mother, and they must be struggling just as much as you are. Just remember all of the good times you spent with her growing up together, and that will give you the strength to go on.

Email me anytime you want to vent out. I have found it is the best to talk to people, sometimes total stranges sympathize and understand better than anyone else. For me it is very much true.

Michelles

[mermangel0416]

hello carol~i cannot offer much in the way of comfort or solace. i do know that i have similar experiences...just when i think my life has made a turn toward normalcy, the image of my father in his last days (the one i have been trying to forget for 46 days now), the face of fear, of confusion, of suffering, comes back to me and it is as if it is happeing all over again. some mornings i still wake up and for a few moments i forget...

i don't know if it gets easier...but i do know that life goes on. and it's ok to smile or enjoy a sunset or the blue sky or the beauty in a long ago memory of days before your heart was broken.

you are in my thoughts. ~alice

[Guest Megan]

Carol,

I am so sad about your sister I lost my sister in a car accident. So it's different than your situation but I can try and comprehend. I feel like her death sucked me into the coldest darkest ocean water and has never let me go. I pray that you do not feel this way but please get help soon I know you probably don't feel like it but it really does help don't let death consume your life.