Desperate

[mlg]

My friend sent me this site the other night and when I looked at it, it was like seeing my biography since Jan 18,2008. Even though my husband didn't die as suddenly as Lily's and Sherry's it was still way too quickly (4 1/2 months). My emotions, forgetfullness, helplessness are all so similar to all of you it is spooky. I know what you mean about crying on the inside while putting on a good front for everyone. I often feel like the tears will come streaming down my face even though I'm trying to put on a happy face. I've gotten to the place when people ask how I'm doing my answer is usually, "I put one foot in front of the other and go". Sometimes I'm not exactly sure where I'm going but I'm so afraid if I tell people how I really feel they will all stop coming up and talking with me. They won't want the "cry baby" around.

I have a terrible time sleeping so maybe now I can at least get on here and type something and make myself feel better. Sometimes I go to the guest book from the funeral home we used and write a note to Tom which makes me feel better and I figure hardly anyone will ever see it.

I guess I've said enough for my first time, but thank you for making me feel a little more "normal.

Mary Linda

[Lily]

To all of you who wrote to me - thank you. I didn't want to get back on line because I think I was embarassed for having so exposed my hurt - and

I've gotten so used to people getting uncomfortable and either changing the

subject or being silent when I mention Rich's name or even just talking

about something, anything else....that I thought no one would respond and

that my last hope would be lost....but you did write to me and I can never

thank you enough for being there. Love, Lilly

[kayc]

Oh Lily, Don't ever be afraid to expose your hurt to us...if anyone understands, it's us! You expressed ALL of us when you wrote your piece.

Mary Linda, I am so glad someone sent you this link. You have found a wonderful caring group of people who are all going through the same things as you...having lost the most important person in the world to them, and trying to deal with it. We are all here for each other and want to be here for you too. I'm sorry that you have to be here at all, that you have this tremendous loss in your life, but we welcome you to this site.

KayC

[fred]

Lily and Mary Linda, First of all, do not be embarrassed to post because you are showing how much you hurt. We know. We all are suffering in so many ways and many of us have been for a long time. Grieving your spouse may be the most difficult thing you will ever have to endure, trying to hide it or minimize it will not make it any easier. We all know that the world outside this group often doesn´t understand us or what we are experiencing, in fact, they don´t want to understand. It is as strange and terrifying to them as it is to us and they do not have to go through it. Write as little or as much as you feel like, it helps. It helps not only you, but us as well; and more importantly, it helps each new person that finds their way here to know that they are not alone. You see Lily, you have already helped introduce Mary Linda to a safe place to write, to share her pain and to take comfort in knowing she can pop in at 3 a.m. and find someone willing to listen and to care. You all are loved here and together we will get through this. Hugs to all.

[JeanneC]

Hi Lily:

I can just about relate to you. I lost my husband Alex just about a month ago. Alex was in the hospital for five months after suffering a massive heart attack. He was unconscious for about 3 1/2 weeks. Started getting better and we almost thought that he would pull through. Then came the ups and downs of his illness. And then the worst of his illness. Most of Alex's and my families don't live that close to us. And I don't have any children. We have been married for 15 years and together for 20 years. So it was just me dealing with his illness. Going to the hospital every day for 5 months. Never missing a day. Alex does have a cousin and his wife who live just about 10 minutes from the hospital. During the five months that he was in the hospital, maybe they came 5 times. I sat there alone for hours with absolutely no support(except for other family and friends who would call) and an occasional visit. (I totally understand that people have their own lives to live.) Dealing with doctors and not understanding what they were saying. Mostly bad news. And to have to deal with that alone was just unbelievable. I was so stressed and whatever came out of my mouth was not always good. But most people understood, except for his cousin and wife. Imagine hearing that they did not want to call me or come to the hospital because they thought I was very combative. Who wouldn't be at a time like that. They never came over to my home to see if I needed anything. Of course during those early days when he was bad and afterwards there were people that totally surprised me. I have come to realize that the family and friends that I thought would be there were not and there were other friends and acquaintances that really came through for me.

I too have pets and they have been so comforting to me. They understand more of what is going on than most. You go about your normal everyday life and people think that everything is OK. It's hard for me sometimes to put a smile on after I either go out to dinner with a friend and then have to go home and know that Alex is not there.

I wish I can tell you that it will get easier with time, but I can only say that I just hope so, because this is so new to me. I think the best is to keep posting on here because people seem to be so nice and caring and everyone understands what we are going through.

Love and God Bless

Jeanne

[kayc]

Jeannie,

What a very difficult time that must have been for you! To be together for 20 years and then to be alone is bad enough, but you have truly been through it. You are right, there are people that we would think would be there for us that don't come through, and then there are the "nice surprises", the people who ARE there for us that we never could have anticipated! I, too, find one of my greatest comforts are my pets (and my "granddoggie").

I am glad you are able to express yourself because that is very important in letting out the "stuff" that needs to be gotten out...please post here as freely as you like, we are here to listen and care for each other!

Love,

KayC