My Son Donald

[brokenhearted]

I am new here but, i would like for you to know about me and my son Donald. On 10-03-03 Donald had a massive seizure in his sleep and went on to Heaven as a result, his birthday was to be the next day (10-04-03) the saddest days of my entire life. Donald was 6ft, blonde hair, blue eyes and the most beautiful smile one ever wanted to see. The day he died a part of me did to, I miss him so much it is physically painful even to this day. I have not found a way to live this new life I have been given, I do try but, with not much success. Donald was 21 and the kind of young man anyone would have been proud to have had for a son, I must say it was a priveledge to say i was his mother. He had the kindest heart and gentle way about him, I really did not realize how many lives he had touched while he was with us. When GOD came to take him home he got a very special Angel. Donald mom LOVES YOU AND MISSES YOU> Thank you wonderful people for listening to me. Toni

[MartyT]

Dear Toni,

My heart broke into pieces as I read your message that captures so well the agony of losing a child to death: not only the searing emotional pain but also the actual feel-it-in-your gut-and-in-your-heart physical pain of missing your precious Donald so much.

You said it all: The day your Donald died, a part of you died too, and now, nearly one year later, you’re still searching for a way to live this new life in which you find yourself. You did not ask for this, you did not plan for it to be this way, and it all seems so grossly unjust and unfair.

As you approach both the one-year anniversary of your son’s death-date on October 3 and his birthday on October 4, I would expect that many of the feelings and reactions you thought were behind you will come crashing in upon you once again, and it may feel as if you’re right back where you started on this difficult path of grief. Please don’t conclude, however, that you haven’t made any forward progress. The progress you have made is real. You’ve survived what is probably the most difficult year you have ever known, and that alone deserves credit and recognition. (See the article I've attached to this message, "Setbacks, Aftershocks and the Recurrence of Grief.")

You say that you did not realize how many lives Donald had touched while he was with us. That tells me that, in addition to your own cherished memories of your son, you now have many stories about him that you did not have before. Remembering is an active process that can be very helpful as you work your way through this grief of yours. I want to invite you to put in writing some of those things you learned about your beloved son that you hadn’t known before. Perhaps you can even use this space to share with the rest of us some of those wonderful stories you were told about Donald.

Ted Menten said it well: If we are loved and remembered, then we live on forever in the hearts of those who love us.

And in the beautiful words of Hugh Robert Orr:

They are not dead who live in lives they leave behind. In those whom they have blessed, they live a life again, and shall live through the years eternal life, and shall grow each day more beautiful, as time declares their good, forgets the rest, and proves their immortality.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

Setbacks.Aftershock.Recurrence.Tousley.doc

[sis]

That was heartbreaking to read...I am so sorry for your loss...But as Marty T said...remembering is the best way to heal...All the things, the little thing you never thought about when he was alive, becomes so clear and precious. I lost a friend dear to my heart 7 years ago, and still I cry for him...He died on my birthday...So it's even harder to forget and heal...Every year is a reminder of that very day...But still...Even thogh it still hurts...I do smile as I think of my Angel...

Cause that is what I belive when God takes away lives so early...Like your son...One of Gods Angels borrowed to us so that we could learn what true beauty and innonce looks like. So that when they return to Heaven, we will remember how precious and beautiful life is...And for us to be thankful for having a true Angel to let us know what love is.

I hope that you can find peace and healing in your heart, and just try to go on living your life as a whole person, as I am sure that your son would have wished for you....

xxx