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29 Years Ago Today

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It is so strange to be without a mother and a father. My dad died 29 years ago today and my mom died on 2/2/08. So many memories and so many regrets. I just don't understand why people have to die. I miss my mom so very much and can't believe how much time has passed since my dad died. I am just kind of down today and needed to express my feelings. Thanks for listening.

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I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I find anniversaries very difficult. Oddly enough, it seems the longer it's been, the harder it becomes to deal with. It's so hard to comprehend that Jan. 16/09 will be five years since I lost my dad.

And yes, you have many regrets and probably some painful memories. That is just human. But you know what? It's ok, because that's what humans do. We make mistakes and we learn from them.

One other thing--I bet your dad is proud of you for remembering him today and posting to tell us about how it's been 29 years since he passed away. My mom only died three years ago and I had one brother try to tell me she died four years ago. There are also many others who forget how many years since they've lost a parent or even what date.

Take care of you.


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I wish I had looked on here earlier to see that you were having a bad day. It sounds like you may have been a Daddy's girl. I was too and mine has been gone 18 years. You wish they could see the things that are going on and think, Oh, they have the best seat in the house. You don't say if you have other family to lean on. Any close friends? I know it's too late today but my daughters kidnapped me on Mother's Day because they knew it would be hard without Tom. They took me for a manicure (only the second one I've ever had) and out to eat. Maybe sometime in the near future you could do something "out of the box" with someone close to you or if your comfortable by yourself just do it.

I hope things got better as the day went on. The weather was beautiful here so I hope it was where you are and you spent some time outside just enjoying the day God gave us.

(((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))))

Mary Linda

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Actually my dad was an alcoholic. He was older than most people's dad's. Growing up, i remember him sitting at the kitchen table with his whiskey. He was never a father to any of us kids. But he was always there. When he died, I never really missed him since I never really had him in my life. But through the years I have missed what I should have had. Does that make sense? He was never bad to us kids. He just wasn't anything. I guess I never really knew him. My mom supported us kids since my dad retired. So, NO, I was not a daddy's girl. I wish I could have been because to this day, I don't know what it would be like to have a "father" like my friends had. There is a big void in my heart over this. I did love him and I do miss him. I feel sorry for my mom having to do it all for all of us, but she did it and never once complained. Growing up, I tried to replace the father I never had with the men in my life and made some bad choices. I guess I miss what it was that I never had. Ever hear the song "The greatest man I never knew"? That song tears me up inside. I just wish I would have taken the time to get to know him better. Now it is too late. But you can't really miss something you never had. Yet I do. I am not looking for sympathy, but it sure felt good to write this. Thanks to all for listening.

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The greatest man I never knew

Lived just down the hall

And everyday we said hello

But never touched at all

He was in his paper

I was in my room

How was I to know he thought I hung the moon

The greatest man I never knew

Came home late every night

He never had too much to say

Too much was on his mind

I never really knew him

And now it seems so sad

Everything he gave to us took all he had

Then the days turned into years

And the memories to black and white

He grew cold like an old winter wind

Blowing across my life

The greatest words I never heard

I guess I'll never hear

The man I thought could never die

S'been dead almost a year

He was good at business

But there was business left to do

He never said he loved me

Guess he thought I knew

These are the words to the song.

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I am so sorry that you are grieving for someone you feel you never had in your life. I have a friend whose husband died suddenly Dec.22,2007 that has somewhat the same situation you had. Her father was an alcoholic and was always at the tavern. She posts on here sometimes so I'm going to make sure she sees your post because she may be able to help you through this. She said it was "funny" because her dad died on Dec. 23rd (I don't know what year) but they never missed him at Christmas but when her husband died it was a totally different story. What a difference a day and a person can make

Mary Linda

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I am the friend that Mary Linda was referring to in her reply. My father passed away 12/23/87. Someone recommended a book and workbook to me. It wan't easy to read let alone do the workbook but it helped me so much. I was finally able to forgive my father. I came to realize that he did the best he could. He loved me but was not able to express his feelings the way I wanted him to. He was an alcoholic and was never able to conquer it. He missed out on a wonderful family life too. I actually went to his grave and told him I forgave him. It has set me free from a lot of the hard feelings I had been holding onto.

Here is the title of the book and workbook in case you are interested.

Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships by Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, and Paul Meier

Love Is a Choice Workbook by Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, and Brian Newman

My mother lived until 1/14/03. She had several peaceful years for which I am extremely grateful. Her married life was not an easy one but she had come from a broken home and she did not want that for me and my sisters. She showed her love for us every day and I still miss her so much.

My husband died unexpectedly in our back yard 12/22/07. We were married for 42 years and 7 months to the day. This has been the most difficult loss in my life but I'm putting my trust in God's promises and even though it is not easy, I am gaining an unexplainable strength. I pray that you too will be able to find comfort in the losses you've experienced. This website has been such an encouragement to me in addition to the grief support group I attend at a local hospital. Everyone is different but I hope it helps in some way to know that there are others who understand.


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