I Have To Leave My House Again

[teny]

Hellow my friends.As some of you remember a month before Yianys death our home has been sold for an apartement building.The only house we had left was a small summer house by the sea and it was our dream place to spend retirement.When Yiany died I spend 20 months living with my brother and some days when I came back from hospital< Ihad pneumonia> with my eldest son.In june my son helpt me rearange the house and they all came to live with me for the rest of summer.I must confess it was the most conforting time since 22 months ago.Now the end is near.They are leaving cause sckools are starting.What am I to do?I have to choose .Shall I start being a guest again ?Shall I try to live alone in my house?I have never been alone in my life.Im so confused and scared.I miss my life so much.I missYiany our life.Nothing to look forward to.I have to tell you that my house is isolated.Im confused.Need help advise and your support .Thank you.TENY

[mlg]

I know what you mean that when you are with people it doesn't seem so bad. It's like part of that hole in our hearts is filled. There isn't that loneliness and emptiness. The night my grandkids stay I usually don't cry, but still have on occassion. I can eat at my kitchen table when everyone is here, but when I'm by myself I can't because it's just to big and empty.

Can you afford to keep your house and have something else for at least a little while? It concerns me when you say it is isolated.

If you could get an apartment near your family to try to see how you do by yourself it might be good for you. Some hotels here have suites you can rent by the month that maybe you could try for 1 mos and if you still weren't sure you could do it for another month and you wouldn't have to buy furniture or anything. I know the kitchen would be something you may not have but they usually have a refrigerator and microwave.

Or do you have what's called assisted living facililties over there? They are nice because it is like your own apartment but you can eat with everyone else if you like and they usually have activities throughout the day that you can participate in if you so choose. Some even have vans that they take day you for day trips.

We also have retirement villages here where people about the same age all buy houses or condos. A lot are what you call gated communities and have activities, club houses where you can play cards or games and meet people. They also have guards to see who comes in and out or have special cards you have to use to get in to the community itself which helps with a safety factor.

Again though as we have said so many times here, only you can ultimately make the decision, but it may be good to try it on your own just to see what happens. Hopefully your family would support you and if it didn't work out would possibly let you stay with them again. I know customs are so different over there and extended family life is ususally welcomed, where in the states that is not alwasys true. A lot of people here feel a house is only big enough for one family and additions are considered an intrusion.

Good luck on whatever decision you make and we will all be praying for you.

Mary Linda

[teny]

THANK you for answering.I realy need help.In greece are no facillity as you have.Elderly homes care only for people who are not able to take care of themselfs.IM not that old but not that young either.I have my work and keek busy but I just can not face life alone.I lived 40 years with YIany and he was my one and only since I got maried at 18.Thank you TENY

[WendyJ]

Teny this is a hard decision for you I know as I have the same thing approaching. My daughter has been gone for a week and is actually due back today from being at Karate Camp to get her black belt. In a few short weeks she will be moving out for good and I have to tell you ten minutes after she walked out the door last week I was in tears as the house was so empty and quiet. Like you I have never lived alone, well it has been a week today and I did fine, as a matter of fact ask Fred...I did great. I never thought I could do this but it was much better than I thought and you know what? I am kinda starting to like it. Now don't get me wrong I am still missing Steve very badly but this is not as bad as I thought it would be and you know Kay tried to tell me that. Teny give it a try living alone, you can always change your mind and stay with your kids. If that doesn't work maybe just go visit them on the weekends so you know you will have something to look forward to by the end of the week. You will never know until you try it and if doesn't work at least you know you have someplace else to go. Good luck to you my friend,

Love You,

Wendy

[LarrysGirl]

Teny,I know this is a hard decision to make. Could you talk with your family and ask them to let you give it a try on your own and if you don't feel like you can handle it, move back with them for awhile? I had a hard time for awhile coping when my son moved out. It is something we have to adjust to, with time. This is not the life we've planned or would choose, but I know you would like to stay in your home if possible. When you say isolated does that mean you would never see anyone on a daily experience? does your work involve interacting with others? Hopefully your family can support you if you choose to try this. I hope that helped alittle. Deborah

[kayc]

Teny,

Is there somewhere you could rent a room from someone? Usually it's a bedroom with shared bath and kitchen, it would bring you a little more interaction than living alone and not so isolated. I do know what you mean because I live in the country and have been also isolated since George's death. I am more used to it now but still don't relish it. I have lived alone at times in my past, and was okay when George was away during the workweek, but I think that was because I knew come Friday night I'd see him, and I could set my clock by when he'd call me each and every day, several times a day. His death kind of meant there wasn't really anything to look forward to that I could count on. Any interaction with others helps. I've never quite grown as accustomed to being solitary as I once was.

Another option might be trying to get a roommate to stay with you in your place. It would fill some of that void plus bring in a little help with expenses. I would talk over options with your son and see if he has any suggestions too, share your concerns, they are very valid ones.

[Tori]

Teny, deciding on future living arrangements is possibly one of the most difficult decisions any of us are faced with after the loss of a spouse.

After 53 years of marriage I found myself ill prepared for the isolation of living alone and the responsibility of maintaining a home. Yet the mere thought of giving up my independence permanently was even more frightening.

After the first year of living alone, the loneliness was still unbearable and I began looking into alternative housing. With each alternative I explored, it became more and more obvious that living alone was, in my own case, by far the best choice.

Now that I'm approaching the 27 month mark; the loneliness has become considerably less shattering, and the challenges of maintaining a home somewhat less frightening. I couldn't have done it without support from the most unlikely places though!

It took me awhile to figure out that the most important thing to me was maintaining my independence. This included being able to make my own decisions on everything from; what to eat, when to eat, whether or not to turn on the TV, listen to music, have a pet,stay up late, or go to bed early and the list goes on. I needed to retain my independence without allowing myself to become a recluse.

First I managed to maintain my independence. Now I'm working on getting out more. Something I probably wouldn't do if I were living with someone else and had guaranteed companionship for at least a part of each day.

I wish I had easy answers for you but even though most of us face the same decisions, there isn't any perfect answer for everyone.