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My Poem For Bill


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It's raining and I was sitting here with my memories of Bill, listening to the Beatles on my iPod. And suddenly I felt I had to write this poem (Thanks to John Paul, George and Ringo for the inspiration):

With You/Without You

Since you’ve gone I understand

What McCartney meant

When he wrote yesterday.

I am not half (not nearly) what I used to be

Shadows darken around me

You left so suddenly.

Before now I forgot how hard

Sadness hits and hurts, claws and tears

Till the tears won’t stop.

Can’t sleep, can’t think

Now there’s only me

My new reality.

I know all things must pass away

I must beware the darkness

Suffering is not what I’m here for

Or so they say.

But did they ever feel the starkness

The hopelessness that smothers me

Grieving in the dead of night?

(In the day I feel like the living dead.)

Remember two of us laughing, driving, striving?

You were my good day sunshine

You were always there with your gentle smile

No one could ever give more joy

We needed only love.

Our dream is over.

It’s over, and now I have to carry on

Cherishing what we had before,

Making my memories of you last longer

Than the winding cold road

That lies ahead to the end of my days.

But I will not be alone, won’t seek to hide

Your giving spirit taught better than that.

I don’t know where I want to go

But at least, I’m moving on

And maybe, deep in my dreams sometime

You’ll show me who I now need to be.

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Very good, do you write a lot of poetry? There was something in it that really made me sad, because it reminded me of a time when we were really struggling and Tom had to work over so I had fixed us steaks and we were going to have a candlelight dinner. We were talking and he grabbed my hand and said, We'll make it babe. About that time our 2 year old came out and tried to blow out the candles and said , We'll make it babe. Those were some of the first words he said to me when we got the diagnosis, but we didn't make it this time and sometimes I don't see how I'm going to make it alone. I just have to have faith that he and God will show me the way.

I hope you can sit there with some pleasant memories and listen to the gentle rain drops.

Mary Linda

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Mary Linda,

I'm glad you liked my poem but sorry it made you sad. Just like your Tom always told you "We'll make it," when things got tough for my Bill and me he'd say "We can do this. I'll always be with you and help you." The last two years before he died, we had many rough moments to get through - a cancer scare, dementia, months in the hospital, the loss of my mother and our two dogs. Through all that, he never stopped smiling.

I believe love continues after death and have faith that our husbands still care about what happens to us, and God and they will point us in the right directions. There is something else in store for us. We'll find it. And we aren't searching alone or in vain, I'm sure of it.

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KathyG,

what a beautiful poem - I have found that putting your feelings on paper is a great healing tool. Your poem is wonderful. Keep writing.

Peace and Love,

John - Dusky is my handle on here,

Love you Jack

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Kathy,

Your poem is very eloquently put, it is heartfelt, you should continue to write.

Mary Linda,

It touched me what you said about "We'll make it, Babe". I can hear him saying that to you now, hang on, he is there with you, trying to "help you make it, Babe".

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