Blindsided By Sadness Today

[MikeC]

For the last week I have noticed that I have been crying much less than usual. In fact, I had even gone for a couple of days without crying at all. Wednesdays are usually pretty sad for me because Janet died on a Wednesday night. This past Wednesday marked the 10th week since her death and I teared up a couple of times, but I didn't experience any sobbing. I was even able to look at photos of her and have fond, warm memories instead of the usual sadness come over me.

So, after my last class today I was driving home. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, I was looking forward to the weekend off, and listening to NPR news on the radio. They were discussing tropical storm Hanna and suddenly out of nowhere I was overwhelmed with sadness and started crying my eyes out. I cried for most of the way home (about a 40 minute drive) and then a lot more after I got home. I just started missing Janet so much! I have no idea what triggered this, except that maybe it had been gradually building up and reached the point where it had to come out. Plus, I have not had much sleep this week. Maybe I was also subconsciously thinking about going home and not seeing Janet there. I don't know.

So anyway, it is almost 8:00 on a Friday evening, I am here by myself and feeling so alone. I feel out of synch and out of touch with the rest of the world, like I don't belong here at all. Maybe if I could catch up on my sleep I would feel better.

Sorry to burden you all with this, but I needed to tell somebody who would understand.

Mike

[karenb]

Hey Mike,

Believe us all, you are never a burden with anything you might have to say. This sudden and overwhelming burst is so totally common for us all. You can be anywhere and it "just happens." There is no reason, it's just a part of this grief we go through. It lessens with time, but it takes different times with us all. You're not doing anything wrong at all and it could be many things that "trigger" this melt down. You are entirely normal. Just keep on keeping on and eventually you'll find yourself feeling better....still missing your beautiful Janet, but able to carry on a little better. She looks so sweet in her picture...no wonder you loved her. Take care and keep in touch.

Your friend, Karen

[LarrysGirl]

Mike, I'm sorry you've had a rough day. Grief has a way of sweeping right back in when you don't see it coming. Sometimes there is no trigger, you just miss her and you are still grieving. I feel not a part of this world anymore also. I hope you will find your way and some peace and comfort. Deborah

[mlg]

I know the more sleep deprived I am the more emotional I become and when it hits it's like a hurricane. Maybe if you get a good night's rest it will at least seem better. If not, you at least made it through one more hurdle.

We're all with you

[kayc]

Mike,

It is perfectly normal, we all have "grief bursts" and it's the most innocuous things that seem to trigger it...or it doesn't have to be any trigger at all. Friday nights are pretty common as you're going in to your weekend and it used to be something to look forward to and now it just isn't the same. As Karen said, it gets better with time...but as you could see from my post last week, you still have to expect it now and then, even years out, but it gets less frequent eventually.