Loss Of My Dad

[daddysgirl]

I lost my father in January of 2002. I it has been over a year and half and I have to say I am still pretty pissed off at the world. I am 29 years old and he died at the age of 54. I always knew I would be young when my father passed because he didn't take the best care of himself, but it came as such a shock as I am sure every death does. I keep feeling like one magical day it won't be so hard, I won't be so angry and I won't compare every one to my father. I am hoping so one can give me some advice. My parents divorced when I was 14 and it was rocky at first. My father was not a very good husband to my mother and I would say not the greatest father at that point in our relationship. I was so angry with him when they divorced, but my mother would not let me break ties with him because he was the only father I would ever have. Time went by and we mended our relationship and he became my best friend. I understand him so well now that I am older. I am happily married and have close ties with all of my family, but I compare everyone to my father now. I am angry with my mother because she is not HIM. I snap at strangers mainly in stores when I feel like they are not providing proper customer service, and I think it all boils down to him being gone. Some days I feel so empty without him and I don't want punish others because I feel this loss. I just wish there was something I could do to let go of the anger.

[bobsgal]

Hi daddysgirl,

I am so sorry to hear of the death of your daddy. A year and a half is not that long, and you are still coming to terms with his loss out of your life. You will never completely get over losing your daddy, but your memories will sweeten with time, and bring you more joy than pain eventually. As far as the anger, it is a part of the grieving process. It has been almost 8 years for me since my husband died suddenly at age 47. Sometimes the anger is all that we can muster to get us from point A to point B, recognize it for what it is, a part of the grief process, and make an effort to let it go when you see it coming. I hope you find that writing to the list will help you move through some of the rough spots, and your anger subsides. Sending you warm hugs to wrap yourself in when the feelings get hard.

Blessings

bobsgal (Lynda)

PS: If there were some magical pill or potion that would get us through this journey quickly and easily, you can bet we would all be on it.

[daddy's cowgirl]

Dear Daddy's girl,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father to lung cancer on June 14th 2002. He was only 58. Sometimes I get really angry too. But my anger is at the tobacco companies. I can't stand to hear their stupid commercials about how they are trying to help people quit smoking. My dad smoked since he was a teenager he thought he would be fine. Well, he was wrong. Every time I see someone smoking I want to tell them to stop, don't put your family through what I'm going through. But in reality I can't do it but inside my head I do! I thought it would be easier as time went on but I think it seems to get harder. The reality of the whole situation sets in and it hurts sooo unbeleivably deep. People quit asking how you are and they think you are fine but on the inside I feel like I'm dying a little bit each day. I want to see him talk to him and I can't! It's hard to have someone to talk to that truly knows how you feel. I'm so glad I found this site and I would love to talk more with you daddy's girl maybe you and I can get through this together somehow!

[slm12811]

daddy's cowgirl-

how did you get through your first few weeks/months? i too just lost my dad to lung cancer, he was only 58 as well. he was a smoker yes, but there is a genetic link to lung cancer in our family as well. is there anything that really helped you to cope with your loss? any replies would be greatly appreciated.

[Babypod]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I don't have a lot of anger (maybe I am not at that step yet) - I just have sadness and disbelief (lost my Grandmother in April of 2011 - we were very close). From what I have read it is OK to be angry - just don't let it become who you are. It has only been a short time. When my husband lost his mom in '97 he was angry for about 5 years - really angry - blamed everyone and everything for his anger - then he realized it was from the loss of his mom to breast cancer at the age of 51. I think the fact that you know the anger stems from your loss is a good thing to help you move forward.

Angel