Dream Or Devil?

[kayc]

Thanks Marty, that's exactly what I was looking for!

[kath]

Wendy,

I'd be happy to know what my experience meant as well. Because it caused discomfort, I really don't know. Yes, I was changed from it, but I do ask for protection each night and nothing has happened since.

Grief is huge and when we are in the thick of it, it's hard to see past the moment. I decided for myself the only way for me to survive was through God. So I dove into learning everything I could, but didn't know where to start. I cried through daily mass and didn't even know what to pray for. The Bible caused me more confusion than answers. I was really losing it when my boss' wife's prayer group gave me a book called "Grace For Grief" by Michael and Brenda Pink. It provided a daily quote, reflection and suggested Bible verses for each day for a year. This saved me. It gave me direction and focus and more than once pinpointed what I had going on. It "understood" me. I was crying out for exactly what this book had to offer and it came...from strangers.

I don't know why anything happens in the way it does. I usually don't cry through daily mass anymore, but still feel the need to be there. (That is one perk of losing my job.) I do know I get at least eight hugs during the sign of peace. That doesn't hurt! I also go to Bible study and there I learn that I know nothing except that we are loved by God. Some days, that's the best news I can ask for. I often wonder what He was thinking leaving me with two pre-teens. But I don't think He intended me or any of us to go it alone. Thanks everyone, for being here. We will probably never have all the answers to give us peace after what has been taken from us. But, at least, we can find love again...if even from strangers.

Edited October 22, 2008 by kath

[WendyJ]

Kath,

I can honestly say I did just the opposite as you and ran the other way from any beliefs that I had. My biggest question was why would God take such a wonderful man and leave a wife and two daughters so hurt and devastated and lost without him ? I am starting to understand things better now and I do now know what is meant by God has his plans for us as I can not imagine not being in my current relationship, I am deeply in love again.

As far as wondering what they were thinking I too have thought of that constantly as Steve was yelling and fighting and just wanted to find me as they were throwing me out of the room. It still boggles my mind how he could be crashing and they are yelling code blue and all he could do is want to know where I was, that is a thought that will never leave me. I still wonder was he scared and wanted me there by his side or was he worried what would happen to us without him...or maybe both. I wonder if someday I will know....

Love Always,

Wendy

[kayc]

Wendy, it's funny how many opposite ends of the spectrum there can be, but I'm in an opposite one yet...left wondering how in the world I've gotten myself into the situation I have, and all because I was deeply grieved and not in my right mind. I am in a Bible Study right now about Finding God's will. I am left wondering if God even HAS a will for me, it seems like I've messed up my life so bad there's no way out or up...it will be interesting to see if this study provides any answers. I always believed God had a Plan A and when we messed that up, He provided a Plan B, etc. but I don't even see a Plan Z for me at this point. I am still taking one day at a time, not knowing where I'll end up but deep down inside I know I'll be okay no matter what, I've been through so much in my life...it's hard to kill us tough ones!

I am so glad for you and Fred's love, I don't hold out hope of ever having that again, but I had it once, and that brings joy to my heart to just remember...but it brings me extreme pleasure to see the two of you's joy.

[kath]

Thanks, Jeanne. I can't wait for these things to show up! Lately I've had a lot of silverware going down the garbage disposal and getting banged up. This never happened before and it's happened at least four times this week alone. I can't help but wonder, "Bob, Is that you?!"