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post-12635-1233028131_thumb.jpgHi Everyone, My name's Lisa and I'm 22 years old. I'm new to this site. I was in a serious relationship with a wonderful young man named Sergio, he was 23 years old when he passed away. We dated for over two years, he passed away on December 21, 2007 we never found out why, he just went to sleep and never woke up. I've never experienced a loss before him, he was the love of my life... we wanted to get married and have children and share our lives together, and unfortunately that will never happen. It's been over a year now since he's been gone and somedays I feel okay, others I feel like screaming. I miss him so much it's unbearable.. I feel like I'm never going to be able to love again or move on with my life, there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of him he's the first thing thats on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about at night before going to bed.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this especially at such a young age. I just passed my 1 year mark also and had a really hard time last week. Not to discourage you, but a lot of people here have said that the second year is worse than the first for them because the numbness has worn off. I just know that we each experience things in different ways and I think support systems make all the difference in the world. I have found this to be my best support system because I can say anything.

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Leegrl1018,

You have just found the most wonderful place to help you through your loss - This Site! Stay here - talk - and write about what you are feeling. We will all help you. You have suffered a terrible loss at a very young age. Although the road ahead it will be a difficult one - each person on this site is a testament to the fact that you can transcend your grief - let us show you the way.

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Lisa, I am sorry for your loss, especially at such a young age. My wife died 7 months ago and I am so glad I found this site. People here understand what you are going through and can help you get through some tough times. Thanks for including the photo - you and Sergio are a beautiful couple and you look so happy together. Take care.

Mike

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Lisa,

We are so, so sorry that you had to join our 'club.' Though we have all found much comfort and love shared through the many posters on this site, I can say with confidence that we all wish we never put in a position to have to look for a forum like this. The pain that you feel is very normal for someone who shared real love. It has been nearly a year since I lost the most wonderful wife and mother ever, and there are days when life is okay for a while, then the reality of never holding her again hits me square between the eyes! If you are wondering if you ever run out of tears, I think I can qualify as an expert on the subject and NO, you never run out. They are always there when you need them!!!!

Please post here as often as you like and lean on those of us who are available. We all operate on our own time tables, so there is no 'grief clock' that ticks down until the day you finally begin to feel great. For some, the time will be less. For others--more. You will feel better when you feel better--how's that for a non-commital answer?? Thanks for the photos so that we can put faces to 'Lisa and Sergio.' The photos show much happiness and love between you. It may sound like a corny cliche, but please find joy in the fact that you shared a kind of love (though way too short) that many will never experience in their lifetime.

Take care,

SD2

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Oh Lisa I am so very sorry for your loss, loved the pictures of you two, cherish them always. I lost my husband in March of 2007 and he was 51 and we had been together since we were teenagers. Come here as often as you like and cry and scream and vent, whatever you need to do and believe me we will perfectly understand as if you look back on some of our posts we all have done it. Welcome to our group although I wish it were for happier reasons for all of us.

Love Always,

Wendy :wub:

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Dear Lisa,

I am also sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you had some expectations, not only of having a future with Sergio, but that maybe you thought it would be easier by now, less painful. I think we all hoped that would be true, though to look back at one year, it really hasn't been that long. It will be 20 months for me this week. and if I look back to the first week or month after my spouse died, I have come pretty far in the coping department. Yes, he is my first thought upon waking and my last thought when I close my eyes, but there was a time, a time of wailing and unbearable heartache, that I really didn't think I could live past the moment. I guess, I'm trying to say be patient with yourself. You have come a long way and I think you're right...you will never be the same. But, are you different because of your suffering or are you different because you were loved? It's a fine line from where I stand.

The one year anniversary is a horrible stepping stone. It brings all the memories and the questions, the lonliness and the trauma as when we first felt it. Hang in there. I know it's not easy, but this reality is still very new. We like to call this road we travel our grief journey because there is still much to discover, about us, about our faith, about our family and friends. Marcel Proust said, "The real voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes." When our loved ones left this earthly place, were given a new vision. We are able to recognize the important from the non-essential and have compassion for things we may not have even noticed before. As hard as this pain is, it softens us. We've been tenderized and yes, we are different than what we used to be, just as we are not the same as we were before our relationships. It is so very sad it had to end so soon, and we do understand how much that hurts. So, be patient and gentle and come here often. We'll listen and we totally understand.

Love,

Kath

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post-12635-1233178646_thumb.jpgThank you again everyone for your responses. I'm very thankful that I've found this website.. it's a great comfort to me, without this website and all of you who are kind enough to listen, my family and my close friends I don't know what I would do in some ways I feel very blessed. My mood changes day by day.. somedays I'm grateful that I found such a great love so young, when some people never find that in a lifetime; but then there are some days when I just feel SO angry that we didn't get to spend more time together. Some days I feel like I don't have the right to be as sad as I am because there are other people who unfortunately have suffered a much greater loss. I feel so overwhelmed by the whole situation, I'm very young and before Sergio I never lost anyone.. I've dated since he has passed.. nothing compares to him. I don't know if the subject of intimacy ever comes up on here.. but i'm going to be honest I haven't been intimate with any man since he passed and that was over a year ago. I know this sounds cliche but I don't think I can ever be again...I would just feel so guilty.

Love To You All,

Lisa :wub:

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Lisa,

I am so sorry you lost the love of your life. It's so hard to understand how it could happen to someone so young and with no answers. We do understand because we also have lost the love of our lives and it doesn't seem to matter how much or how little time we had together, we miss them with all our hearts and it jolts us all the same. I'm glad you found this site, it helps to get it out and to know others who understand because they've been there. We are here for each other through all of the stages, the confusion, the pain, everything. Please feel free to keep coming here and post whatever is in your heart.

Love,

Kay

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Lisa - I understand what you are saying about the intimacy part....My wonderful husband, Charlie, passed away over 4 years ago and to this day I have not dated, then obviously not intimate, with anyone. I, too, have this terrible feeling of guilt when I think of "doing" anything with someone other than him. Even after this length of time, I STILL have no desire to be with anyone other than him. He would not be happy that I have these feelings....he loved me so much that all he wanted for me was to be happy and he hoped I found happiness again. Still looking for that..... Think I will just enjoy the happiness that my daughter, grandkids, friends and family give me. I am very blessed to have them all!

Take care of yourself. Don't "move on" too quickly - one day at a time. Having lost Sergio ONLY a year ago - that's not a very long time. Things will improve!

Hugs to all.

Patti

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