Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Dealing With My Mothers Husband

Recommended Posts

I'll try to give you a short version of what me, my brother and sister and I have been going through since my mom died June 18 2007. To start, she was married to a complete jerk and was wanting to leave him but she didn't, she took care of him for the entire time they were married, she worked hard and he did nothing, she paid for everything, the house was hers, everything in that house was hers. This is the kind of guy he is, when she died, My uncle went in the room, whispered in her ear ( she was in a coma ) he said MaryAnn it's Bobby, she took one last breath and died, well Jerry ( My moms husband ) told everyone that he was in the room with her, when he actually left 6 hours prior to her death and would only come visit her for maybe 3 hours a day. He would argue with her about money and bills while she was dying, we ( my sister brother and I ) took him aside at the hospital in the family room and let him have it, for a while he was better with my mom but my mom didn't want anything to do with him anymore, she had had it, in her last 2 weeks of her life she finally realized what an ass he is and what a waste it was being with him. My mom was a wonderful woman she just didn't want to be alone. Anyway, she was also in denial and never finished her will and wasn't able to change her life insurance policies into our name because when she was going to do it, it was too late, the cancer spread to her brain and she was coherent. She did sign off her medical rights to us in time, which meant we got to take care of her at my sisters house during her last days. Anyway, My mom was a collector of many things, cookie jars, snow babies, german smokers and antiques and lots of family pictures, xmas decorations, jewelry etc....well Jerry ( I call him d*ckhead ) will not give us anything and since there was no will we have nothing to fight against. He told us after a year of her death we could come up there and get some stuff ( we know what our mom wanted us to have, she told us and we know she told him ) Well, he had brought up a few things since she died but it was all junk stuff nothing of centimental value. So I wrote him a letter a few weeks ago asking when we could come up and get our mothers stuff, he being the yellow belly that he is, left me a voicemail saying that every thing is his and that I need to get online with my life and forget about my moms stuff. Did I mention that this asshole is seeing someone? and that this someone is the pastor, yes pastor of his church, oh and did I mention that this b*tch was at the burial and said some words at my moms burial? My mom quit that church 6 months before she died because she didn't like that lady, no wonder why, my mom knew.....I really, really, really want to hurt him in the worst way. He is such a selfish bastard. I figured out what I'm going to do, every year on her birthday and every year on the anniversary of her death, I'm going to send the same letter asking when we can come and get our moms stuff, this way he will know that we're not going away and that he has no power over us.

Has anyone had to deal with something like this? I'm really thinking of writing a letter to congress in regards to the estate laws with a deceased with children over 18 and no will. I'm sure this type of thing happens a lot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Dawn

I feel your pain. I am going through these same issues since my dads death Feb.08 but its with my own mother and brother.

See since I killed dad they are not allowing me anything of his. My dad suffered a massive heart attack and was put on life support until all of us kids came to see him and say goodbye. But no one would sign the papers for him to be taken off life support. The doctor said if we as a family are going to be selfish then he will do it but he wanted us to do it as a family. My mother and brother wanted to keep him like this as a trophy because they could not let him go. My brother asked if they bought a life support machine could they take him home. At this time I grabbed him by the shirt collar and said take a good look at dad, he would not want to live like this. So I went and signed the papers, hence I killed dad.

They have made every effort to tell me that I killed him but I was the only sane person to let him have his dignity and go to his final resting place. I know dad would have wanted this.

But now they will not let me have any ashes. They are keeping dad in his urn in the kitchen cupboards with all the dinner dishes. Last time I went home my brother gave me the urn and said say hi to dad. I was just sick. They would not give me anything of dads. I had to go into the closet and steal one of his shirts. This angers me so much how some people can just be downright cruel. My god let me have some of dads things. I cant even have any pictures. Or I had given dad this bottle of whiskey it was in the container of a grain elevator he was a farmer and I cant even have that and there are two of them. Like give the youngest daughter a keepsake that I will treasure. But no....I am denied this.

And it just angers me to the point where I am not even going to go and visit my mom and brother. I did not even go home for christmas this year because it was not home anymore without dad and the thought of spending the holidays with them just sickened me so I spent it with my husband and dog.

Even my therapist said they are sick people and he does not even personally know them. They wont even let me have any ashes to put in a grave at the local cemetary where dad lived for all of his 96 years. So now no one will know that dad even existed because there is no grave no marker no nothing. My demented mother and brother said that dad did not like the cold so they dont want him in a grave. Give me a break.

So Dawn you are in my thoughts. I know how painful it is not to have any mementos or rememberances of your loved ones. If I knew that my mother and brother would not be home for a hour or two I would drive there and break into the house. I want to do this so bad just to have more of dads things. I told my mother when she dies I am going to take what I want and my brother said he wont allow it. I said after I have him committed to a mental institution then I will take what I want.

So try and keep your chin up. I know its hard. First you have to deal with the death and grieving process. But then you have to deal with people who are mental. I am not going to ever stop at trying to get dads things.

Take care

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know it isn't much consolation, but if worse comes to worse, these are just THINGS. I know you would like to have some of them, especially the pictures, but you have the most important thing. You have the memories and no one can take those from you. Even when it hurts to remember because you miss the things you did together, they are YOUR thoughts and will always be there.

Hang on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...