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What About The Holidays Coming?

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I must first thank eveyone for their thaughts and advice, it has helped! Talking about everything has helped; believe it or not. The weather is starting to change here by getting colder which always brings the holidays. Which brings me to how do we deal with the empty chair at the holidays. My mother always made a big deal out of the holidays which I have practiced with my children. I am trying to carry on the tradations and also do the things she use to do maybe trying to feel closer to her or at least make her proud of me. My mother was an amazing person and touched alot of hearts. EVERYONE tells me I am a spiting image of her and I am just like her and I hope so. I want to be just like my mother. I have my good days and my bad days and today I seem to be doing alittle bit better.

I still put on her perfume everyday when I get up to go to work so I can smell that familar scent. Like I said before it just really hits me on the weekends when I am home more and have more time to think about things. Now last night I noticed when I put my oldest daughter to sleep (6 yrs. old) she cried and cried for her grandma and I didnt know what to say to her? She told me she missed her grandma and all i could think of is that I told her I missed her too. My daughter is so young and had such a connection with her. I am so worried about her and what kind of impact this will have on her? Lots and lots of things always running through my mind... Just trying to process them all and deal with them.. Which leaves me so wore out at times and I seem to always be sleepy during the day and then of course cant sleep night when it quiet and dark. Ummm... Still confused as heck!!

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