takethetime Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 My mother died on October 25, 2004, that was the second time the first time was when I realized how changed her dementia made her. The mother I keep remembering was the one who would yell at me "I don't have Alzheimers". I would respond no, i don't think you have Alzheimers but something is wrong. For over 2 years I tried to get her doctor to examiner her and for 2 years "your fine, tell your children to stay out of your life". My mother was a gifted talented artist who could complete anything she set her mind to. I was never good enough for her yet I kept trying. I reconciled myself to love her and after my dad died 22 years ago, I tried to do what I knew he would want me to do. I know that she loved me but that last year was so hard. She couldn't cook, operate a TV, she continued to deny anything was wrong. She would tell me "you have to quit telling people that I am crazy". I would respond "I have never called you crazy". Now that she is gone I feel like I have been mourning for the same thing twice and practice does not make perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 My dear friend,I’m so very sorry for your loss, and for all the pain you’ve endured for such a very long time. Your poignant message brings to mind the stunning phrase Nancy Reagan used to describe what it is to care for a loved one who is afflicted with this terrible, debilitating, progressive disease: it is indeed “a long good-bye.” I don’t know what you’ve learned or read about Alzheimer’s – given what you’ve experienced these many years, I’m sure you could write a book of your own on the subject. But I want to let our readers know about the vast array of resources that are “out there” and readily available. Here are links to just a few of them:Alzheimer's AssociationAlzheimer's: Grief Misunderstood (Article by Marianne Dickerman Caldwell)Caregiver CommunityCaregiving.com: Helping You Help Aging RelativesCoping with Caregiving: Radio ProgramEmpowering Caregivers - Choices, Healing, LoveElder Care OnlineElder Care: Alzheimer's, DementiaElder Rage, or Take My Father . . . Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents (Book) Family Caregiver Alliance: National Center on CaregivingThe Forgetting: A Portrait of Alzheimer'sForgiveness in Grief and Bereavement (Articles)Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious Illness (Book by J. Lynn)Healing Well: Guide to Chronic IllnessIt's Not Too Late! An Interactive Guide for Exploring and Expressing Love As Life Nears An End (Book by L. Pendleton and F. Bader) Last Chapters: Stories about Living with DyingNational Family Caregiver Support ProgramNational Family Caregivers AssociationI also want to suggest a book you might find helpful entitled Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief, by J. Elison & C. McGonigleYou have been through so much these last two years, and my prayer for you is that you will give yourself the gift of healing by finding a bereavement support group in your community. You are worth it, my friend, and you certainly do deserve it.Wishing you peace and healing, Marty T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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