Dear Brother Roland Lives In Heaven Now!

[Jewells]

I lost my only brother on July the 10th, 2004

He was batteling Leukemia at the age of 44, he had a blood stem cell transplant and died Cancer Free the Chemo and Graft Host Disease killed him.

I watched him go into the Hospital with such high hopes never thinking he wouldn't make it I thought once they found a donor we were home free.

I watched for 3 months a slow death..........the memories keep going through my mind especially the last day in ICU and watching him take his last breath .........he was my hero I thought he walked on water.

I don't know how to get through this I pray alot and talk to him...... I'm part of the club you don't want to be in you only get there by someone dying.

I miss him and still have all of the cards hanging in my Kitchen from his Funeral, I can't put them away yet.

I'm haunted by the last day when I saw him in ICU he hold out his hand to me and I panicked I didn't take the moment and make it what I would of if I could do it over.

To make it even more unbearable his wife treated him to say the least unkind and walked away from him when he was on his death bed.

I Loved my brother and I know he loved his bratty baby sister too, I'm 39.

I just wasn't done having a brother yet.

[Karen G]

I am so sorry for your loss. Siblings are such an important part of lives. i lost my sister unexpectly. The same thought went through my mind about her as well..... She did not go into treatment beleiving for one moment she wouldnt make it.

Afer having lost several of my family this past year I know there is nothing to take away the pain we feel. You should grieve in your own way and in your own time. I am sure your brother knew how painful it was for you as well. He sounds like a good brother and would understand if you couldn't do something at the time you felt you should have.

The terrible picture you have of someone before they pass is not easy to get out of your head. Try to picture your brother as he is now. At rest.. at peace and whole.

I will pray for you and pray that someone will come along to not fill his place .... but fill the void his passing has created.